The perfect '70s haven to explore Madeira's wild coast
I have a working theory that the "sexy hotel" is quite often the wrong hotel. Not that I don't love a good new-build, fancy-ass magnificent tower with three restaurants and a rooftop terrace as much as the next girl, I really, really do. It's just that these places, fancy and splashy and obvious as they are, can be off-putting because of those very reasons—or because those features attract fellow guests who aren't as pleasant to be around.
In my book, the best hotel in an area is the older, slightly less glamorous property that has all the same perks as the new model and none of the buzz. Buzz brings bad vibes, spoiled guests and a stressed out staff. Go for the tried and true and you'll get the kind of laid back experience that an international island vacation is supposed to have. That's my pitch for the Pestana Carlton Hotel in Madeira, which was my favorite property by far on the island, though we stayed at the brand new Savoy Palace and toured several more elegant inland manors and coastal, contemporary spots.
What can I say? I'm a sucker for classic, clunky '70s charm and a more straightforward hotel where I'm not constantly worried I'll break or stain something. Pestana is rather the opposite, it's cozy and welcoming like a grandmother's house, all shabby chic warmth and worn-in hospitality. The Pestana Carlton was actually the first hotel opened by the Pestana Group, according to a brand history page, and a very in-depth review from 2020 also notes that the current building was constructed on the site of the previous Hotel Atlântico, which dated back to 1896. Initially opened as a Madeira Sheraton, a bit of its big box past that comes through occasionally, the hotel was converted to Pestana in 1990. Here's why I loved it.
PS: I've decided to scrap a paid tier for now, so hotel reviews will be from anywhere moving forward.
You Are Here
Largo António Nobre, nº1, 9004-531 Funchal, Portugal
Getting to Madeira can be a bit of a slog, but taking an Azores Airline direct from JFK is likely the best way to do it. Since those directs are only offered seasonally, the other most direct path is flying TAP Portugal from New York to Lisbon, and then over to Funchal, the largest city and capital of Madeira. British Airways also flies frequently to Madeira, as right now, it's mostly a tourist spot for Brits. Once you arrive, the airport is about a 15-20 minute drive from the city center, right near where Pestana Carlton is located. Pestana is literally as close to the ocean as you can get, with direct access down to the beach, and not one, not two, but three adult pools and and a separate kids pool, all of which have ocean views. Someone I used to know once told me there's nothing more luxurious than being in water looking at more water, and I think she's right!
As far as the experience of being a woman in Madeira, I noticed the culture is a bit more misogynistic and old-fashioned when it comes to gender roles. Even our tourism board guide made some off color jokes, and men tended to freely catcall or stare like I've experienced in Italy, Greece and Spain. The hotel itself felt very safe to me, filled with bellmen and front desk agents even during the night and early morning, but when you're exploring the rest of Funchal, I highly recommend hiring guides and private transportation. It's an extremely hilly place and walking is possible in the main town center, but that's about it.
As I mentioned earlier the bulk of the tourists on the island are older folks from the UK, so they bring their own set of stereotypes and primness with them. I didn't have any outright racist experiences, but based on what I saw there wasn't much diversity, plus sexist jokes and the male gaze felt like the norm culturally. I was with a group during my trip, and I think a solo visit as a woman would be tough. I don't mean to deter anyone, but I want to be honest about the cultural environment so visitors can prepare accordingly.
Size Matters
Bed review
I stayed in a Junior Suite with a Sea View that had so much space three people could've stayed there comfortably. The bedroom was large and the attached living room was huge, with '70s-'80s era amenities like a boombox and a big LCD TV with basic cable. Like a lot of European hotels, the bed was a "king" made up of two twin mattresses, but the bedding was thick and masked the gap between the two mattresses well. Still, it wasn't the most comfortable king ever, but pretty firm for those who are sticklers about mattress softness. The sheets were thin, as I went in summer and it was pretty hot, but there were extra blankets in the room for those who sleep cold.
It was the bathroom in the suite that was truly stunning, though, with a stand alone clawfoot tub in the middle, a towel warmer that was extremely fast and effective, marble floors, and a glassed-in shower. I also loved the balcony, complete with table and chairs, and stunning views of the coastline, the pool, and the restaurant below. The photo above is not from a suite but a classic room, which is quite a bit smaller. You get the idea, though, especially with the ocean view peeping through the curtains.
