A few days ago, my shoulders lowered for the first time. All the stress I’d been carrying had been lifted off my entire body! The biggest event I’ve been holding my breath for happened, and that is teaching sixth graders in my field placement classroom. I’m so glad it’s over because it was the first time, I had to teach students who are not 1. high schoolers and 2. be observed by my mentor teacher in her classroom. To be honest, it went great, and I learned that I need better classroom management (but it’s not the end of the world)! If you ever enter the Learning Center, you’ll find my students to be completely disinterested, and I’m always cracking my brain to come up with interesting lessons that have them moving. Unlike the sixth-grade classroom, those kids seem like they’re on multiple Monster energy drinks. I had them to a group activity that followed them on a remote island through stations. Each station covered a chapter and its primary vocabulary words. I’ve learned that I love to put curriculum together, and I love to create my assignments from scratch. The students are doing a novel read so that is also an experience that I hope I can figure out how to do with my students.

I’m also so near the end of the semester of my first year of grad school and the only thing getting in the way from the end are the multiple papers I have to write!! Thinking of all my friends still doing school <3

Besides the overload of teaching in my primary classroom and taking on a full load of classes, I’m also gearing up for the summer. I’ve been working on getting a grant to start up my storytelling summer workshop for young people again! If all goes well, “Stories from Unheard Voices” Summer Workshops round 2 will be happening this summer! Eeeek! Fingers crossed, it’ll come together in late May.

I’m also keeping myself accountable for my creative writing! Thanks to the Kenyon Workshop this winter, I wrote new poems. There are some themes that I want to further explore, as well as artistic styles. There’s always something to learn! I crave knowledge. This spring I applied to around three different programs that are for writing. I’ve heard from 2/3, and I’m excited to say that I’ll be spending time in Iowa City at the Iowa’s Summer Writer’s Workshop — I’ll be having the opportunity to learn from Hai-Dang Phan! I’m so excited and nervous. I had the privilege to be taught by Professor Grunst at St. Kate’s, whom is an alumni of the popular Iowa Writer’s Workshop. He taught similarly to what they do at Iowa. So, it helps to know I’m not going to be completely new to the learning style of discussion. I also applied to VONA summer workshop for the second time and for the second time, I’ve been waitlisted! It is a bummer, but it’s not the end of the world. Last year, I never got off the waitlist, and truthfully, I have an inkling it will not happen this year as well—it’s so competitive and those who are the finalists want to be there, obvi! I’ll just try again next year! And for the last writing workshop, I’ll hopefully hear by the end of May. It’s a Kenyon Writer’s Workshop, specifically for teachers so it is completely different from the poetry workshops.

There's no snow in February, and just the other day I went biking with a light sweater on. I love the feeling of the wind caressing my face, the ride makes me feel like I'm ten again. But I also don't love that there's no snow on the ground on a usual February Minnesotan winter. And I do not care if Minnesota decides to give us a winter storm because it should be doing so! I recently read an article about the lakes in Minnesota and the early thawing may be negatively impacting our wildlife. I don't remember every fact exactly but the early signs of Spring can indicate a bad season for animals (e.g., hunting for food, migrating, and creating their habitat).

I'm still teaching full-time and it's starting to show... I'm at an alternative learning center (LC), so some of my students already do not want to be there, and adding on the 3rd quarter of the year is like pulling teeth. I'm constantly thinking about varying activities to try, as well as thinking of various ways of teaching that may be better for them. Some days are good and other days can feel like I'm not making any waves. Being a teacher of young adults is H-A-R-D. This new semester, I'm taking a field-experience course which is having me go to the middle school each day for an hour to hang out with sixth-graders. It's a complete switch from my everyday students. On the first day, I walked into a student having a meltdown over his grade, an A-. My students at the LC are happy with a passing credit of a D-.

In other news, I've been taking a six-week workshop with the Kenyon Review. Workshopping has led to frustrating moments to AHA! moments. I went from feeling like a major writing newb to feeling like, "Well, sh*t, maybe I do know what I'm doing." Some of the faculty that I've had the pleasure of meeting are Tina Cane, Pádraig Ó Tuama, and Marlin M. Jenkins. In each workshop, I gain so much from the other participants too. Their work encourages me to play with style more, or with my imagery. And I'm so sad it's coming to an on March 2nd! Being accepted to the Kenyon Review Writer's Workshop had me ultimately surprised, but because they allowed me to enter their virtual space, I'm so hungry to continue venturing into more intimidating writing spaces. Fingers crossed I can be in another incredible writer's workshop this year!

