the grey and the cold and the lingering liminality of the holiday season conspire to have me feeling self reflective this time of year. i’ve been revisiting books and mental frameworks that i’ve spent time with over the past 15 or so years - occasionally finding the source material for something that has become a second skin for me, other times realizing i’ve outgrown a concept i once held dear.

i’ve been struggling to write this newsletter for weeks if not months now. it’s the time of year when i most have to apply self-restraint to my longing for verbosity - i’m indoors drinking tea and wearing 3 sweaters and my soul simply longs for a multi-syllabic phrase that’s fun to type out, rather than a careful curatorial process. c’est la vie.

what’s living in the frozen and melted ice of my brain

myths and the need to slow down

• i very much enjoyed Courting the Wild Twin - a book full of suggestions for leading a more meaningful life, but only if you look at them sideways.

  “It seems imperative that in this human-growing process you get in touch with more than just people round a fire chewing it all over.”

• on a theme of articulating the value of slowing down, i liked this article in defense of the Humanities:

  “These works cultivate patience, tolerance for ambiguity and the ability to sit with contradiction. These are not only academic skills; they are habits of mind essential to civic life.

  …

  These were not exercises in arriving at answers, but in developing the capacity to think clearly when no obvious answer exists.”

• one more on speed - i loved how Caitlyn Richardson put it: “information enters briefly and exits before it can be consolidated into long term memory. this is why you can scroll for an hour and recall almost nothing afterward. the experience never stayed in place long enough to be encoded.”

• back to myths, for those who prefer a video: Renee of Play RX here makes the case for myths as stories that train our moral imagination, and urges: “create things that are meaningful for you that don’t necessarily have answers”

light-hearted content from around the internet

• i didn’t know anything about skibidi toilet before reading Georgia’s review, and after watching some with an open mind i’m pretty impressed - it’s much more than a vocal stim

• semi-related, i loved xkcd weighing in to remind us that teens have been creating impenetrably arbitrary slang for as long as we can remember introduce a new generation to 23 skidoo

• leaves caught in the snow can spin around creating concentric circle patterns - examples from tumblr and reddit (including one in sand)

essays

• Scott Alexander hosted an “Everything-Except-Book Review Contest”, and i particularly enjoyed My Father’s Instant Mashed Potatoes for labeling a concept I’ve noodled on:

  • the author introduces an idea/pattern where imitations/substitutes of something work only when you’ve experienced the original - “His body ate the slurry, but his mind still ate the mashed potatoes of his youth”. He nicknames this IMP, for “Instant Mashed Potatoes”.

  • the winners are all linked here (Joan of Arc is definitely worth a read). this sweet comment from the IMP author is a lovely example of a healthy comment section.

• i re-read a series of blog posts about Guilt that i first encountered over a decade a go (talk about second-skin-concepts). if you’ve heard me talk about White Lotus season 3, this was my main comment about Jason Isaacs’ character (in that, he clearly didn’t do this):

  If bad outcomes are in the possibility space, internalize that now. Come to terms with that terrible fact as soon as you can. You want to get into a mental state where if the bad outcome comes to pass, you will only nod your head and say "I knew this card was in the deck, and I knew the odds, and I would make the same bets again, given the same opportunities"

seasonally appropriate media for the Fall/Winter

• Dust of Snow, Robert Frost:

  The way a crow
  Shook down on me
  The dust of snow
  From a hemlock tree
  
  Has given my heart
  A change of mood
  And saved some part
  Of a day I had rued.

• The Familiar - a short and sweet story with elements of magic and romance and all the dark academia trappings that fit perfectly with the darker days

• Last Holiday - i leaned into Christmas movies this time around, and this was by far the best (although you could do worse than to double down on 2006 by pairing it with The Holiday)

• Being John Malkovich - pairs well with this introspective part of the year where time feels a little fuzzy

• Hamnet - just the most beautiful film. be prepared for tears, this movie will put you through the wringer.

media for any season

• A Visit from the Goon Squad + The Candy House - oh how fortunate to read a book 15 years after it came out, and skip the 12 year gap in between it and its sequel

• One Battle After Another - a movie that takes discontent and mashes it up and says what if nothing changes but the fight keeps going and the fight still matters? and also? we can have a disorienting gripping car chase, as a treat.

• It Was Just An Accident - a no-budget, made-in-secret film that is dark and absurd and funny and makes me think about all the obstacles in the way of ending a cycle of violence.

• BBC Pride & Prejudice - Jennifer Ehle is magnificently understated in this, and i enjoyed thinking about how period piece television has changed in the past 30 years

• The Diplomat - my favorite toxic power couple is back for a 3rd season of US politics shenanigans, with an arc i never would have seen coming

• Slow Horses - UK political shenanigans this time, with the spies who couldn’t quite cut it in MI5. just the right amount of show here - enough to occupy but not overwhelm.

traveling backwards and then forwards in time

what’s been happening?

• work:

  • my product/team was acquired, and the last 3 months of the year were spent in prolonged farewells and figuring out how to transfer technology on too-short timelines. i’m very excited to still be at Flatiron and shifting over to the Real World Evidence side of things - much to learn!

  • i’ve been using the reset as an opportunity to work my way through the 2 canonical staff engineering books (Tanya Reilly’s and Will Larson’s), and i’ve been enjoying Sean Goedecke’s blog about staff engineering, e.g. How good engineers write bad code at big companies

• i donated blood for the first time! i’m a few years late to this: in 2022/2023 a number of countries changed the criteria so that folks who spent time in the UK back in the day (like me!) are now eligible

• august/september were spent obsessively rebuilding my personal website - thank you to my #1 bug finder (my Dad) for keeping me on my toes. let me know what you think 🐑

• Dan and i have been making this cake that uses AN ENTIRE ORANGE (and you should too)

• way back in the summer (read: a lifetime ago) i shot some engagement pics for some pals - it was definitely one of the highlights of my 2025

upcoming plans

• i’m scheming up a big west coast trip - like for maybe the whole of august! tentatively thinking we’ll start in seattle and then make our way down the coast

• in the more recent future:

  • jan 30: i’ll be at Pianos to see Zir Indigo

  • jan 31: i’ll be at the Porchlight Presents show at Cassette

  • feb 2 (and march/april): i’m watching the New York Historical Society’s breakfast lecture series. let’s discuss!

  • i want to do a class on making prints from film - there’s a monthly one in bushwick. want to join?

  • i’d like to check out the Museum of the Moving Image

  • i WILL be in that rooftop pool at Bathhouse Williamsburg - will you?

happy january,

is your year off to a good start? how’s your pace - are you thinking about slowing down, or picking up speed?

much love,

beth