Are you a planner? Or are you a go-with-the-flow type of person? Since I can remember, I’ve been planning and executing the next thing in my planner. It’s like second nature to me, to write off what I think is the best choice that will get me to my next destination. But then life hits me hard, and I’m reminded just how unpredictable this life truly is. One example that I can provide is my obsession with learning. In October of 2025, I enrolled at Wichita State for a graduate certification in English studies to start Spring 2026. My thought process was, “I’m wrapping up the Master’s degree, so I should move forward with another educational endeavor right off the bat,” but post-health issues I decided to push off the certification. I’ve been learning to let go of a calendar that controls. While I did postpone the certification for summer, I’m open to canceling it all together by then if I don’t feel like it anymore. That statement alone is a huge step for me.

Last summer, I embarked on a stressful journey of applying to a big scholarship/fellowship. Well, January and February 2026 brought a moment of truth (that comes with planning ahead) — rejections. Email rejections aren’t always the best, especially when the subject line immediately reads, “Thank you” rather than “Congratulations" or “You’ve been selected”. I allow myself to simmer in my rejection and then delete the email and shrug it off. While the shrug is a testament of I’m not going to let that get to me, the rejection still stings. Some sting so bad that it can change my entire mood for the day. Even when I click the delete button, I’m left with questions: “Why didn’t I get it?” and/or “Am I even worthy/good?” I do my best to shake it off, and like a bee sting, the pain disappears after awhile but the mark lingers for quite a big longer. The first rejection came from the Paul and Daisy Soros fellowship. I didn’t make it to the finalist round. I applied for the Soros because I didn’t want to live a life with a “What if?” Truthfully, I didn’t feel so broken about it. Receiving the Soros would’ve required me to make structural changes with my life; ones I wasn’t sure I was willing to shift. The second rejection came from an advanced workshop with Layli Long Soldier through Poetry Society. The poetry workshop was something I would’ve loved to have done as it was virtual and with the one and only, Layli. Unfortunately for me it was incredibly popular so the competition was high. Rejections often feel like a call from the ancestors and God to slow tf down. These applications take time and effort to create! I am in awe of all those who do take on these giants year after year. The application process helps me understand that I’ve got work under my belt but there’s still work to be done. I’ve applied to more workshops this year, and I can only hope one aligns with my current journey.

In other disappointments, teachers have arrived at the time of the slump. What is the slump? Well, it’s a time in the year where we (students, teachers, admin and others in the school) start to feel the tug and pull of the winter season. We are drained. We are exhausted. We are in dire need of a break. Our school calendar this year does not grant us a full Spring break week like last year where I had the time of my life in Colorado and New Mexico. My students and I alike are burned out. We are treading through deep waters and barely making it over the sharp waves. It’s very, very tough not to take this season personally. And it’s also crucial to not take it out on the students who are also just hanging on. This time hits each year, and I become more so disappointed at the education system. I wish we could talk more about the needs of teachers and students in this outdated education system. I’m currently working through a new teacher yoga class that teaches more in-depth social and emotional activities, such as chair yoga. I’m particularly thankful to this class, as it has allowed me to bring exercises into my classroom. Students don’t always love it or participate as it’s new and uncomfortable. But I invite them to do what they wish to do and that to me is good enough. Impact would be greater of course if systemic things changed. Thankfully, the sun is an optimistic reminder that the days are getting brighter and my mood is shifting too. I’m hoping Spring brings renewal because I desperately need to be showered in it. I’m also taking on a residency at the Yes! House this month. Very grateful to step away from the classroom and enjoy my solitude in my writing and side projects.

P.s. I’m off the socials for Lent season. Hope y’all are experiencing joy on some sort of level!

What I’m listening to

• Podcasts about anxiety and the body

• Hayley William’s new album is still on my repeat list

What I’m reading

• Alebrijes by Donna Barba Higuera

• Onward by Elena Aguilar

What I’m watching

• Youtube subscriptions, ofc

• Matlock’s newest season is returning this March, so that will be on my ‘watching’ list soon