Christian Slater · Truman Capote · The Lindbergh Nanny

I started threatening to BET-CRP Christian Slater over a year ago — and as the heroine says in The Legend Of Billie Jean, fair is far. It’s also only fair that I remind you of the Best Evidence True-Crime Résumé Percentage’s parameters…AND let you know that I finally got it together with a chronological list of Bet-Crappees to date, along with our predictions for their percentages, if any, and their final scores plus links to the write-ups.

Having done that, I can no longer avoid confronting the 140 (ulp) items on Slater’s IMDb c.v. Will that number drag his percentage into single digits? Or does he have TV movies about real cases hiding in his eighties call sheets? I feel like it’s a cop-out to guess 12 percent (because, according to the compilation, that’s what I literally always do) but I don’t think it’s any higher, certainly. So I’ll bet 9.

Tempting as it is to lead with Billie Jean and a joke about how it’s CRIMINAL how many times I’ve seen that C-minus flick…

1. Young Guns II (1990) // I think I saw this in the theater, because I was nothing if not the demographic, but I just assumed that almost nothing except the character names bore any relationship to real events…and that even some of said characters had been invented to maximize the film’s Slightly Threatening Victorian Boy Magazine potential. Not in Slater’s character’s case! He wasn’t called “Arkansas Dave” except in various artifacts of pop culture (and even his better known nickname, “Dirty Dave,” may have been invented post facto), but Dave Rudabaugh really did exist, really was an outlaw, and figures in various other famous cinematic scenes involving the first meeting of Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. From what I can gather, his grisly end was due either to arrogant stupidity or to, well, that, but co-morbid with being drunk. Whatever the reason, YG2 does count as true crime, but I don’t think Rudabaugh qualifies as a name figure.
   
   But what to do about Bon Jovi’s Oscar nomination (…I KNOW) for “Blaze Of Glory”? Because the movie is for all intents and purposes a long video. And do we award points for the fact that this was a Tiger Beat coming-out party of sorts for Balthazar Getty, whose father’s kidnapping is a major case? …Sort of kidding about the latter, but I do think the former is inextricably linked with the movies and may be the only reason part of a generation of now-middle-aged ladies knows who ANY of these frontier crooks and cops are. @ me if you want, I’ve awarded the point: 2

2. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) // Another one I saw in the theater — cringe — and another one whose biographical bona fides are questionable. Very long wiki-hole story short, Robin of Locksley was probably an amalgam of a bunch of different turn-of-the-last-millennium vigilantes. Most people do assume he really existed, though, and Will Sheridan (Slater) is part of the legend from its earliest iterations, so it’s a judgment call, but I’m good with Slater getting those points. The execrable song is not getting waved through on a technicality this time, but Slater DID get “awards attention” for playing Will Sheridan, which is how we all find out that Razzies count, hee: 4

3. Mobsters (1991) // Or, “Young Guns III: Organized Crime.” Slater plays Lucky Luciano, good for: 3

4. Murder in the First (1995) // I don’t think I knew this was a true story; did YOU know the Kevin Bacon character, Henri Young, got paroled IRL in 1972, jumped parole, and was never heard from again? Slater’s character is fictional, he didn’t get awards attention, and I don’t know if I’d call this a hall-of-famer, so I’ll leave it at: 1

5. Mindhunters (2004) // I had never heard of this before; it sounds hilariously bad! But while it’s based on the real FBI team, it’s not a true story, so: 0

6. Bobby (2006) // As in Kennedy, and literally everyone is in this movie (hey, LiLo!), which may explain how it got nominated for a SAG for best ensemble. If someone thinks they can explain THIS part of its IMDb entry,

   

   I wish them and us luck. Anyhoo: this is set at the Ambassador Hotel on the day of Kennedy’s murder but nobody is playing a real person, so: 1

7. Hatfields & McCoys: Bad Blood (2012) // Another piece of “crime IP” that not everyone remembers is derived from a real 1890s feud that embroiled law enforcement and governments in two states. THIS property is likely not the one you want to do your research with — at this point in Slater’s career and with Jeff Fahey, bless his heart, as your other big name, it’s likely near unwatchable — and while Slater’s Governor Bramlette did exist, I wouldn’t say he’s a name figure in the case. (His Wikipedia entry doesn’t mention it.) Just the: 1

8. The Adderall Diaries (2015) // “Elliot, a troubled former successful writer decides to write about a missing wife and the following murder trial of her husband.” That plot summary sounded like the same shot-it-in-four-days garbage-time stuff Slater tended to be in in this decade, but apparently the trial in question was a real one, and Slater is playing the guy on trial, Hans Reiser. (Awfully flattering casting.) That said, I don’t quite know how to score it, because THIS story is not really true-crime, and despite the expected tabloid-newsmag coverage, I don’t know if being THE name figure in this case makes Slater a “name figure.” I DO know I’m-a try to watch this and review it. …Fuck it: 2

9. King Cobra (2016) // Uy, enough with the James Franco properties, Chrissie. Based on a true story, but that’s only good for: 1

10. Dirty John (2020) // It’s a major case, he plays one of the victims, and he SHOULD have gotten awards attention IMO, but he tops out at: 3

11. Dr. Death (2021) // Slater notches another point here for the nomination he DID get, from the Broadcast Film Critics Association. (Which Alec Baldwin should have shared; they were best when they were together in this one.)

    

    I love this 2020s “professional-class weirdo” lane for Slater: 4

12. Guns 3: Alias Billy The Kid (2023) // lol, and yet: 1