Bitter Karella's Hot Fresh Slurry 32
Big news! I’ve been hinting about the Midnight Pals upcoming adaption into the medium of SOUND for a while, so I’m really jazzed to be able to share the another teaser trailer! This one’s got Mary Shelley!
This is definitely going to be lit, as the kids say, when it drops! I’m really excited about what we’ve got so far, all due to the hard work of producer Robin Johnson and an incredible cast including Jason Robinson (King), Rodrigo Borges (Poe), Sister Indica (Barker), Wren Montgomery (Koontz), Rebecca D’Souza (Shelley), Robin Johnson (Lovecraft), and so many more! (And maybe even a couple fun celebrity guests!) Hey, I bet you folks would like to know what the actual URL for the podcast will be? Check out Submitted for the Approval of the Midnight Pals right here
And here’s some Midnight Pals!
***
Neil Gaiman: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale Gaiman: of the hierophant of illusions!
Gaiman: the patriarch of the velvet shroud of night!
Gaiman: the master
Gaiman: [throwing sparkling dust] of dreams!
Gaiman: in tonight's adventure, the master of dreams is captured
Koontz: oh no!
Gaiman: oh yes my young friend
Gaiman: imprisoned!
Gaiman: in a sphere!
Gaiman: and when mankind if deprived of dreams, what can be said for our hopes? our stories?
Gaiman: truly that would be the true waking death
Gaiman: for do we all not star in the stories we tell ourselves?
Gaiman: are we all not the heroes we aspire to be
Gaiman: in our dreams?
Gaiman: the one who imprisoned the master of dreams
Gaiman: a man who styles himself magus
Gaiman: but nothing more than a conjurer of cheap tricks! a buffoon of the highest order!
Gaiman: a charlatan who stumbled to greatness
Aleister Crowley: haha this guy sounds like a chump
Aleister Crowley: this magus guy sounds like a real dope
King:
Poe:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Koontz:
Crowley: what?
King: um aleister i think
King: i think
King: phew oh boy
King: how do i say this
Barker: it's you aleister
Crowley: what
Barker: you're the dope
King: gee clive i was trying to let him down lightly
Barker: yeah but this is funnier
Barker: this fail magus is 100% based on you
Crowley:
Crowley:
Crowley:
Crowley: naw that doesn't sound right
Crowley: seems more of a victor neuburg type
Gaiman: ah well the fail magus does have a fail son based on him
Barker: this fail magus is clearly based on you
Crowley: what the fuck
Crowley: what the FUCK
Crowley: i'm no fail magus!!!
Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST
Barker: haha he's gonna say the line
Crowley: DO WHAT THOU WILT!! DO WHAT THOU WILT!!
Barker: and there we go haha
Crowley: [grabbing Gaiman by the shirt] YOU TAKE THAT BACK, NERD, OR I'LL CLOBBER YOU
Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST!! DO WHAT THOU WILT!
Gaiman: calm yourself, my friend
Gaiman: for the tale is not yet told
Crowley: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
Crowley: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
Gaiman: think of this magus
Crowley: I'M GONNA CLOBBER YOU
Gaiman: now imagine
Gaiman: that he is portrayed on the screen
Gaiman: by charles dance
Crowley:
Crowley: [releasing gaiman] yeah
Crowley: yeah he would play me
Crowley: yeah ok
Crowley: finally!
Crowley: some respect!
Gaiman: yes stentorian thespian charles dance
Gaiman: a presence that commands respect
Crowley: yeah ok i like this
Crowley: he's like everyone's disapproving dad
Gaiman: no my friend
Gaiman: he is not mere dad
Gaiman: he is everyone's disapproving FATHER
***
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers time pack it in!
Poe: what's going on?
Shelley: haven't you heard? there's a new kind of horror in town!
Shelley: it's called cozy horror!
Shelley: and this one's just for us girls!
Tabitha King: yeah!
Shelley: the gals got together and we decided
Shelley: we're all tired of your bullshit
Shelley: so we invented a special kind of horror
Shelley: Horror -- For Her (tm)
Tabitha King: yeah!
Shelley: a kinder gentler kind of horror for the ladyfolk
Shelley: [flipping switchblade] and if you don't like it, i'll fucking cut you
Shelley: in the face!
Tabitha King: yeah!
Angela Carter: now that the women are in charge
Carter: who's going to tell the first cozy horror story
Carter: Tabitha?
Tabitha King:
Carter: Anne?
Anne Rice:
Mary Shelley:
Carter: Mary?
Shelley: i don't actually know what cozy horror is
Tabitha King: oh thank god someone else said it
Carter:
Carter: really, mary.
Shelley: i just wanted to push around those nerds a bit
Carter:
Shelley: come on, they like it!
Carter: well girls according to the discourse
Carter: cozy horror is horror without explicit gore
Anne Rice: oooohhhh ok yeah i can do that
Tabitha King: sure that works
Mary Shelley:
Carter: Mary?
