The Promise Letter
Hello again friend,
Yesterday, I sat and watched my daughter as she played in her sandbox in the backyard. She filled her bucket then slowly dumped it back out into the sandbox. She repeated this over and over again, never tiring or becoming bored. She found wonder in something we’d consider mundane. She was in her own little world and I was in mine. Overwhelming feelings of joy and love flushed my body and I began thinking about her future; our future.
How is the world going to treat her?
What mark is she going to make in this world?
How do I stop the world from dimming her light?
What kind of mom do I want to be for her?
The first question is completely out of my control. As much as I’d love to protect her from a world that has the potential to be so cruel, I can’t. It pains me to accept that, but I must. As for question number 2, that’s also out of my hands. That’s up to her what she’s going to do in this world. All I can really do is expose her to as many things as possible and allow her to discover her place. That’s another thing that pains me to accept. I feel like a mama bear and I want to protect her from all pain, threats, and struggles. In an ideal world, she’d have an easy life with no adversity whatsoever. But, where is the growth in that?
Unfortunately and fortunately, this isn’t an ideal world. The challenges in life shape our character and allow us to grow. They are the greatest lessons that tend to not be appreciated until after they have passed. So, who am I to deprive her of those opportunities?
The third question, that’s when I come into play. That’s when I gain control back. How do I stop the world from dimming her light? I teach her to be a confident human and be authentic without allowing the opinions of others stop her from embodying her truth. And how do I do that?
Through modeling.
I have to show her that it’s okay to step out of the comfort zone to stay true to yourself. That sometimes going against the current brings you to your true self rather than traveling downstream to dump into the ocean of the majority. She has a life to live and shouldn’t spend it worrying about what the world will say.
It’s a big job for me, but she’ll be better off for it and so will I. It’s scary, but necessary. It’s simple, but not easy. I’ve lived my whole life doing what I “should” and I learned to deny myself of what I truly need for the sake of pleasing others.
I don’t want that for her. The cycle ends with me. Period.
Now for the last question, what kind of mom do I want to be?
I want to be her guide through life. I want to be a source of wisdom, compassion, empathy, patience, and understanding for her. I want her to know in her heart and in her soul that my love for her is unconditional and there is absolutely nothing that could ever make me not love her or not accept her. Nothing. I want her to feel seen and heard.
I want to be a model for her. Almost automatically, you place a God complex on your parents. You see them as doing no wrong and that they know everything. But they are humans. Everyone has flaws, traumas, and triggers. I want to be a model for her as a human being. I’m not a God. I have things that I’m working through and trying to improve in my life. I want to be authentic with her.
I want her to know that from the moment of her birth the world has tried to place her within a box. The box of what a girl is like and eventually what a woman is like. But, that box is wrong. It’s limiting and it’s an illusion. There is nothing within her personality, her interests, or her physical looks that could make her any less of a girl. There may be standard, general qualities of what a girl is, but only she knows what her version of her girlhood will look like. Staying true to yourself will get you a lot of criticism, but will also attract the right people into your life.
I was never a girly girl. When I was younger, most of my cousins that I spent time with were boys. That meant a lot of sports. I’d be all dressed up with makeup on during holidays, but wouldn’t hesitate for a second to join the football game happening in the front yard. I was athletic, competitive and I had fun doing it. I always felt that I shouldn’t be out there because none of the other girls in my family were, but always decided to stay true to what I wanted to do. That’s what I want for her.
The shackles placed upon us are meant to be broken. That’s what separates the good from the great.
When considering what kind of mom I want to be to my daughter, it all comes down to what kind of person I want to be to the world. No matter what I say, she is going to pay attention to what I do; the actions I take. Children are magicians when it comes to seeing through the mask you wear. They notice when you are being true to yourself or not. I don’t want to wear a mask. Therefore, I want to be a source of wisdom, compassion, empathy, patience, and understanding for the world as well.
I was afraid to have a daughter because I didn’t think I was woman enough. Now I am so grateful that my first born was a girl. She has taught me to embrace the feminine energy that was always inside of me while at the same time allowing the masculine energy to shine as well. She taught me that I had the keys to my authenticity and showed me where the lock was. I look forward to showing my daughter that being yourself is how you start to find your place in the world.
I hope you also find a way to allow your truth to shine and learn to love yourself exactly as you are. There is only one you in this world and that’s what makes it such a special place.
I’ll be with you on the journey. Until next week
Namaste,
Alissa
Current book(s) I’m reading:
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate
Fire and Blood by George R.R. Martin
Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho
3Q’s
Quote of the week:
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
― James Baldwin
Questions I’ve asked myself:
What kind of mother/woman do I want to be?
What kind of person do I want to be towards the world?
What things stop me from expressing my true self?
Queue worthy tune when you’ve got the AUX: