Did you know St. Valentine’s story is true crime? …Kind of? I did know that he was martyred for performing marriages in secret, in defiance of a military edict designed to make service less unattractive for married soldiers; I did not know that “his day” is February 14 because it’s thought to be the anniversary of his execution in 270. This Latin nerd assumed the date was chosen to dovetail with Lupercalia; it appears in fact to have been chosen to supersede it. I also thought he’d gotten his sainthood revoked back in the middle of the twentieth century thanks to bringing young boys into his tent near the front lines, which is where the true crime would have come in for me prior to reading History.com’s write-up, but said overview doesn’t mention that…

…or the felony over-marketing that now occurs around the day for a solid month prior, but a happy one to those of you who celebrate. And if you forgot it’s today and you think you’re screwed, guess what?

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