Could it be? Yes! Another Substack!
Wow, lots going on this week! Still working on completing the third Midnight Pals book right now. My hope is to have it done in time to debut it at Authorcon in April, where, by the way, I will be one of the guests of honor! So if you’re attending Authorcon, you should totally say hi! Even if I DON’T have volume 3, I will have copies of volumes 1 and 2! Or even if you’re not in the market for books, you should definitely say hi. I like meeting people!
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Just a reminder, we’re still accepting auditions for the new Midnight Pals audio podcast. You can check out Casting Call Club for more info! The podcast will be a somewhat different format from the Twitter threads, but that should be part of the fun!
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My story “Honeydew and Cloves” will be debuting in the insect horror anthology “The World Belongs to Us” coming soon from From Beyond Press. In anticipation, Mike Phillips is running a series of author interviews, where contributors talk to each other about their stories. I spoke with Kay Vaindal about their story extremely timely story of parasitism, ecological devastation, and brain control “The Seventh Instar.” You can see our talk here:
You can also hear how much I ramble. It’s a good thing that I’m so hot so I don’t need brains. XP And if the idea of icky bug horror stories floats your boat, you can pre-order the collection here!
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I always wanted to be a writer, but that was one of the things that I never thought would really be in the cards for me. It really wasn’t until Midnight Pals that I thought maybe I could actually write something that people would enjoy, but really the first (to my mind) real writing that made me feel like ‘oh look at me, i’m a writer lololo” was entering the Pseudopod Flash Fiction contest last year! I was proud that my little tale “A Lonely Vigil” won editor’s choice and I’m stoked that it’s now available to listen to on the Pseudopod Podcast, episode 851: Flash on the Borderland LXIV: Purification, hosted by Ben McKenzie and read by Halloween Bloodfrost!
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Now here’s some Midnight Pals:
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: ah my terf deatheaterssss
Rowling: I have excellent newsss
Graham Linehan: [blundering into circle] hello everyone, I’m back!!
Rowling: goddamnit how does he keep finding us
Posie Parker: oh I told him where we were meeting
Rowling: you told
Parker: oh yeah get on the trolley joanne
Parker: graham’s not an embarrassing outlier anymore
Parker: we’ve all caught up to him
Parker: he’s mainstream now
Linehan: have you heard of these things called furries?
Linehan: they’re the worst!
Linehan: apparently they don’t like nazis
Linehan: to be clear, I now think nazis are good
Rowling: yesss yesss graham we all think that
Rowling: I don’t know why you felt the need to explain that
Rowling: whatsss all thisss about furriess?
Linehan: that’s the new thing we’re mad about!
Linehan: I read all about them on circa 2005 something awful
Linehan: that lowtax, now he had the right idea about furries
Linehan: I wonder what happened to that guy
Linehan: the furries are going to make it illegal to walk on two legs
Linehan: and they’re gonna sew us all into fursuits
Rowling: you’re sssure this guy is mainssstream now?
Parker: oh yes
Rowling:
Rowling: huh
Rowling: oh well I’m sssure that’sss fine
Rowling: no reassson to quesssstion my assssssociation with thessse elementsss at all
Rowling: I have excellent newssss
Linehan: are we going to take down the furries
Rowling: its not about the furriessss
Linehan: I heard that they have these bowling competitions with Klingons
Linehan: that’s where we can get em!
Rowling: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FURRIESSSS
Rowling: Utah in the Americasss has completely banned gender affirming care for transss youth
Rowling: cuz if you think about it
Rowling: thossse transss kidsss have had it too good for too long
Rowling: also those kidsss are all violent rapisssstsss I’ve decided
Rowling: now they say that this will lead to more sssuicides among trans youth
Rowling: but if you think about it
Rowling: that’s a problem that will eventually take care of itssself
Rowling:
Graham Linehan: that’s hilarious!