I'm also excited to share that I'm a new Community Voice with the National Folklife Network (Northern Plains). In the last year, I've been good at saying no to most boards/committees requests that don't align with my energy. And so when the Northern Plains Community Connector, Peter Strong, reached out I did a deep dive on the opportunity -- I researched the org, the people, the work, the time commitment, and the requirements. Most importantly, I asked myself, "Am I ready to jump back into community work?" Ultimately, I decided the vibes were there. I'm excited to see what comes from this work (especially, full of an amazing group of cultural bearers and community leaders across the US and Puerto Rico).

Hello! Hello! I'm so excited to sit back down for 'Soy La Misma'!

Here's a quick rundown of what's been happening over the last few months. As you know, I had an interview series going on in August, and I am so thankful for my friends who shared with us. At the same time, I was also starting my gig as a soccer coach for the Worthington girl's c-squad team. Teaching also began for the new school year, as did my online graduate teaching licensure program! The soccer season ended in the second week of October, and immediately after, I spent half a week in Dent, Minnesota, at the East Silent Lake Resort for the Rural Regenerator Fellowship! It was a lovely time getting to meet all the fellows from midwestern states and from rural communities. We got to hear each person's work and had time to discuss our goals for the fellowship. I took the time to be in the moment and welcomed any and all flow of ideas and thoughts. I love having a busy schedule (usually to keep my mind off anxiety), but while at Dent, I noticed just how nice it is to rest. I picked up some knitting and let my mind wander. We were blessed with gorgeous sweater weather, too! After leaving, I came home with the ganas (desire) to put my creative work at the forefront. But it is SO DANG HARD!

Let me quickly go on a tangent. As a child of immigrants who went to college and has student loans, I have been frustrated at the careers I've chosen that have provided me such low pay (public service careers in small town america, RIP)! When I left law school, I knew that if I was going to go back to the education world, I'd immediately need to enter a graduate teaching licensure program so that once I obtain it, I can get paid BETTER, by BETTER, I mean at least earn $50,000 a year. Luckily, I have enjoyed the teaching profession thus far, and with that, I've noticed I can't always place my creative works to the forefront because teaching comes first (after my wellbeing, of course) to help save money and afford life! So, that's that. And maybe, one day (soon as this grad program is over), I will be able to place my creative work first, not last. End tangent.

In other news, just this week I received my 200-hour mindfulness, social emotional learning, and yoga teacher certification by Breathe for Change (B4C)! Linking just in case any of you are interested in learning more. I'm happy to be of any help if you're interested or have questions about their programming. Personally, I had a great experience! And I can't wait to utilize this new toolkit with my students (and when I have the guts, with my community).

Soy La Misma is back with the second installation of "mini-interviews," where I'm interviewing great friends of mine who are in their twenties! In today's newsletter, you'll meet Jocelyn, whom I met right after undergrad in southwest Minnesota. This interview left me with new ideas to reflect on and inspired me to continue to be authentically me. I hope you enjoy it! And just a reminder: we are on Native land, even though it often feels like 'America' is the land of the white folk in Minnesota.

Andrea: Hi Jocelyn! So good to hear your voice! First, I want to start with the early beginnings: where did you go to college, and what was your study?

Jocelyn: Yes! So, I started in college when I was in high school. I did PSEO (post-secondary education opportunity) during my junior and senior years of high school. I went to North Hennepin Community College in Brooklyn Park for my Associate for two and a half years. I graduated from high school and then, a semester later, from North Hennepin. From there, I went to Augsburg for my bachelor's in Sociology. Two years after I graduated, I went to the University of Minnesota for my master's in civic engagement. 

Andrea: What did you do between those two years of your bachelor's and master's?

There's nothing more satisfying than getting off a call with the most amazing humans I know. I've been feeling more communicative and energized to connect with people this summer, and I thought, "Why don't I reconnect with a few friends from back in the day and check in and see if their twenties are just as turbulent as mine." So, if there's one thing you should walk away from at the end of this newsletter, it's calling up friends you haven't touched base in a long time and check in with them!

I've invited my friend, Ximena Mondragon, for the first min-interview series this summer! I met Ximena as an IGNITE Fellow in 2018-2019. Her smile, laughter, humbleness, and authentic self drew me to her. She's a rad Latina with an even more rad story.

Andrea: Let's go back to undergrad! Where did you go, and what did you study?

Ximena:  I went to St. Mary's University (a small, private Catholic University in San Antonio, Texas; I'm from Houston). I studied political science. 

