one day the sadness will end
musings on art and david lynch
what can i possibly say about david lynch that hasn’t already been said by people to whom he meant so much more? the fact is, i was never a huge fan of his work—but i was fascinated by the person. i may not have always loved his art, but it was so, so important to me that he made it.
twenty-plus years ago, when i first lived in los angeles, people would come to visit who had never been to california. (this was in our twenties when people had money and energy and backs that could handle sleeping on an air mattress on our floor.) i would take them to see whatever they wanted to see—usually the ocean and grauman’s chinese theater—and then i would drive up into the hollywood hills and stop the car in view of a pair of houses, one of them putty pink, both of them owned by david lynch. he used one to live in and one to work in (at least, that is what i was told) and everyone loved getting to see them.
one thing that i learned about him following his death last week is that he articulated something i have believed for a while: vincent van gogh did not need to suffer to make art; that he made art at all is evidence that he was trying desperately not to suffer, and had his pain all been taken away, he could have made more art. (this is my wording. david lynch rambles a lot more than me and rarely makes any effort to get to the point.)
the archetype of the starving artist was almost certainly invented to justify not paying artists for our work, not funding the arts so fully that we can all climb out of poverty and make as much art as is in our hearts. if every artist’s financial woes were lifted, if our mental illnesses and chronic pains and disabilities were treated and/or accommodated, we would not make less art. to be certain, some artists would do other things when they no longer needed the art to help them through the suffering, but most of us would make more.
david lynch knew that. he operated from a place of believing that art is the most important thing on earth.
today we are inaugurating a monster who hates art, and all of our suffering will grow. it’s a terrible time to be trying to put beauty and ideas into the world, but by god i will art harder than ever. (i am writing this two days before i will send it, and writing that in the present tense hurt.)
i have been thinking about photography for several weeks. i’ve had cameras since i was five, and made pictures my entire life. i haven’t touched my camera since 2020, and i have a cabinet of film cameras (many of which were my father’s) that have been sitting untouched since the year before that. i have an upcoming short story that will pay over $400 and i want to buy a new lens for my camera with it. i will probably end up paying bills, but a lens is what i want to do with it. then last week i got an instagram ad for a handbag from portland leather goods that i took one look at and said “that would be a perfect camera bag.”
i have a camera bag. i have a bag, but it’s very…functional. there is nothing wrong with function, except that some of this bag’s functions don’t work the way i’d prefer. for example, the top unzips in such a way that i can’t really open the bag while i’m wearing it. i wanted the leather bag, which closes only with a magnetic snap. is this ideal for a camera bag? it is if it means i will use it.
maybe if i actually start using my camera, i told myself. and i should rehome the bag i have and don’t use. i knew that was bad logic. i was telling myself i had to earn the thing that would make photography easier by doing the photography on hard mode first. i was telling myself i had to earn art. that’s just silly.
the day before david lynch died (the day before we heard), i ordered the bag with christmas money i’ve been sitting on.
on friday, karen o posted a beautiful tribute to her friend david lynch, including an email exchange in which she had quoted a book on italian filmmaker pasolini:
“why realize a work
when it is so beautiful
just to dream about it”
and asked him what he thought. his answer affirmed so many things for me:
“dreaming about something is only the first step in realizing something - the dreaming part is great yes but not as great as the process and final result to bring it into existence thru one medium or another.”
thank you david lynch.