Linehan: almost as hilarious as that trans woman getting raped in prison
Linehan: AH HA HA HA HA
Rowling: ok graham
Linehan: HA HA HA HA
Rowling: ok graham just reel that in a little
Rowling: I’m not disagreeing with you
Rowling: it is VERY funny to me
Rowling: but you know
Rowling: opticsss
Posie Parker: oh we’re not doing optics anymore joanne
Parker: we’re doing full mask off fascism
Rowling: oh in that casssse
Rowling: HA HA HA HA
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Tom Monteleone: hey everyone did you hear me on that podcast?
Poe: oh which podcast?
Monteleone: I think it was called “Groyper Final-Solution and Loli Wendy’s Mascot Present the 14 Word Retvrn Cast”
Poe:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
King: um
King: what did you talk about
Tom Monteleone: trans people are satanic, black people have it too easy, and they/thems…
Monteleone: don’t even get me started on the they/thems!
Monteleone: and while I’m at it what about that cloud?
Monteleone: [shaking fist at cloud] why you, I oughta---!!!
Poe: whoa tom
Poe: I’m afraid we don’t brook with that kind of thing here
Poe: I’m going to have to take your caricature down from Mt. Slashmore
Poe: and I’m pulling your favorite song outta the juke box
Monteleone: gasp! Not “The Monster Mash”!!
Poe: you are no longer a graveyard smash, tom
Lovecraft: i-I really don’t see what the big deal is
Poe: howard I’m going to need you to be quiet now
Poe: really, for your own sake
Poe: nothing you would say now is going to do you any good
Monteleone: whoa whoa whoa, everyone’s mad? Hey look, I apologize
Monteleone: but also trans people are satanic and black people have it too easy
Poe: wait
Poe: whats the point of the apology
Poe: you just said it again
King: yeah I think we’re all a little unclear on what’s happening here
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Tom Monteleone: I was just explaining how I think it’s about time that white men got their due
Shelley: do you now
Poe: now, mary--
Barker: no no no no
Barker: I think mary should talk
Poe: yes but
Barker: we should definitely be elevating womens voices right about now don’t you think edgar
Monteleone: I’m just tellin’ it like it is
Shelley: you got a lotta opinions, nerd
Shelley: I got an opinion too
Shelley: [flipping switchblade] right here
Shelley: [juggling switchblade] be a real shame if something were to happen to that HWA lifetime achievement award
Shelley: like if it got stabbed
Shelley: [stabbing HWA lifetime achievement award] oops my hand slipped
Monteleone: nooo! Not my HWA lifetime achievement award!
Monteleone: I need that to live!
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[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: big newssss
Rowling: your favorite game issss finally available
Rowling: hogwartssss legacccy
Rowling: i hope you've all already purchasssed your 4 copiesss
Jesse Singal: i did! i bought 4 copies, dark lord!
Graham Linehan: i bought 5
Rowling: uh oh jessssse looks like someone's angling for your sssspot
Singal: but Rowling: come ssssit next to me graham, you're my new favorite
Linehan: really? even though i said fluorination was a gay jewish hoax by the reptiloids
Rowling: oh yesss that ssssort of thing doesssn't bother me anymore
Rowling: feeling pretty good about the company i'm keeping thessssse daysss
Singal: dark lord! dark lord! i have terrible news!
Singal: people on the internet say that hogwarts legacy is mid!
Singal: IGN gave it their LOWEST possible score!
Singal: an 8 out of 10! Rowling: sssssss
Rowling: outrageoussss!
Rowling: will the transss never be happy? i put a transsss character in it!
Rowling: Manface L. Tiltedpelvis
Singal: what's the L stand for
Rowling: "Laryngeal Prominence"
Rowling: sssss i'm mad! I'm coiling mad!!!
Rowling: the hogwartssss legacy quota hasss now been raisssed
Rowling: you're each to buy 8 copiesss now!
Singal: but dark lord
Rowling: 10!!! 10 copiessss!!!