What to Do When You're Afraid
When I was a kid, I was terrified of horror movies. I couldn’t watch them, couldn’t be in the same room if they were on. I was particularly scared of vampires. Why vampires? I don’t know.
Eventually, I wanted to watch horror movies, so I just decided to push through the fear. Or, perhaps more accurately, sit with it.
And it worked: I love horror movies. Even if I have to, on occasion, sleep with the lights on. Or watch a movie in broad daylight.
But sitting with fear is an important life skill, horror movies aside. Fear makes us want to run, to pull back, to bolt. But running from the thing you are afraid of often means it will chase you. Sometimes, if that thing is you, there’s nowhere to even go. (But oh how we try.)
Putting aside the issue of the larger things I am currently afraid of (*gestures at the world*), I recognized several incidents recently where I have been afraid.
Afraid of what? The usual life stuff: losing people, getting hurt, hurting someone else, fucking up, being an idiot. Yul Brenner voice: Etc. Etc. Etc.
So, what do you do with fear? The horror movie rules still apply. Don’t run. Look it in the eye. Name it.
And: turn on the light.
Sometimes, turning on the light means making the light. It means pushing through the fear—deciding to do that—and reaching for joy or even the potential of it. Joy is often the counterbalance to most things. I don’t say that flippantly. It’s true.
It means not letting the fear make the decisions or control the narrative. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Well, then do that.
One other thing that helps me too is just…writing it all down. Sometimes, I will rip it up when I’m done. Sometimes, it just helps to put the fear somewhere else, like a text-based exorcism. Sometimes, once you see it in writing, it becomes less scary. More tangible, less monster.
So, what are you afraid of? And what would you do if you weren’t afraid, darlings? Well, then, do that.
Until next week — same Bat time, same Bat channel.
XOXO