can I run my mouth here right quick?
it's my day off (bless)!
and i was reading a newsletter that made my day (eve ewing's) and thought hey! let me continue to make my own day and write my own, be the change etc.!
as you may know, i finished a certification as dog trainer earlier this summer and have been teaching since (i have four graduates so far and we're still going!). i'm studying to take the CPDT-KA exam next year so i have national certification and can do more like work with shelter dogs (i can technically do that now but i want to be extra careful with them, they dont have their pet parents looking out for them yet)!
cw: mention of trauma and sui*** ideation)
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right now, in terms of creating, im carefully sponging. ive been feeling really guilty the past few months being unable to create (i left autostraddle in july and have been focused mostly on work and sleeping and also just being sadangry/dealing with some really terrible trauma flashbacks and ideation) and have decided to delete my patreon. the tie to money gives me so much anxiety especially since deadlines are often how i create and im lowkey terrible at reinforcing my own. i had started a 500 words a day on my blog, but it turned very diary-ish (which is good actually!) and being a black trans autistic mentally ill person and having stuff close to my heart and daily life out there on the web felt very dangerous and i wanted to stop before i got in too deep.
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end cw
back to carefully sponging. so my writing has come mostly in the forms of to-do lists and instagram and mastodon and facebook and twitter posts and that's okay. i posted a review of shira erlichman's odes to lithium because ive been terrified to write without an editor since ive left and i needed to just let myself know it was okay to feel that. ive printed out a whole bunch of the zines from the creative independent (https://thecreativeindependent.com/) and am answering the little exercises, im watching librarian webcasts, and going to online animal behaviour workshops, and taking a workshop on writing about gender and just learning as much as i can.
now, every time i get a new interest i add the hashtag to my instagram feed, i download the apps, i got an extension that won't let me see the numbers on my twitter (retweets/notifications/etc.), im spending time with my family, im trying to keep up with people i care about, i let myself fall in love with the same media over and over again but am also just pressing play on movies and tv shows in my list and like experiencing new things, and im just trying to be where the sun is more often than not.
oh! i also got a skateboard and have fallen hard (thank God for helmets) and immediately got back on because i need to learn to push through fear. things are not swimming, theyre really just trying to keep their heads above water, flinging their limbs all around in some effort to stay breathing. i dont think its something i can maintain but i dont think itll stay this way much longer. im just sponging flinging and hoping. i think thats enough right now.
i feel absolutely ridiculous because i still miss the animals on my days off.
if you like recommendations ive got a few:
ghost city press released 75 micro chapbooks this summer and you can get em here
vanessa wrote a piece about direct communication and i did it in a relationship where i was just very scared of telling the truth and it worked??? gonna keep that going
i feel like everyone knows about suzanne vega's tom's diner for years but ive been looking for the song since i ate at old hickory grille and blushed furiously as the waitress smiled at me and i was still very much half closeted (you know when youre out online but only partially in real life?) and a hulu commercial led me to it!
watch we have always lived in the castle, theres a bit of body horror but i had a lot of fun watching (the preview is what hooked me)!
what are yours? reply here and share what youre loving right now!
thanks for reading <3
alexis
image description: black nonbinary person sitting on the ground smiling at the camera with a dog in their lap
p.s. ive been brought on as an editor for yesyes books and manage the VINYL and YesYes Books facebook pages, follow em if you'd like!