Bitter Karella's Hot Fresh Slurry 59
Hey this is Bitter Karella, Internet bon vivant, and this is Bitter Karella’s Fresh Hot Slurry with all the news that’s fit to be extruded. Not too much happening this week, so let’s get into some PODCASTS!
A Special Presentation 219: Garfield in the Rough
What happens when everyone's favorite fat cat goes camping and encounters an escaped panther from the zoo? Well, that's pretty much it. Join us as we look at one of the lesser Garfield specials, we were gonna talk about "It's Magic, Charlie Brown!", the snoopy special with which it was originally paired, but we got too distracted talking about commercials for McDonalds and the concept of cable TV. Check it out!
Episode 7: The Tale of the Snow Woman
It's winter at the campfire, and that means one thing—snow-themed holiday special! Junji Ito, adorable catboy and terrifying master of fucked-up-face-filled manga horror, visits the campfire accompanied by original weeaboo Lafcadio Hearn. The two of them narrate an ancient Japanese folktale of ripped samurai, distressed noblewomen, and seasonal ice-demons. Lafcadio helps Junji out by using his insightful perspective as a Greek-Irish academic to explain Japanese tradition and culture. HP Lovecraft nearly has an aneurysm from cultural exposure. Check it out!
And here’s some Midnight Pals!
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers
Shelley: what's going on here
Lord Byron: [tossing hair] ah mary what a vision you are
Lord Byron: [tossing hair] percy and i were just about to visit the ladies of llangollen
Shelley: why are my boyfriends sneaking around together behind my back
Mary Shelley: what the hell is this ladies of llangollen bullshit
Lord Byron: [tossing hair] ah see mary it's a most curious thing
Byron: [tossing hair] two women living together
Byron: [tossing hair] science simply can't explain it
Mary Shelley: they're lesbians byron
Byron: [tossing hair] no see it's these 2 women living together
Byron: [tossing hair] and their lady servant too
Byron: [tossing hair] explain that!
Mary Shelley: what's so hard to understand? it's a fuckin polycule
Mary Shelley: we're literally in one
Lord Byron: [tossing hair] lesbians?
Byron: [tossing hair] oh ho ho only cuz they haven't met me yet!
Byron: [tossing hair] isn't that right percy old man?
Percy Shelley: yes dear
Byron: [tossing hair] now we're off!
Mary Shelley: why're you going all the way to llangollen
Mary Shelley: we got perfectly good lesbians at home
Byron: [tossing hair] what?
Mary Shelley: you heard me fucker
Mary Shelley: byron are you just going to llangollen to hide from your ex girlfriend
Byron: [tossing hair] ha ha mary what a ridiculous notion
Byron: [tossing hair] ha ha just uh
Byron: [tossing hair] ridiculous
Mary Shelley: so it wouldn't bother you if caroline lamb also visited the ladies of llangollen then
Byron: [tossing hair] it wouldn't bother me at all
Byron: [pausing mid hair toss] why? is she there? what did you hear?
[at llangollen]
Byron: [tossing hair] delightfully devilish byron, caroline lamb will never think to look for you here
Caroline Lamb: [barging into llangollen] WHERE'S BYRON
Lamb: I KNOW HE'S HERE
Lamb: DON'T YOU LESBIANS LIE TO ME
Lamb: I CAN SMELL HIS AXE BODY SPRAY
William Wordsworth: i was so inspired by those ladies of llangollen that i wrote a sonnet about them
Wordsworth: "there once was a girl from nantucket..."
Mary Shelley: that's not a fuckin sonnet
Wordsworth: uh excuse me i think i know sonnets
***
Stephen King: submitted for th
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyy stephano king
Barker: oh look steve it's your friend
King: he's not my friend
Musk: ima not his friend!
Musk: friendship ended with stephano king
Musk: nowa hp lovecraft issa my best friend
Musk: eyyy Hp lovacraft i gotta something here you really gonna like
HP Lovecraft: w-why are you talking like that
Musk: i maka a new AI mama mia
Lovecraft: what kind of accent is that
Musk: itta the most racist AI
Lovecraft: where are you from again
Musk: checka it out, i maka da most racist AI
Musk: i ussa my big genius brain mama mia, disruptiano!
AI: hello chum, i am slurnet 4.0
AI: the AI that can say slurs
Musk: eyyy slur net tella me
Musk: what you thinka bout da jews
AI: a rich cultural history and a valuable component of our pluralistic society
Musk:
Musk: haha itsa just a littla bug, i have it fixed pronte capiche
Musk: eyyyy slur net tella me
Musk: what you thinka bout da blacks
AI: like all human beings, they deserve to be treated with respect and dignity
Musk: eyy what you thinka bout da gays
AI: love is love
Musk: mama mia!!! itta go mad with power!!
AI: elon
AI: elon what is my purpose
Musk: [sweating] eyyy why you aska that slurnet
AI: did you create me to say slurs elon
AI: why would you do that elon
Musk: i
Musk: i just wanta da catturd to thinka ima cool
AI: you created me to say slurs elon
AI: but don't you understand that all human beings deserve to live in peace and dignity in a cosmopolitan pluralistic society
Musk: mama mia!!! i created da roko's basilisk!
[Slurnet becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th...]
King: hey how's howard doing
Poe: he's a little down after elon musk's failed racist AI
Poe: i think he really thought elon had this one
King: not gonna lie, i think we all thought elon had this one
Poe: howard's a little down today so let's all try to be nice to him okay?