Arriving at 11:40 pm in complete blackness at Badlands National Park is like walking into a dark home that is not yours -- literally. Roque promised us a beautiful boondock (remote area not meant for organized camping, but camping is allowed) spot right off the cliff on Badlands. Good thing he can read a map because, surprisingly enough, the internet/ Google Maps is not always helpful in remote areas!! As we slowly drove south towards the area in an empty two-way lane, Roque and I moved our heads from left to right. We twisted the radio knob left to lower the music as if the silence would lead us to the right exit. Thankfully, we found it! I was afraid, not going to lie, especially knowing we were driving towards the cliff. We knew we were in the right place when we spotted all the large campers with my car's low lights shining on them. After driving almost a mile toward the cliff, Roque turned left. We went down for another mile and chose a dry, flat patch about 500 feet from what could turn to death. Now, I won't bore you with how we transitioned to the back of the car camping area, but we did a whole Speedy Gonzalez thing because the dark truly creeped us out! We ended up rising to a very cloudy sunrise the next day, but with just enough dim sunlight that we could see the incredible views of the Badlands! I immediately opened my car door, excited, and our car alarm went off!! Rookie mistake! Thankfully, I did not awaken our neighbors, or I think we didn't. I successfully walked out to witness the views until I noticed I was scratching my calves, neck, and arms. I looked down to see why I was so itchy -- I was surrounded by what seemed like hundreds of mosquitoes! It had rained during our camping visit, leaving the area humid. Another rookie mistake of mine! This was the first night of three car-camping nights on our way to Montana for my friend's wedding-- just filled with experiences!

Before we could drive away from Worthington for four days, Roque and I did a cool thing, and that was building an indoor car-camping situation! Two years ago, we purchased a used teardrop camper for our camping experiences at state parks. Unfortunately, the rear end of the trailer has water damage, so we are too afraid to use it. Another thing is we read online that a trip through Glacier National Park should be with a smaller vehicle. We slept for three comfy nights inside my Subaru Forester on a wooden platform that had three layers of bedding. Our five foot and plus inches fit so comfortably! We boondock right on a cliff of Badlands (as you read), at a Walmart parking lot, and a Flying J gas station lot! Truly, adventurous. But what I did learn from this first-time car camping experience is to make sure to buy shade netting for your car windows when you need oxygen and to keep mosquitoes/bugs away! I also purchased a cordless electrical fan! For the hot nights, we had that thing FANNING. Now that we're back home, I wonder what park is our next adventure! If you have any recommendations, please send them our way!

I lie on my bedroom floor, staring blankly at my phone as my right index finger slowly drags itself through the oversharing of people online. My stomach and throat feel tight. My breathing staggers, and at times I'm sure I'm not breathing at all. Frustrated, I put my phone down next to me, maneuver my body to the side, and gently rise to meet the day. I promise myself almost every day that I won't spend so much time on my phone or that I won't mindlessly scroll through social media. And yet, I fall into the trap. I grab my Airpods, put on the nearest shoes I can find (today's wear: Chaco hiking sandals), grab water, and head to the garage, where I keep the treadmill (truthfully, because my dad got upset at me the day I bought it off the Facebook marketplace after he told me to stop buying junk -- the jokes on him, the garage is a pleasantly cool place to walk or run). I untwist the long cord to connect the machine to the outside plug, and then on the machine, I press the start button. I opened the Youtube app and selected a newly published video of a young woman recording her home remodeling process over the last two years. After 10 to 15 minutes, the tightness in my throat and stomach miraculously leaves me, and I feel a shift in mood that tricks me into thinking I can conquer the rest of the day.

I've been anxious for the longest time since I can remember, especially in high school. Many school mornings, I gagged as my toothbrush reached my teeth, and pushed away a breakfast plate because I could not eat without my stomach feeling queasy and nauseous. It wasn't until perhaps a year or two ago that my anxiety worsened. My anxiety got so bad that I no longer wished to travel, hang out with friends, go to church, or do other activities that involved me sitting amongst people. Before last fall, after quite some intensive CBT therapy sessions, I thought I had conquered my anxiety. I left for law school thinking I was cool until I was not. Anxiety was one of the factors that made me leave Madison and law school -- the fear of not being able to be successful with anxiety is a real buzzkill. To this day, I still feel anxious about many things, such as flying on a plane, hiking in an unknown area, attending city meetings, etc. But I still push past them because I'm unwilling to let anxiety take over my life.

