Bitter Karella's Hot Fresh Slurry 58
Hey this is Bitter Karella, Internet bon vivant, and this is Bitter Karella’s Fresh Hot Slurry with all the news that’s fit to be extruded. Well, it’s TUESDAY! That means that it’s the day that my newsletter is usually scheduled to come out. You may remember that I messed up and sent it on Sunday because I’m stupid. Well, here’s the REAL newsletter. I’m sending it again to remind you, because all the podcasts that did not actually exist on Sunday exist now, so you should check them out!
Here’s some news that did not get out in the pre-ejaculation: Skincrawl, a horror podcast based on the lurid splatterpunk comics of Skinner, has an episode written by me, Bitter Karella, out now! It’s called “The Familiar,” based on the Skinner comic of the same name, and all about an evil sorcerer king who wants to crush the world world beneath his iron fist and the one cat that stands in his way. This was a lot of fun to write! The Skincrawl folks wanted something that really fit the lurid EC comics look of Skinner’s work, so this is a podcast that GOES THERE, as the kids say. If you like cats, you might like it. Check it out
Sandy, what do YOU think of The Familiar?
He likes it!
I also recorded an interview for the Horror Writers’ Association Nuts and Bolts column, all about how I write Midnight Pals and (attempt) to get attention online! The first segment of the interview is up on the HWA’s Tiktok right now, so you can go watch it before the US government gets all scared that it’s a Chinese plot to make today’s children think that genocide is bad and takes it all away! Apparently, I can’t link to Tiktok, only embed it in this message, so it should appear below, fingers crossed. If it doesn’t, you can see it at @horrorwritersassociation on Tiktok!
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A Special Presentation 218: Mandrake (1979)
Mandrake the Magician has, for some reason, not made the jump to the big screen in this latest round of superhero mania, but the globe-trotting crime-fighting magician of the comics page has so much potential that we can’t help but imagine a much better movie than we got with the sole Mandrake film adaptation: this 1979 made-for-TV lost dud starring Robert Reed from the Brady Bunch and James Hong from everything that James Hong has ever been in. Check it out!
Episode 6: The Tale of the Nightbreed
Clive Barker takes the stage and relates his cult classic of an eternal battle—gay monsters versus redneck cops. Cabal has always had unsettling dreams of becoming a gay monster, but his personal journey to gay monsterhood is obstructed by queer-gatekeeping monsters, Nazi sheriffs' departments, and unconvincing gimp-mask serial killer David Cronenberg. Frank Belknap Long teaches Dean Koontz to be a furry. Check it out!
Now here’s this week’s Midnight Pals! (NOT THE SAME AS LAST TIME!)
Stephen King: submitted for the app
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy stephano king
Barker: oh hey steve it's your friend
King: we're not friends
Musk: eyyy stephano king itta me your funny friend elon
King: you're also not funny
Musk:
Musk: mama mia!!!
Musk: eyyy stephano king whya da advertisers advertise on other websites but no on da twitter??
King: probably cuz of those things you said
Musk: datsa what she said!!!
Musk: oh!!!!
Musk: disruptiano!!!!
Musk: ey "datsa what she said!"
Musk: ohhh!!!
Musk: comedy issa legal again!!!
Musk: mama mia da cake issa lie!
Linda Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] your meme game is too strong sir!
Musk: eyyyy da long cat, he'sa long!
Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] hilarious, sir!
Musk: eyyy leroy jenkins!
Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] brilliant sir!
Musk: da jews control the media
Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] i'm laughing already sir!
Musk: itsa not a joke
Musk: people, they say da elon musk a no funny?
Musk: i bringa da sink into da twitter offices
Musk: see, itta play onna da words
Musk: cuz a da sink
Musk: it haffa TWO meanings
Musk: people, dey say da elon is a no funny?
Musk: iffa elon no funny, then how i saya dis
Musk: "someone"
Musk: "setta us uppa--"
Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] ha ha hilarious sir!
Musk: "da bomb" I'M NOTTA DONE!
Musk: eyyy its me elon musk
Musk: eyyyy keepa calm anna bazinga!!!
Musk: ima da pickle rick!!! ima da ricka james da bitch!
Musk: ima da charge ma lazer
Musk: [tapping microphone] issa thisa thing on?
Musk: you no thinka da elon is funny? fucka you all!
Musk: [inhales enormous ketamine bump]
Musk: Gottsa Gitsa frigatte!!!! rigatona spaghettt!!!! Prisencolinensinainciusol!!! In de col men seivuan!!! Prisencolinensinainciusol!!!! ol rait!!!!! [continued Italian gibberish]
***
[at unicorn fuck club]
CS Lewis: hey jrrt when are you going to give us another hobbit story?
JRR Tolkien: oh you guys liked the hobbit?
Lewis: yeah we all loved it! we want more hobbit adventures!
Lewis: we need to know what happened to bilbo and the ring after that whole dragon affair
JRR Tolkien: well since you're all so interested
Tolkien: i DO have another story
Tolkien: about a certain hobbitty little character who has a grand adventure out
Tolkien: i call it
Tolkien: the wacky car crashes of mr Bumbles Q. Crash-a-lot!
Tolkien: it's the story of a guy who buys a car and he crashes it all the time!
Tolkien: oh ho ho ho!
Tolkien: delightfully wacky!
Tolkien: those wacky newfangled cars!
Tolkien: they're always crashing!
CS Lewis: yeah they DO crash a lot
Brian Jacques: [squeaking] i use a roller skate for a car!
Tolkien: wait how do you control it?
Jacques: [squeaking] i use a silver dollar for a steering wheel
Tolkien: is that dangerous?
Jacques: [squeaking] i use a thimble for a helmet!
Tolkien: our hero decides to buy a motor car so that he can drive around in the modern style
Tolkien: much to the chagrin of his pet girabbit
Tolkien: which is like part giraffe and part rabbit
Tolkien: like in tenchi muyo
Tolkien: this fellow, he's always getting in trouble because of his car
Tolkien: like when he gets kidnapped by some bears
Tolkien: or has a run in with 4 fat guys
JK Rowling: i hate them
Tolkien: so then he crashes his car
Tolkien: oh it's terrible, it's
Tolkien: it's
Tolkien: hmm
Tolkien: is there a word for a bad eucatastrophe?
GRR Martin: are you trying to buy time to finish your big hobbit book by writing a kids story?
Tolkien:
Tolkien: [hanging head] yeah
Martin: haha!
Martin: delightly devilish, JRRT! I love it!
Martin: oh i uh got a story
CS Lewis: FINALLy some winds of winter!
Martin: yeah i call this
Martin: the story of Biggles Bunnyfluff and the Fuzzy Duckling Caper
Lewis: that's not what we wanted!
Martin: TOO BAD