Picture Perfect
Aesthetic rundown
Probably the prettiest part of the hotel is the outdoor terrace, which doubles as a restaurant that overlooks the main pool and the ocean. I kept taking photos of this view whenever I was presented with it, because it simply never got old. Having said that, the rest of the hotel is not very ~aesthetic~ at all, and I found that weirdly comforting. Staying in a hotel that hasn't made much of an effort to flip from the '70s-'80s era decor was strangely nostalgic for me, and I felt at ease here in a way that I didn't when we got to the fancier, high-end hotels. I don't know if I just like this place because it was the first hotel I stayed in on Madeira and it quickly felt like home, or if there is something truly comforting about it, but I will also say that nowhere else was as close to the ocean or had such an unobstructed view. There's a reason this site was originally chosen as the location for a hotel back in 1896.
Now, it's time to point out that you don't really need your hotel to look beautiful when this is what the destination looks like:
Why compete?? The lack of aesthetic does translate to incredible pricing most of the year—Pestana Carlton's rates range from $200-$350, and even for the nicest Presidential Suite they barely graze the $500 mark. Staying here for a week or more is super affordable, and given the somewhat arduous journey to arrive, a longer stay is preferable. (Pestana has a policy that they will match any lower rate you find, and give you a 5% discount if you find one—that's how serious they are about getting guests a good deal.)
Wants & Needs
Products and mini-bar
The amenities weren't anything to write home about, and in-room snacks went about as far as coffee and tea. So bring your own shampoo and conditioner, and focus on the wonderful food found all around the island. I will mention again, this hotel has four pools, along with a spa, a huge indoor pool suitable for lap swimming (below), and beach access. That's what the draw is here, not cute lotion. Most international hotels just haven't caught up to domestic properties on this front. Another huge underrated perk for pet lovers, though, is that dogs and cats are both allowed to stay at the hotel.
Water Me
Pool and gym
We've been over the number of pools thoroughly, but here's a few more details. The main outdoor adult swimming pool is saltwater, and the indoor pool is heated (that is, to 77 degrees Fahrenheit, they don't believe much in heat here). All the daybeds and parasols at outdoor pools are free with no rental fee. For the gym rats, there were also treadmills in the same area where the indoor pool is—and I even ran on one while I was there! Plus a weights area and a separate yoga room, along with several hot tubs available to guests, both in the same indoor area as this pool and in the spa. I would say the pool seen in the terrace shots was the most popular, but having a separate one for children and two adult outdoor pool options kept all of them from ever feeling crowded. During the day, half of the guests are out exploring the island, anyway. For those who do hang around, on-site there's also a library, a hair salon, ping-pong tables, mini golf, laundry, and gardens.
Libations
Food and drink
One thing I always love about European hotels is the assumption that breakfast is included! And this hotel boasted one breakfast buffet to rule them all. It had a whole corner dedicated to bread and cheese, another devoted to pastries, English breakfast staples like beans, hot meats, many types of eggs, hashbrowns and tomatoes. It had loads of fresh fruits and juices, and even a champagne and mimosa station! The coffee was free flowing and the staff was super friendly, plus you could eat indoors or out on the ocean terrace. The standard rate booking the hotel comes with breakfast included, but there's another rate that folds dinner into the price as well.
This may or may not be worth it, as the restaurants all over the island are simply excellent, but might be a good move for those who are looking to veg out and not explore much. There are a ton of F&B options at the hotel, but I only tried the breakfast so I can't really speak to them. My guess would be that going out yields better results, and also point to the ground floor restaurant at the Savoy Palace, Pau de Lume, as a good place to start your exploration.
Book your stay at Pestana Carlton right here.
Related reading:
Disappear Into Madeira, A Wild Island Retreat off the Coast of Portugal (Inside Hook)
10 reasons You Need To Visit The Stunning Island Of Madeira (USA Today)
Links:
Listening to: Miley Cyrus — Endless Summer Vacation
Glad Miley is entering her Joanne era. Underproduced, simple piano and synth bops, no skips first five tracksPutting on my skin: Brightening Kakadu Plum Eye Patches — (30 pairs, $49)
These banish dark circles no matter how jet-lagged you are thanks to Hyaluronic acid and an Australian superfood packed with Vitamin CDrinking: Plain water out of my 24 oz Wide Mouth w/ Straw Lid Hydro Flask ($23.97)
The lime green "Seagrass" color is on sale, as are a bunch of other items right here.
Photo credits for aerial shot of Madeira: Ricardo Faria Paulino
All other photos: Pestana Carlton