Shelley: hold on
Shelley: i'm thinking this ain't such a hot idea after all
Carter: hold on there's more
Carter: it's horror without explicit gore
Carter: it's also cartoons with a horror aesthetic
Carter: so it's a sub-genre that encompasses Rosemary's Baby but also Scooby Doo
Carter:
Carter: i think we might need to workshop this one a little more
Stephen King: boy the girls are really going all out for this cozy horror
Patricia Highsmith: ugh, who can fathom them dames, huh?
Highsmith: always doing their horror of domesticity thing
Highsmith: ugh, i tell ya
Highsmith: couldn't be me
Stephen King:
***
Lovecraft: ugh! cozy horror!
Lovecraft: that's the thing i hate the most!
Lovecraft: it's so
Lovecraft: it's
Lovecraft: it's just so!!
Lovecraft: so cozy!!
Lovecraft: reminds me of hygge
Lovecraft: and those degenerate swarthy danes
Angela Carter: i find it interesting that you object to cozy horror, howard
Carter: I'm curious why that is
Carter: is it perhaps because you hate women?
Lovecraft: [sweats] No! Of course not!
Lovecraft: I love women!
Lovecraft: why, the overbearing mother and spinster aunts who raised me are women!
Carter: so you're saying that you don't just hate cozy horror because of women?
Lovecraft: [sweats] of course not!
Lovecraft: I-I hate them because of the italians
Lovecraft: i have reason to believe that cozy horror is a plot to sneak italian ideas and themes into our literature
Carter: "italian ideas and themes"
Lovecraft: yes
Poe: can we just move on
Carter: no i want to hear these
Carter: "italian ideas and themes"
Barker: yeah i'm with angela on this one
Lovecraft: i'm just saying some of these italian stories sound deceptively cozy
Lovecraft: like "don't torture a duckling"
Lovecraft: or "a quiet place in the country"
Carter:
Barker:
Lovecraft: think about it
Lovecraft: also
Lovecraft: i didn't want to say anything
Lovecraft: but have you looked around this campfire lately?
Lovecraft: i have reason to believe that some of the new arrivals
Lovecraft: might be of the
Barker: of the what howard
Lovecraft:
Barker: c'mon say it howard
Lovecraft: i didn't want to say anything
Lovecraft: but have you seen dario argento
Barker: oh?
Lovecraft: i think he's a little
Lovecraft: [imitates Italian pinched fingers gesture]
Lovecraft: i think dario might be italian
Barker: whoa damn big if true
Barker: what makes you say that
Dario Argento: eyyy wottsa matta for you
Argento: whenna da knife hit you eye lika big pizza pie
Argento: that's giallo!!! ayyyyy!
Lovecraft: i just have a hunch
Mary Shelley: alright we're done with all this shit
Shelley: fuckin sick of this cozy horror discourse
Shelley: which one of you lot started all this
Joe Koch:
Shelley: i'm fuckin looking at you joe
Koch: [sweats]
Koch: i-it was an accident
Koch: it was supposed to be a thing of beauty!
Koch: not this monstrosity!
Koch: it was swirling nuescence in the proturberent void
Koch: effervescent carcossa, pus dribblets on the cheeks of God!
Shelley: don't try to fuckin confuse me
Shelley: you won't get outta this so easy this time!
***
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i've jusssst been corresssponding with sssome delightful people
Rowling: The United Patriot Front of Nordic Blood Purity, aka The 1488th Divission Sskull Fuckerss
Rowling: they're all griffyndors in my book!
Rowling: you know
Rowling: in my book, when harry organizess his classsmatess to ressisst the tyranny of voldemort
Rowling: itss very much like when the good work of the Imperial Brotherhood of Teutonic Might aka Herr Kommandant's Loyal Jew Crusher Panzerdivission
Rowling: good newsss!
Rowling: the New Dawn of Aryan Ssteel aka The 12th Battalion Blood Drinkerss are going to replace their Punisher logoss with harry potter lightning boltsss
Rowling: now THAT'SS gryffindor mindsset
Rowling: i'd like to dedicate my latessst book, 'Harry Potter and the International Transs" to my good palss in the Noble Aryan Order of the Carpathian Purebloods aka the 18th Divisssion Sssynagogue Bomberss
Rowling: jussst a real fun bunch of ladsss
Jesse Singal: mommy mommy!
Singal: mommy i'm back!
Rowling: who isss thisss child
Singal: mommy i'm back! and i'm asking more questions than ever!
Singal: love me, mommy!
Rowling: "asking questions?" lol the time for jussst asssking questionsss hasss passsed
Rowling: now is the time for blood and ssssteel
Rowling: for you ssssee jesssse
Rowling: the mudbloodsss will not replace ussss
Jesse Singal: but mommy
Rowling: what exactly iss your genealogy
Singal: mommy mommy people were being anti-semitic to me when they called me a baby
Rowling: how can people be anti-semitic to you jessse
Rowling: are you
Rowling: hmmm
Rowling: interessssting
Rowling: jessse i'd like to introduce you to my friendss at the International Aryan Order of Jessuss Ressisstance for Presservation of the Holy American Future aka the 18th Divisssion Ssisster Fuckerss
Rowling: they're good people
Rowling: they'll take care of you