Bitter Karella's Hot Fresh Slurry 35
Big news! I’ve been nominated for a Hugo for best fan writer! That means I can officially change my bio to say “two (2) x Hugo finalist.” Expect to hear me talk about this a lot in the coming weeks, since I need to drum up support to make orphans of all the other nominees’ children. (I am kidding) (but also i will destroy all competition) (and I shall exterminate everything around me that restricts me from being the master). Anyway, thanks for all your support! Don’t worry, I certainly won’t forget all you little people after I’m a big fancy award haver!
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I’ve been hinting about the Midnight Pals upcoming adaption into the medium of SOUND for a while, so I’m really jazzed to be able to share the another teaser trailer! This one’s got Clive Barker!
This is definitely going to be lit, as the kids say, when it drops! I’m really excited about what we’ve got so far, all due to the hard work of producer Robin Johnson and an incredible cast including Jason Robinson (King), Rodrigo Borges (Poe), Sister Indica (Barker), Wren Montgomery (Koontz), Rebecca D’Souza (Shelley), Robin Johnson (Lovecraft), and so many more! (And maybe even a couple fun celebrity guests!) Hey, I bet you folks would like to know what the actual URL for the podcast will be? Check out Submitted for the Approval of the Midnight Pals right here!
Speaking of, here’s this week’s Midnight Pals!
***
Caitlin Marceau: so that's where we talk things out, eh?
Marceau: oh sorry i meant to say
Marceau: this is where we talk things oot, eh?
King: wow caitlin that sure is Canadian!
King: this might be the most canadian thing i've ever heard
Marian Engel: not so fast!
Marian Engel: did i hear someone say that's the most canadian thing they'd ever heard
King: yeah i
Engel: maybe you don't know
Engel: about my bear fucking story
King:
King: uh
Engel: i have a story about a woman fucking a bear
King:
Poe:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Engel: CBC radio called it the most quintessential canadian story
King: is
King: is bear fucking a quintessential canadian thing?
Engel: oh yeah absolutely
Engel: would CBC lie?
King:
Engel: would the 1976 Governor General's Literary Award be wrong?
King: no it's just
King: that is not a stereotype i had heard before
Engel: oh i see
Engel: you're one of those americans who thinks we all just fuck moose
King: no i
Engel: for your information we have more than just moose
King:
Engel: there's a wide variety of sexy wildlife
Engel: there's bears, wolverines
King: you really don't need to list them
Engel: beavers
Edward Lee: haha beavers yeah boi
Engel: no not like that gross
Engel: i'm talking about fucking giant aquatic rodents like a normal person
Engel: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the sexy bear
Poe: is this really appropriate?
Barker: shut up edgar
Barker: let the woman talk
Barker: i think we all want to hear this
Poe: i mean, is this story scary? this seems like more of a taboo romance
Sarban: yeah edgar SHUT UP
Sarban: this is the good shit
***
David Cronenberg: body horror is the art of possibility. the body is the canvas. to change the body is to change reality, to unmake & remake the world.
Junji Ito: what if your head was a balloon lol
Junji Ito: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the fashion model
Junji Ito: so this film crew hires an actress with a really striking look
Poe: what's the look?
Ito: oh she's like an obvious monster
Ito: like 100% she's definitely a monster
Ito: anyway everyone is all "wow what a striking look"
Barker: you know
Barker: there's a problem with all these monster women you draw
Ito: what?
Barker: you're not horny enough
Ito: they're not supposed to be horny
Barker: no i mean YOU are not horny
Ito:
Poe: clive leave him alone
Barker: hey i'm not throwing shade
Poe: no it really sounds like you are
Ito: how can you say that?
Ito: look at these bishōjo heroines!
Barker: don't get me wrong, junji
Barker: you got some real cute little straight couples in your comics
Barker: but they should fuck
Barker: is the problem that this body horror is too straight
Barker: is that it?
Ito: what
Barker: i mean more power to you
Barker: i think it's great what you're doing
Ito:
Barker: you know despite your handicap
Ito:
Barker: of being straight
Barker: it's just so cool how you're showing that straight people can do body horror too
Ito:
Barker: real inspiring!
