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December 12, 2022

No Filler, all pals!

It was a slow week around the ol’ goblin burrow what with the upcoming holidays and all, so let’s just get to this week’s Midnight Pals straight away! Here we gooooo:

Stephen King: guys have you heard about this new thing called "goblin mode"
Joe Hill: dad no
King: that's what you kids are doing now right, joe?
Hill: no dad
King: going "goblin mode"
Hill: dad
King: hey joe do you think your old man could go "goblin mode"
Hill: dad
Hill: dad no

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Grady Hendrix: [flipping on skateboard] yo Joe
Hill: hey
Hendrix: hey uh
Hendrix: what's with your dad over there
King: [from distance] don't mind me fellow young people i'm just going "goblin mode" Hill: nothing
Hill: it's nothing

Hendrix: is he
Hendrix: going goblin mode?
Hill: no! he is NOT going goblin mode
Hendrix: holy shit he IS going goblin mode
Hendrix: adam you gotta get this on film
Adam Cesare: [filming with cellphone] oh i got it
King: check it out joe, your old man still has it!!
Hill: dad no

Poe: so i hear steve's gone goblin mode
Barker: uh huh
Barker: and what exactly does that mean
Poe:
Poe: i don't think anyone knows really

King: hey guys guess what? i'm goblin mode now
Poe: ok
Poe: what does that mean
King: oh you know, like in the mode of a goblin
Poe:
King: so does anyone have any shiny trinkets?
King: that i could just put in a big sack and carry around?

King: hey guys i'm goblin mode now
Barker: jesus christ steve we don't need that shit around here
Barker: why don't you go goblin mode over at unicorn fuck club? they love that kind of shit there
Poe: oh yeah they're really into goblins
Barker: SUPER into goblins

[at unicorn fuck club]
King: hey guys i'm goblin mode
Tolkien: ah goblins, i remember when i was into goblins
King: WAS into goblins?
Tolkien: oh yes goblins are yesterday's news
Tolkien: the time of the orc has come
Tolkien: that's the new hotness

King: hey guys i'm goblin mode!
Tolkien: how so
King: uhhh
King: i love living in a burrow and collecting shinies
Tolkien: sure ok
King: and my precious
Tolkien: no!
Tolkien: NO!!!
Tolkien: THAT'S NOT GOBLIN!!
Tolkien: THAT'S GOLLUM!!!!
Tolkien: GET IT RIGHT!!!

King: i'm going goblin mode
JK Rowling: ah sssso you control the banksss?
King: what
Rowling: you know
King:
Rowling:
Rowling: and the media

***

Stephen King: hey guys guess what? i'm "goblin mode" now
Poe: what mode?
King: the mode with the power
Barker: what power?
King: the power of voodoo
Lovecraft: w-who do?
King: you do!
Koontz: do what?
King: remind me of the mode!

King: [throwing Joe Hill in the air] Then baby said-- Dance magic, dance!
Joe Hill: dad
King: Jump magic, jump!
Hill: dad please
King: put that magic spell on me!
Hill: dad i'm getting sick
King: slap that baby make him free!

Owen King: [rattling basement door] father! father!
Owen King: father, witness me!
Owen King: i am of your blood, father!
Owen King: your goblin blood!
Owen King: witness me, father!

Owen King: father! witness me!
Owen King: am i not goblin too father?
Owen King: am i not of your blood?
Owen King: i am heir to your goblin bloodline father!! witness me!!

Joe Hill: dad i gotta ask
Stephen King: yes, my son?
Hill: my brother owen
Stephen King: [darkening] you have no brother, joe
Owen King: father! father! witness me!
Stephen King: that was just the wind

Stephen King: we do not speak of owen, joe
Joe Hill: but why dad?
Stephen King: owen
Stephen King: brought great dishonor to this family
Hill: what did he do?
Hill: i have a right to know!
Stephen King: [staring out window into stormy night] perhaps... perhaps it is time

[many years ago]
Owen King: hey guys i have this great idea for a new GI Joe character
Owen King: he's gonna be just like me!
Owen King: super cool AND a magician!
Owen King: oh boy, people are gonna love this!

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