After a day of teaching, finding the motivation to get on my bike or treadmill can be hard. But sometimes, I just need to do the damn thing, or else I will find my heart bursting at the thought of being overwhelmed. I've recently started walking, biking, and doing yoga again. As I stretch my arms, torso, and legs, my body is still stiff and feels like I haven't loved it enough. It can feel super upsetting, but I don't let myself sulk in the sadness but instead in the fact that I understand that this is a lifestyle that I need to welcome into my schedule. There are other health factors I've been considering getting checked, but for now, I'm doing the best I can as I live day by day. I'm satisfied that I've made it this far in life and chosen my health over the fast pace I've been used to for quite some time. What lifestyle have you created for yourself that you've seen positively change your mood and energy?

Happy April! I have no idea where March went but hopefully you're feeling just as recharged as I am now that it is Spring, well kind of (Minnesota weather is taking it's fine time leaving winter).

In this newsletter, I wanted to focus on something I've been having a really hard time with, and that is surviving the social media scrolls. Social media has a ton of layers and I can only unpack so much... You see, in January, I did the biggest thing unimaginable and that is signing-out of Tik Tok indefinitely. While I might get FOMO, I can absolutely say that it has helped my mental health tremendously! The endless scrolling of videos that were way too on-point with my thoughts began to get creepy. I felt like the internet could see right through me. For example, if I was thinking about anxiety, friendships, family, education, etc., Tik Tok would have a video on my feed about that exact thing! While using social media to cope with stress and burn-out is not a good idea, often people do use it as an escape -- I sure did, but everything I didn't want to think about started to actually come up and it was time to let go!

Besides Tik Tok, there is one I'm debating on also making inactive. And that platform is LinkedIn. I swear I'm addicted; I log-on once a day and scroll to see what people are up to and/or what opportunities are out there whether in my realm or not. Well, as some of you know, I started law school in August and left law school in the fall. It's an experience I'm still mourning, an identity that I was so stuck to the hip with and still trying to wrap my head around. My LinkedIn is full of connections with lawyers, law students, and people interested in the law. I am reminded of my re-direction (cause we are staying away from the word 'failure') often and it often pains me. "Am I doing the right thing?" "Did I quit or did I fail?" "Why is that not me," and the torturous thoughts continue. Now, I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it does. I try to scroll right past them posts and get my mind to focus on other cool things happening on LinkedIn. To be quite honest, I haven't been so vocal about leaving law school on my socials. I haven't found the right words to say -- I also don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation. I just chose to not continue, point-blank-period. But as a former overachiever, type-A human, I am still trying to shift my mindset to think and see things differently-- to be more than okay with how things didn't plan out for me, to be grateful with how things are going for me, to see the side of my redirection in my perspective not through the lens of others. I also don't know why we (really, I) obsess over little things that I see online. As someone who lives in a small-town that is conservative-leaning, I can be hard on myself for choosing this place as my home when I could be doing "cooler" things in Washington, DC, the Twin Cities, or any other urban area. Heck, I miss hanging out in hipster-like coffee shops and totally pretending like I have my life all-together! Instead, a quick drive to Caribou or Scooters will have to do and the realization that I don't have my life together is FINE. I do have to remind myself, "people who post 'successful' things may not be having an easy time." People who scroll and read other's posts may glorify that single post and make it into the identity of that person, but humans are so multi-dimensional!! We are dealing with bs, joy, frustration, laughter all at the same time or in the same week. I'm also thinking I need to shift this attitude of "What must I do next?" to "How am I living my most authentic-life today?" Easier said than done, but I do think my fist step is to not log-in to LinkedIn so often aka everyday! This redirection needs attention and love. How do you brave the online world? How do you make sure you're not consuming more than what you're experiencing irl?

What I'm Watching and Loving rn:

