Bitter Karella's Fresh Hot Slurry 36
I’ve been occupied with house guests and other fun stuff this week (and will be again next), so things might be a little quiet here! Important things to know… the Midnight Pals podcast is apace and we’re hoping to debut it around Halloween! How spookily appropriate! And the Midnight Pals book has finally, FINALLY, gone to the printer! So hopefully that means it too will be in backers’ hands by the Halloween deadline. Oh, and the MOST important thing of all is that I have once again been nominated for a Hugo, but please remember to vote for me to get a little rocket statue because I want one! But enough talk, here’s a little Midnight Pals!
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Tim Waggoner: so I’m compiling some advice on writing horror
Poe: oh excellent! As it just so happens
Poe: I actually have a whole theory about that
Poe: a whole philosophy of composition
Poe: I call it The Philosophy of Composition
Waggoner: interesting
Waggoner: tell me about this
Waggoner: philosophy of composition
Poe: ok so the important thing to know is that the most poetical thing is the death of a beautiful woman
Poe: the most poetical thing is the death of a beautiful woman
Poe: god it’s just so tragic!
Poe: to lose a beautiful woman
Barker: oh look the straights are at it again
Patricia Highsmith: no no let him cook
Poe: see, writers like to talk about artistic intuition
Poe: that’s bunk
Poe: writing is methodical and analytical, not spontaneous
Poe: let me tell you something that authors don’t want you to know
Waggoner: oh nice, some real dirt!
Poe: see, writers positively shudder at letting the public take a peep behind the scenes... at the fully matured fancies discarded in despair... at the cautious selections and rejections
King: edgar, no!
King: oh my god, he’s giving away all our secrets!!
King: the absolute mad man!!!
King: edgar, are you
King: are you being serious? Or are you joking?
Poe: you mean you can’t tell?
King: edgar I am
King: look edgar it’s just that sometimes
King: sometimes
King: goshdarn it I’m gonna say it
King: sometimes edgar you’re known to be wry
Barker: so that’s your method?
Poe: that is my method
Barker: hmm that’s funny cuz I heard that modern scholars can’t decide if that’s actually your method or you’re being satirical
Poe:
Poe: I thought
Poe: I dunno
Poe: I thought I was being pretty clear
***
Rae Knowles: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the missing violin
Knowles: it's got murder, insanity
Knowles: and
Knowles: gaslighting but queer
Knowles: so there's this woman who meets this guy
Knowles: and he's SO hot and dashing and omg he's just the best
Knowles: so she marries him
Angela Carter: oh that's always a mistake
Knowles: so they get married and then
Knowles: they move into this woman's ancestral estate
Knowles: and things start getting weird
Knowles: like really weird
Knowles: luckily she's got her vape
Knowles: btw have you guys tried vaping?
Knowles: this shit rules
Knowles: and she's all "i think i'm losing my mind!"
Knowles: "better vape more, just in case"
Knowles: and everyone is all "maybe don't vape so much"
Knowles: and she's like "fuck you, you're not my mom!"
Knowles: “gonna paint the zigzag man on the side of my house and everything”
Rae Knowles: is she losing her mind? or is her too perfect husband gaslighting her?
Carter: it's the husband
Knowles: ah but see-
Carter: it's the husband
Knowles: you seem awfully sure of that, angela
Carter: i've been around the block
Carter: i know men
Carter: it's the husband
Knowles: now she's so gaslit that she's not sure of anything
Knowles: except for this foxy they/them amateur crime detective who's been poking around for clues
Knowles: don't worry, they know what they're doing
Knowles: they've listened to A LOT of podcasts
Knowles: everyone's all "stop vaping so much, it's making you paranoid" and she's all "hmm idk i think there's actually a murder happening, ima gonna keep vaping"
Fitz James O'Brien: right on, right on
O'Brien: see, i like a relatable protagonist
Fitz James O'Brien: see you know what
O'Brien: i bet the problem is
O'Brien: she's probably smoking sativa
O'Brien: you gotta try indica
Poe: yes yes fitz we all know
O'Brien: man, you gotta remember
O'Brien: never take more than you can handle and always know your dealer