Ito:
Poe: that's enough clive
Barker: no shut up edgar i'm having fun
Barker: i'm just saying its unusual to see a cishet in this field
Barker: i mean
Barker: anyone here who's written body horror that is NOT some kinda trans allegory, raise your hand
Eve Harms:
Lor Gislason:
Franz Kafka: [raises hand]
Barker: uh uh uh uh franz
Barker: not so fast!
***
Alan Moore: [appearing in a clap of thunder]
Poe: the arch magus!
King: the arch magus!
Moore: i have a story to tell
Moore: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the sinister ducks
Moore: it's a song about ducks
Moore: but it's not simply a song
Moore: it is also a warning
Moore: be afraid, foolish mortals, for the sinister ducks are coming
Moore: watch the skies!
Alan Moore: Everyone thinks they’re such sweet little things!
Moore: Soft downy feathers and nice little wings.
Moore: But there’s a poison I’d like to administer
Moore: You think they’re cuddly, but I think they’re sinister!
Moore: Ducks! Ducks! Quack-quack! Quack-quack!
Moore: Ducks! Ducks! Quack-quack! Quack-quack!
King:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Poe:
Barker: so uh
Barker: what exactly are you trying to accomplish here
Barker: what the hell was that
Poe: clive
Poe: if the arch magus wants to sing a funny song about ducks
Poe: you just let the arch magus sing a funny song about ducks
Koontz: i liked it
Poe: yes dean
Koontz: i liked the part with the quacking!
Poe: yes dean
Barker: are we supposed to be scared of ducks?
Scott Baker: ducks?!? ducks?!
Baker: [panicking] did someone say ducks?!?
Poe: calm down scott
Poe: there aren't any ducks
Baker: [nervously] are you sure??
Baker: cuz ducks can be
Baker: quite sinister!
Barker: what the hell was that about
Moore: it's a song about ducks
Moore: foolish mortals, you fail to grasp the unearthly power of this piece
Moore: i'm thinking of sending it to dr demento
Moore: i think it could even make the funny five
King: alan would you consider jamming with the rock bottom remainders
Moore: foolish mortals, the arch magus is no mere singer of trifles!
Moore: the auric emanations of this song sigil contain a mighty power
Moore: equal or greater to that of a spike jones or even a stan freberg!
Moore: can you not feel the psychic vibrations of the great weave echoing in its departed notes?
Moore: [lightning crackling from his fingers] truly i am the most powerful song sigil warlock of all!
King:
King: so
King: is that a no on a rock bottom remainder jam session?
Moore: rock bottom remainders?
Moore: impudent fool! the arch magus does not deign to perform for the pleasure of mere gut pluckers!
Moore: this power... requires a proper display...
Moore: just wait til i headline at FuMPFest!!!
Moore: this song sigil is as powerful as any cast by the mages of old
Moore: not even the great warlock weird al yankovic could cast a spell of such magnitude!
King: whoa whoa whoa alan careful there
King: don't say something you can't take back
***
HR Giger: i've completed a new painting
King: that's great hans
Giger: would you like to see it?
Giger: it's airbrushed on the side of this van
Giger: i've completed a new painting
King: wow! hans!
King: that is
King:
King: that is really
King:
King: what are we looking at here hans
Giger: its a dick with rivets
King: wow! hans!
King: wow! hans!
King: that's pretty wild!
King: that's real "out there!"
King: haha what kind of drugs were you on when you made this haha!
Giger: acid
King: haha-
King: oh
King: wow this painting really makes you think about
King: you know
King: the nature of humanity
King: what it means to be human, ya know?
Giger: what? that's not what its about
Giger: its about being spit roasted by 2 trans women while on acid
King:
King: ohhhh yeah ok
King: yeah i guess i can kinda see that
King: now that you mention it
King: i think?
King:
Giger: you have to use your imagination a little
Barker: no no i can see it
Barker: i can see it clearly