soy la misma intro
soy la misma newsletter
Growing up, I spent a lot of time in my room flipping through magazines (Teen Vogue, Girl's Life, Seventeen -- if the library had a magazine for young girls/women, I'd checked it out), I read chapter book after chapter book (some of my favorite reads: the Clique, the Morningville Vampires, Twilight, any Sarah Dessen book, etc), I also spent a pretty good time writing (poetry, short stories, journaling) in any notebook that I could find in my bookshelf. While I did spend over forty percent of my time in my room, I also spent about twenty percent of my time in the living room watching television. I recall arriving home from after-school activities, running directly to shower, serving myself dinner, and plopping on the couch to enjoy a new episode (or rerun) of the Carrie Diaries, Awkward, Pretty Little Liars, or even Glee). My desired content made me feel sophisticated, fun, feminine, and idealistic. I'd sleep and think about my life as a professional writer wearing fashion pieces that I'd steal from the fashion closet (of whatever magazine I would work for). Unfortunately, this dreamy life poofed from my imagination and my family's wishes was to be more realistic with life. Fast forward, I graduated high school in 2015, graduated college in 2019. Well, I'm now twenty-six, and I'm finally grabbing onto my jean straps and taking myself to my dream life as a girl who writes creatively and unafraid.
You see, I did not grow up in an urban area and I'm the oldest daughter (out of two kids) in an immigrant household. I had teachers who supported me in the classroom and family that encouraged all of my dreams (but by 19, I assumed I knew what they really wanted-- a realistic and respectable job). I thought graduating from a four-year degree would break generational trauma and break me free into success. I chased law school for three-plus years to only leave after a few months of starting. All of my "dreams" just seemed to have crumbled on my feet, and I couldn't figure out what happened. After journaling my anxious soul away each night during law school, I came to the conclusion that I never stopped chasing after what other's expected of me. And it had caught up to me. While I did enjoy thinking about the law and fighting for people, I couldn't shake off the unhappiness I would be trapping myself during and after law school. After feeling like a complete loser, I returned home so I could afford (free-of-rent) a roof over my head (thank God for selfless immigrant parents). I was back living in my room for the third time in my life. The second time being when I returned after undergrad through a fellowship and stayed until August of 2022. This time though, I cleansed myself from what high expectations I'd have for myself and that of other's post-law school. I went digging through my bookshelf and found my old journals. I opened them, flipped page by page and as I read tears streamed down my face. I loved who I was and so sad that I took a road traveled way too often (risking mental health for glorified achievements, success stories, becoming the poster child, the guilt of making it big as child of immigrants -- iykyk).
I will say, a lot happened the three years that I returned home for the first time after college. But that chisme is for another newsletter. One thing I will say, in 2022, I became a Periplus fellow (a fellowship to empower/support writers through mentorship). I did not publish much (hardly anything) this year and that's because I had to work on my confidence and inner light. I believed I had nothing to say and no one would care to read what I have to say. I had belittled myself. Therefore, this newsletter is bringing out my inner Carrie Bradshaw wanna-bee lifestyle (but less emphasis on NYC white girl and more of small-town, first-gen Latina) so if you want to stick around for that -- I'll be here living it in curiosity and doing the work to build myself back up.
Songs I'm currently obsessing over
Shows I've binged way too fast with zero regrets (December 2022)
I plan to have more of the lists (i.e., songs, shows, readings, artistic shares, etc) in the future... well, as soon as I figure out this button-down newsletter format situation! For now, thank you for stopping to read (and perhaps subscribe to find out what 'soy la misma' means to me in the next newsletter) (: