Weekly Dispatch Blotter Highlights: Issue #74 Request for assistance to cut ring off. (Ring removed.)
Oh, the hilarity of Northern Michigan
Welcome to A Most Unreliable Narrator, the slice-of-life newsletter of GenXer around town, Lisa Rabey. I talk about anything and everything with a bit of swears. I’m glad you’re here.
Throbbing Cabin is in Leelanau County whose local weekly newspaper, the Leelanau Enterprise, publishes the dispatch calls to 911. Additional reporting by The Ticker.
These are the highlights.
These are all real calls.
(Ed. All spelling errors and grammatical mistakes left in place.)
Wednesday, Feb. 9
10:05 a.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Caller’s 14-year-old granddaughter is having truancy issues. Would like her spoken to.
4:06 p.m. — Elmwood Township — Neighbor is pulling out stakes that were placed by surveyor.
Thursday, Feb. 10
4:20 p.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Michigan Lottery called. Subject is threatening because he is missing money from his account.
Friday, Feb. 11
12:48 a.m. — Elmwood Township — Female called stating she didn’t want anyone to come. Her brother is getting mad at her. Said she “accidentally” called 911 after she was threatened. But didn’t mean to. Later stated she just fell. Would not give names of anyone there. (Subject taken into custody for domestic violence.)
12:51 p.m. — Bingham Township — Subject had court today. Has to go to jail by 4 p.m. for two weeks. He said he would rather die than go. (Subject in protective custody.)
7:33 p.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Family trouble. Caller’s 16-year-old son is raging and needs help. Yelling and screaming. Being violent. Not under the influence.
10:56 p.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Female customer under the influence of something. Keeps coming into the building looking for her “stuff.”
11:59 p.m. — Centerville Township — Caller was in the process of moving and packing things to get ready to move out by March 1. While he was moving, caller accidentally dropped a box, which work his ex-girlfriend (who is current roommate) up and became angry. She tried to block his way and he “moved” her out of the way.
Sunday, Feb. 13
7:02 a.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Two juveniles stole cold and flu medications. Grabbed three and bought small box of candy.
8:07 a.m. — Solon Township — Caller bought $1,000 in Apple gift cards to try to get Microsoft to fix her computer that was hacked. Now is aware it was a scam.
2:54 p.m. — Kasson Township — Someone is selling drugs out of their house. (Negative upon contact. Subject has been there for nine years and does not know what they’re talking about.)
10:57 p.m. — Bingham Township — Man in a thin, unzipped coat carrying a bag. Walking alongside the road. It’s very cold and caller thinks he should be checked on.
Monday, Feb. 14
4:52 p.m. — Leelanau Township — Set of footprints going down the driveway, toward beach. Back around the house. Caller does not need to be seen. Would like deputy to check when next on duty.
6:09 p.m. — Elmwood Township — Two children got home and found the house locked. Now they are missing. (Boys had gone to a friend’s house until mom got home. They are fine.)
6:40 p.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Elderly man standing on side of road with cane attempting to hitchhike. (Subject was dropped out with BATA).
Wednesday, Feb. 16
12:06 p.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Social Security number was used to apply for payment program to buy perfume.
11:12 p.m. — Leelanau Township — Dad fell off the roof hours ago and is now unconscious.
Thursday, Feb. 17
10:55 a.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Drugs found.
4:34 p.m. — Kasson Township — Caller was robbed in Grand Rapids.
8:55 p.m. — Elmwood Township — Caller just noticed that her vehicle was in parking lot around 4 p.m.
Friday, Feb. 18
12:39 a.m. — Leelanau Township — Subject was dropped off on South Fox Island and now has a broken knee. Coast Guard sent a helicopter out to get the patient.
4:34 p.m. — Glen Arbor Township — Found wallet in the woods. Looked like it was thrown out a window. Caller messaged owner on Facebook. Owner of the wallet is at the airport. Will be bringing the wallet there. Wallet delivered. Owner was able to leave on his scheduled flight.
Sunday, Feb. 20
3:57 p.m. — Glen Arbor Township — Sledding injury.
6:13 p.m. — Centerville Township — Three cows out in the roadway.
Monday, Feb. 21
10:02 a.m. — Leland Township — Elderly man in his 80s, blue jacket, face mask. Walked into the Enterprise, went into the break room. Got a Popsicle and is now eastbound on M-204. Seems disoriented. (Caller called back. Subject got onto a BATA bus and is no longer in the area.)
7:04 p.m. —Cleveland Township — Unruly 17-year-old has been physical. Recently kicked out and sent to his father’s house and was violent there. So sent back to mom’s. While setting the ground rules, teenager became unruly and upset. (In custody for domestic violence.)
9:57 p.m. — Empire Township — Person next door is making a bunch of noise. Caller was disconnected and won’t answer on call back.
10:33 p.m. — Elmwood Township — Request for assistance to cut ring off. (Ring removed.)
Tuesday, Feb. 22
10:30 a.m. — Leelanau Township — Caller is buying house next door. The current tenant wants to continue to rent the property after the agreed turnover date.
11:25 a.m. — Suttons Bay Township — Business account has been hacked.
Get vaccinated and mask up! There is a pandemic going on.
lisa x
(Fuck fascists and Nazis!)
You've just finished reading A Most Unreliable Narrator: the slice of life newsletter from the GenXer about town, Lisa Rabey. You can find me on Instagram, Facebook and Bluesky if you're so inclined. I am everywhere. Copyright © 1996 - 2025 by Lisa Rabey