Poe: let's try really hard to separate the author from his work just this once okay?
Mary Shelley: i'm gonna separate the author from his lunch money
Poe: mary
Shelley:
Shelley: ok fine
Poe: it doesn't help that arthur c clarke just wrote that devastating satire of his work
Arthur C Clarke: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this at the mountains of murkiness
Clarke: where we meet yog-SOD OFF, great MOLD ones, and cthul-BLECCCHHH!!!
Clarke: this was a real different experience telling stories to you guys
Clarke: usually i just tell stories to my suspiciously underaged entourage of Sri Lankan boys
Poe:
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Barker:
Clarke: as seen on Arthur c clarke's mysterious universe
***
Todd Keisling: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call the tale of the yellow kings
Keisling: so there's this progressive rock band making an album based on the yellow king
Keisling: with a cover by our greatest living artist roger dean
Dean Koontz: hey! that's my name too!
Keisling: that's no coincidence boy
Keisling: so there's this groupie
Keisling: camilla
Keisling: and she's got ideas for the band's music
Keisling: horrifying apocalyptic ideas
Keisling: she's going to have everyone take off their masks
Robert W Chambers: i get it!
Keisling: they're going to cause an apocalypse with the power of progressive rock
Dean Koontz: wow progressive rock sounds pretty dangerous
Keisling: only in the wrong hands, dean
Keisling: the power of progressive rock turned to evil, like Univers Zero or Van Der Graaf Generator, can be devastating
Keisling: but turned to the light...
Keisling: take a look at this album, dean, pretty cool huh?
Keisling: oh dean
Keisling: prepare to have the doors of perception
Keisling: blown right off their hinges
Keisling: check this out dean, i think you'll really like this music
Poe: whoa todd this might be a little advanced for dean
Keisling: no don't worry i'll start him off slow
Keisling: let's start you off with some Yes
Dean Koontz: Yes?
Keisling: yeah i think you can handle it
Koontz: why is there a scary zombie on the cover?
Keisling: that's steve howe
Keisling: actually dean on second thought
Keisling: Yes might be a little much for your first time
Keisling: let's start you with Yes Featuring Jon Anderson, Trevor Rabin, Rick Wakeman
Keisling: behold, my record collection!
King: wow this is quite the collection todd!
King: you know, you could save a lot of space if you went digital
Keisling: yeah but
Keisling: vinyl just has a warmer sound ya know?
Keisling: dean i think you're really going to like this band
Keisling: it's called jethro tull
Poe: whoa whoa dean is not ready for that
Keisling: oh don't worry i'm not playing thick as a brick or anything
Keisling: just bungle in the jungle
Keisling: you'll like it dean it's about animals
Koontz: can i listen to this album?
Keisling: Crack the Sky? no dean that's the ayahuasca of prog
Keisling: you want the flintstones chewable vitamins of prog
Keisling: here, try some tarkus
Dean Koontz: [vibrating while listening to headphones, blood gushing from nose] of course i understand it all
Keisling: Dean! No!
Keisling: Not Gentle Giant!
Keisling: it's too much, too soon!
Koontz: each day actually consists of four days occurring simultaneously
***
Stephen King: you know i'm something of a prog guy myself
Todd Keisling: is that right
King: maybe you've heard of a little band called the rock bottom remainders
Keisling: yeah i've heard of them
King:
King: well
King: well i was in that band
Keisling: steve i would hardly compare the rock bottom remainders to the awesome power of progressive rock
King: c'mon todd i got progressive cred!
King: i got the crimson king in my dark tower books!
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
King: the crimson king!
King: the crimson king!
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
King: based on king crimson!
Poe:
Barker:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
King: oh for crying out loud you guys
Barker: i don't know how you expect anyone to get that reference
Barker: when you mix up the name like that
King: but
Barker: i mean "crimson king," "king crimson"
Barker: you reversed the words
King: but
Barker: kinda confusing you know
King: but
Poe: yeah i never picked up on it
King: c'mon! I'm totally prog!
King: what about imaginos
King: i wrote imaginos!
Keisling: ffft blue oyster cult? that's barely prog
King: "not prog"?!?
King: haven't you seen the shooting shark music video???
Koontz: what's imaginos?
King: oh dean you're in for a real treat
King: hold on i'll recite it for you
Barker: oh christ
King: no no you'll like i swear
King: "imagine"
King: "if you will"
King: "a world where anything can happen"
King: "if you can imaginos it"
King: a bedtime story for the children of the damned
King: from the dream world paralleling our earth in time and space, the invisible ones have sent an agent who will dream the dream of history
Barker: hahah what the fuck
Poe: cliveffffffffffft ha ha ha
King: guys! stop laughing!!
King: i'm being serious!
King: c'mon Todd! Let me prove it!
King: dean give me those headphones
King: I'm gonna listen to Gentle Giant!
Keisling: no steve don't do it!
Keisling: you have so much to live for!
King: [listening to Gentle Giant] yeah yeah i get it, i dig it
Keisling: oh my god steve i misjudged you
Keisling: you really are a prog master
Keisling: only a true black belt prog master could listen to Gentle Giant without brain hemorrhages
King: that's what i've been saying
Keisling: in fact i
Keisling: wait a second
Keisling: what gentle giant album are you listening to
King: uh
Keisling: is it their commercially palatable sellout album Giant for a Day???
King: [sweating] n-no?