Bitter Karella's Hot Fresh Slurry 47
Oooo guess what? We got another new trailer for the Midnight Pals audio podcast and it’s a hot one! You know why? Cuz it stars yours truly (me) as Roger Corman! Check it out!
Here’s some Midnight Pals!
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Aron Beauregard: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the putrescent pustules of penelope pimplepus
Poe: ah yes the storied world of extreme horror
Poe: certainly missed that
Barker: look at mister gothic snob over here
Poe: i'm not being a snob i just
Barker: oh it's always gotta be big old castles and psychological dread for you, doesn't it edgar
Poe:
Barker: look, sometimes we like a bit of sick
Beauregard: this is a story of crustified carbuncles, viscous vomit, and sticky slimy squishy
Beauregard:
Beauregard: slippery
Beauregard:
Beauregard: uhhhhhhhhhh
Beauregard: splunge?
Beauregard: what if there was a guy and his brain melted out in big gooey greasy grimy glops of gray matter?
Poe: excuse me, aron, that's a little intense for dean here
Koontz: no it's not!
Koontz: stop treating me like a kid!
Koontz: i'm not scared of gross stuff! >:C
RL Stine: ha ha! that's so gross! i love it!
Stine: what else you got?
Beauregard: oh um
Beauregard: there's some
Beauregard: big gooey oozing zits?
Stine: are they oozing
Stine: GREEN slime?
Beauregard: uh
Beauregard: yes?
Stine: see? now that's how you do it
Beauregard: and some uhhhh
Beauregard: [noticing Joyce Carol Oates' foot] verucas! yes! there were some verucas!
Beauregard: i mean
Beauregard: vomitous verucas
Beauregard: so this house is filled with really gross trash
Beauregard: bacon rinds and chicken bones
Beauregard: drippy bits of ice cream cones
Beauregard: Prune pits, peach pits, orange peel
Beauregard: Gluppy glumps of cold oat meal
Beauregard: check this out
Beauregard: [picks nose]
Stine: ha ha! gross! ha ha!
Beauregard: watch this
Beauregard: i'm gonna eat it!
King: ha ha! no way! no way you're gonna do it!
Beauregard: I'm doing it!
King: oh my g-
King: Holy shit he's doing it!
King: the absolute madman!!
***
Abby Howard: what if i made a comic all about how funny my cat is
Clive Barker: how funny is this cat
Howard: here, take a look
Junji Ito: [immediately pointing at cat]
Howard: this is my cat
Junji Ito: cat
Poe: cat
Lovecraft: cat
Barker: oh my god you guys
Barker: it’s just a fuckin cat, get over it
Junji Ito: no
Poe: no
Lovecraft: no
Barker:
Barker: okay then
Junji Ito: i also made a comic about my funny cat
Howard: oh yeah? let me see
Ito: here
Howard:
Howard: :|
Lovecraft: you know, i have a funny cat too
Poe: no howard
Poe: we’re not doing this again
Lovecraft: b-but
Poe: no howard
Lovecraft: e-everyone else gets to talk about their cats
Howard: :|
Howard: hold on i’m gonna make a face
Poe: face?
Poe: what face are you talking about
Howard: the slightly wall-eyed face with a flat expressionless mouth
Howard: with just a hint of cheek
Poe: ohh THAT face
Howard: :|
Dan Simmons: ugh cal-arts face
Simmons: guess all the snowflakes draw that face because they’re all PC cowards!!!
Simmons: i see by your confused expressions that you didn’t expect this to be an issue dan simmons cared about huh?
Simmons: nobody knows about dan simmons’ secret squash & stretch walk cycle tumblr!
***
Premee Mohamed: Submitted for the aproval for the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the
not too distant future
Mohamed: in a world ravaged by climate change
Mohamed: and covid
Mohamed: and microplastics
Mohamed: and ocean acidification
King: haha the future huh?
King: sounds more like the present right haha
King:
Mohamed: and insectpocalypse
King: oh no
Mohamed: and oil pipeline spills
King: oh no
Mohamed: and giant blood worms
King: oh well at least those aren’t real
Mohamed: hmm
Mohamed: just wait
Mohamed: even in the midst of all that
Mohamed: there’s still something that can’t die-
Bogleech: cockroaches
Bogleech: the answer is cockroaches
Mohamed: the human spirit
Bogleech:
Bogleech: oh that
Mohamed: even in the darkest hours, the human spirit shines through triumphant
Thomas Ligotti: what is that
Mohamed: the human spirit?
Mohamed: it’s, like, a beacon of hope
Ligotti: i do not understand
Mohamed: perserverence? in the face of adversity?
Mohamed: the faith in a brighter future?
Ligotti: i do not get it
Ligotti: i feel like you are describing concepts
Mohamed: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the clean energy device
Mohamed: so a teenage super scientist invents a machine that creates clean energy
Mohamed: but Lovecraftian monster gods want to stop it
Mohamed: what a bunch of dicks!
Mohamed: the green energy device releases a bunch of monster gods
Dan Simmons: this is the future greta thunberg wants
***
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of
Elon Musk: [emerging from bushes] eeeey stephano king
Barker: hey look steve it's your best pal!
King:
King: do we have to keep doing this
King: we've had like literally 2 interactions ever
Musk: so stephano king you say you no pay $8 for twitter
King: no elon i am not going to pay $8 to post on the internet
Musk:
Musk: mama mia i no getta it
Musk: it work forra lowtax
Musk: [praying at shrine to Lowtax] Santa Lowtax, heara my prayers
Musk: tella me what i musta do
Musk: how i getta $8 from posters
Musk: mama mia my god hassa forsaken me!
Musk: eeeey stephano king i getta it now
Musk: santa lowtax, he maka da website people want to pay $8 to post on
Musk: i do-a the same!
pixelated ape emoji w/hexagonal avatar: hot new girl on onlyfans
pixelated ape emoji w/hexagonal avatar: hot wet girl
King: submitted for the
pixelated ape emoji w/hexagonal avatar: suck and fuck
King: approval of the
pixelated ape emoji w/hexagonal avatar: would you fuck her
King: mid
pixelated ape emoji w/hexagonal avatar: girls girls girls
Musk: eeeey stephano king how you like my website now? issa better now eh?
King: no, now it's clogged with spambots
Musk: so now you wanna pay $8 eh?
King: no, i want to pay for it even less now
Musk:
Musk: mama mia where i go wrong
Musk: mama mia dis a problem worthy ova da smartest man inna da world
Musk: i justa apply da facts and logic
Musk: and ussa my genius science-a brain
Musk: anna che bello! i gotta da answer
Musk: [pointing flintlock at king] NOW you pay da $8
King: whoa elon let's not do anything hasty!
Musk: you force-a me to use-a force stephano king
Musk: i solve-a this like i getta da cyberpunk videogame cameo
Musk: [pouring black powder into flintlock] now you no-a move
Musk: [packing lead shot with ramrod] just gimmie a sec
Musk: [aiming flintlock] santa lowtax guide-a my hand
King: let's talk this over elon
Barker: elon, don't do it! think of your hero lowtax. he wouldn't commit murder for $8!
Barker: just think -- what would lowtax do?
Musk: well he woulda
Musk:
Musk: he woulda
Musk:
Musk:
Musk: