Bitter Karella's Fresh Hot Slurry 21
If I don’t update this intro, it means I’m too tired from Authorcon to say anything right now but I’ll probably have a full update next week! In the meantime, enjoy some Midnight Pals:
***
Lovecraft: S-submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this
Lovecraft: the tale of the rats in the walls
King: oo
King: jeez howard
King: that story’s a little dicey ya know?
Lovecraft: what?
King: you know
King: with the
King: you know
Lovecraft: a-are you upset by the cannibalism
King: no that’s fine
Lovecraft: the degenerate human monster cattle?
King: not that
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: i-is it the narrator going mad
King:
King: clive help me out here
Barker: naw you’re doing fine steve
King: it’s the cat, howard
Lovecraft:
King: it’s just not
King: it’s just not kosher anymore
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: [sweats]
King: I’m sorry that was a bad choice of words
King: look howard maybe just tell another story
Oates: just change the cat’s name
King: well I mean I don’t necessarily think it’s right to meddle with the ori-
Oates: just change the cat’s name
Oates: who gives a shit
Poe: well joyce steve’s right, there’s a lot to consider here
Oates: just change the name
Oates: who cares
Oates: who cares about anything
Oates: joyce “wild card” oates strikes again!!!
Poe: is it right to change a piece of art to make it more palatable for modern sensibilities? Do we not then run the risk of whitewashing the past
Barker: wow edgar interesting take
Barker: hey I got a question for you about the gold bug
Poe: we’re
Poe: really not talking about me right now
Oates: just change the cat’s name
King: look carol, we’ve got other hot takes to record today
JK Rowling: [rushing in] Alright you poindextersss letsss get this right
Rowling: One. Hello children, I'm JK Rowling. Two. New Zealand is the worst country in the world. Three. Delete the transss, indigenousss and AIDsss memorial chevronsss from the pride f*g, I mean flag. Four. Transsss blood issss poissson.
JK Rowling: Bada bing, bada boom. I'm done. Learn from the professionalsss, kid. [leaves]
***
[at unicorn fuck club]
Terry Pratchett: I call it the story of the wacky fantasy world that’s funny
Pratchett: I hope you’re all ready for some jolly jokes and japes
Pratchett: but also
Pratchett: if you’re not careful
Pratchett: you just might learn something
JRR Tolkien: oh wonderful, I could use a good laugh!
Pratchett: what if there was a fantasy world that was funny
Tolkien:
Pratchett: in a quintessentially British way
Tolkien: hahahahah!!!!!
Pratchett: there’s a funny wizard who’s scared of things
Pratchett: also some silly witches
Pratchett: one of which is a horny grandma
Pratchett: uh oh the horny grandma has a sexual thought
Pratchett: I’m going to obliquely describe it for about 8 pages
Pratchett: “er, um, er, that is to say, er, um”
Tolkien: ha ha stop it! Stop it! You’re killing me!
GRR Martin: haah it’s like the third person omniscient narrator is embarrassed! Haha!
Pratchett: what if a wizard was bad at his job
Tolkien: hahahaa!!!
Tolkien: it’s true! It’s true!!
Tolkien: [slapping knee, howling with mirth] fantasy is so lame!!!
Pratchett: but these jokes are about more than just fantasy
Pratchett: if you look closely
Practhett: you just might notice
Pratchett: that deep down
Pratchett: they’re about us
Tolkien: hahah-
Tolkien: what
Pratchett: it’s true
Pratchett: these jokes aren’t just about genre tropes
Pratchett: they’re about how the real world works
Pratchett: similar to how in your story Sauron is an allegory for the evils of industrial-
Tolkien: how dare you
Tolkien: how fucking dare you