Bitter Karella's Hot Fresh Slurry 33
Here’s some Midnight Pals!
***
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: good newssss
Rowling: elon mussssk the sssmartesst man in the says ciss isss a sslur
Rowling: you can't sssay cisss
Rowling: itsss a ssslur you sssee
Barker: you can't say what?
Rowling: ciss
Barker: you just said it
Rowling: what
Barker: you just said the slur
Rowling: well of coursse i sssaid it
Rowling: i'm allowed to ssay it
Rowling: i jussst meant THEY can't ssay it
Barker: who?
Rowling: you know
Rowling: THEM
Rowling: i can ssay ciss
Rowling: in fact i can sssay ANY of the sslurss
Rowling: the important thing isss the transss can't sssay it
Rowling: becaussse
Rowling: and thisss is key
Rowling: they don't have rightss
King: gee joanne don't you think that's a little messed up
Rowling: oh excussse me
Rowling: if they wanted to have rightsss they should have thought ahead and become a billionaire like me
Rowling: then they could buy all the lawsss they wanted!
Rowling: like elon musssk i'm a free ssspeech absssolutissst
Rowling: exept when it comess to the transss
Rowling: and alsso anyone who criticizess me
Rowling: and not too sssure about the jewsss either to be honessst
Rowling: look, cisss isss a ssslur
Rowling: no one isss allowed to ssay cisss
Rowling: i am not cisss
Barker: so what are you saying you're trans
Rowling: NO
Rowling: i'm jussst not cisss
Barker:
Barker: so what, like
Barker: non binary?
Rowling: how dare you call me cissss! i am not cissss
Rowling: cisss issss a sssslur
Barker:
Barker: so you're not cis
Rowling: I am not cissss!!!
Barker: so
Poe: clive
Barker: no no she started this, let her explain it
Poe: clive i'm just really tired
Rowling: alsssso i've decided that ssstraight is a ssslur too
Rowling: alssso white
Rowling: it isss a ssslur to perceive me
***
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the
Elon Musk: [busting out of the bushes] eyyyyy stephano king! you thinka you so smart
Musk: you thinka you smart but elon muska he da smartest man inna world ey? oh!!!
Musk: [steps on rake]
Musk: eyyyy paisano!!!
Poe: steve who is this
King: no one, just ignore him guys
Musk: eyyyy ima pickle rick!
Poe: steve is this a friend of yours
King: no guys i just
Musk: gotsa gitsa friggata!!!
Poe: steve could you ask your friend to keep it down
Musk: eyyy stephano king you no lika you blue check? friendship witha stephano king ended!
King: we weren't friends elon
Musk: jk rowling issa my new besta friend!
Musk: we onna da same page!
JK Rowling: i want to eat your transss daughter too
Musk: lika two peasa inna pod!
Musk: issa me elon musk!
Musk: i bann da color yellow from my tesla factory cusa i no like it!
Musk: eyy maybe i banna da color yellow from twitter! eyyy!!
Robert W Chambers: but wait i need that color to live
Musk: eyyy i say da color yellow issa slur!! ey!!!
Musk: eyyyy i fighta inna cage match witha mark zuckerberg! oh!!!
Musk: just lika my hero lowtax fighta inna cage match witha uwe boll!
Barker: oh yeah? how'd that match go for lowtax
Musk: eh i forgetta
Musk: it probably go real good eh?
King: you really think you could take mark zuckerberg?
Musk: ey!! i'ma pickle rick!! i beata da zuck cuz my meme game issa strong!
King: zuckerberg literally has an arena where he hunts men for sport, elon
King: i feel like you might not be taking this as seriously as you should
Elon Musk: eyyy!!! i maka da meme!! i lika da dogecoin!!
Mark Zuckerberg: [with eerie robotic calm] i have no animosity toward mr musk, but i will make orphans of his children. before the sun sets, i will slake my thirst with his blood. death will be a mercy that shall not come
Elon Musk: eyyy!!! I puncha da zuck! Oh!!
[Mark Zuckerberg immediately delivers killing blow]
King: oh shit!
Poe: oh no!
Barker: hahaaha hope you got $10 dude!!!
***
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i've just learned ssssome disssturbing newsss
Rowling: from a reputable sssource
Rowling: a random nazi on twitter
Rowling: but
Rowling: i really really REALLY want it to be true
Rowling: did you know
Rowling: that puberty blockers deaden a childsss sssoul?
Rowling: a transss child is literally an inhuman shell
Kathleen Stock: wow! like a monster!
Rowling: yesss
Rowling: exactly like a monster
Rowling: think about it
Rowling: what i'm sssaying is that trans kids are bassically monsssterss
Stock: what about those trans kids who keep saying that gender affirming care is life saving?
Rowling: well
Rowling: a monssster would lie wouldn't it?
Rowling: now then we all know what to do about monssstersss don't we
Stock: yeah! kill them!
Rowling: i meant deny them the ussse of magical wandsss as per Claussse Three of the Code of Wand Ussssse
Rowling: but alssso yess kill them
Rowling: friendss the time hasss come
Rowling: we mussst kill thessse children in order to sssave them
Rowling: sssave them from the living death that is ssself-determination!
[meanwhile]
Dan Simmons: so i heard some wokies thought frankenstein got a raw deal
Mary Shelley:
Simmons: like haha! Stupid commies, having sympathy for a monster!
Simmons: i mean, he's literally a monster!
Shelley: does no one here know how to read
Mary Shelley: the whole point of the fuckin book was that frankenstein got a raw deal
Simmons: sounds like cultural marxism to me
Shelley: [stabbing Simmons] does anyone ELSE here not know how to read?
Rowling: [unfurling from bushes] me, i don't