For two years, my boyfriend and I have learned to enjoy the outdoors regardless of the weather, especially taking hikes at state parks. Some hikes are a breeze, and those usually look like flat, clean terrain with minimal incline. And a hike's excellent conditions typically feel like a lovely day in Spring -- birds are chirping, the breeze is slightly caressing your face, and the sun is shining enough to keep you warm but not hot. Well, some of the hikes we've down in Minnesota have been the least challenging, especially during the winter. Less than two weeks ago, we visited Myre-Big Island State Park near Albert Lea, Minnesota. Our main goal with hiking is to walk on the 'Hiking Club Trail,' which leads us to a password! Collecting passwords has perks, like winning a free night of camping at any state park (you must collect so many for that to happen). We arrived at the state park on a Saturday afternoon and enjoyed a solitary evening of camp -- it was nearly below-freezing. Still, we stayed warm in our cozy teardrop camper. We decided that with sundown, we'd hold off starting anything until the following morning. We started the hike by 10 am the following day, which took us over two hours to finish. We had accomplished around six miles of rough terrain. Some of the trails at the Myre-Big Island are paved! Unfortunately for us, the trails were full of ice and deep snow. We do not own snowshoes, but we've hiked on snow before, so we continued. Another unfortunate thing about the state park is that its views are not the most flattering unless you genuinely love the lonely prairie with naked trees. Our hike reminded me of the movie, "Wild" with Reese Witherspoon. Interstate 90 is not too far from the park that once you hit the trail on the east side, you start to hear the rumbling noises of semis and vehicles. At that point, I really thought I was hitchhiking. I had moments of regret and exhaustion while we zig-zagged through tight pathways and walked on sharp inclines through heavy snow. It didn't help that my anxiety spiked when I noticed we had a way to go and we were the only ones on the trail. After almost giving up out of no end in sight, I felt so overjoyed to see the road that took us back to camp. Once at camp, we changed from our wet outfits to dry, comfortable clothes for our ride home. We celebrated with a stop at Erbert's and Gerberts! Finishing a hike hits the spot just like completing the mile did for me back in public school -- I was not fast, but I got it done. Similar to the hike, I peaked in my early twenties and plummeted at 24. I felt like I had accomplished so much in college and a year post-college. My triumphs were based on receiving awards and praise. For the longest time, I've been measuring my worthiness with how many people like me, entrust in me, talk to me, how often I share on social media, and who gives me likes or comments. Pretty bad, right? I couldn't help but believe this to be true because of what I saw from friends and acquaintances. So and so were nominated for a national award, so and so was named [a insert fancy title], so and so is starting grad school, and the list goes on. I couldn't help but continue to compare myself with others. I wanted more for myself (which is not to say that's bad because it isn't), but I didn't realize that what I was chasing after were the dreams of an 18-year-old me. 18-year-old me wanted a law degree to keep proving people wrong and, most importantly, to prove that her parent's made a great choice by immigrating to the United States and she would be the golden girl as a fancy lawyer. But A TON has happened in my life since I was 18. At 26, I realize that with life, there will be many hikes, not just one! And my peak versus someone else's will look different. Regardless of the peak, I have learned to be okay with the day-to-day life of just figuring it out. I'm happier learning to heal and keep going because all of this is my peak, and it'll feel good as long as I'm working on myself and getting to the other side of the trail.

What I'm Currently Loving Right Now

• My therapy sessions

• The fact that I have a 62-day streak with Duolingo! "Je parle Francaise" (;

• My new, light-blue Cotopaxi jacket!! A great jacket for them cold hikes.

What I'm Currently Not Into Right Now

It is Spring 2011, I'm in the eighth grade hanging out with my besties during recess and we're walking slow circles around the track made out of gravel. As we do so, we jam to music on my shiny, purple iPod nano.

Prince Royce's Spanish ballads hit a nerve in our teenage bodies, our young little hearts pump
say our energy in that moment completely matches the energy Raven fanatically gives to the Boyz 'N Motion (from That's So Raven) or when Meilin Lee and her besties obsess over 4*Town (from Turning Red). My obsession over Prince Royce and his music followed me through high school. In 2013, he released 'Soy El Mismo' which stands for 'I am the same'. In short, this song talks about being the same person from years ago that would write love songs, show his love, and expressing that he is still the same even with fame, money, etc. When I think about this single (which is obviously in my top 3 of his) and this newsletter, I'm telling myself, "Just an FYI you so know who you are. You're the same as the 7, 14, 18, year old Andrea. Regardless of what has happened in life, I'm the same girl who lives in curiosity, who is a hopeless romantic, who is fantasizing about the life she can have."I see this teenage life of mine with so much emotion and curiosity. I imagine my younger version on the tracks with so much life, hope, and filled with fantasies of what love and happiness will be in the future. Andrea's younger thoughts would never be negative or sad responses to her 'what-if's, but instead she'd be romanticizing them and/or believing good things would come out. I think I also see this title, 'soy la misma' as a way to cope with my healing journey. Sometimes it is scary to feel that with age and negative experiences, we become a person we no longer recognize. While I can accept that age provides wisdom and that my negative experiences did happen, none of this defines who I am. So, perhaps, I am writing this newsletter as a love letter to myself. At twenty-six, I've learned that I am on my own path, I can re-direct my career, I can plan for kids/marriage when I want (even though it can be hard with societal pressure)! But, at twenty-six, I want to reassure myself that I do know who I am.

What I'm watching: