The Tenor of Warmth
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.”
― Leonard Cohen
Thinking today on the limits of language. How you can capture a feeling, but never quite translate it perfectly. And yet, we still try. And yet, connection matters and words too. Across the wide expanse of the world, across silences. Little ways of saying I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. And the call echoing back, too.
There are a few people in my life where words aren’t always necessary. The gentle offering between us, or the shared looks, or the reaching out is a language of its own. I find such comfort and solidity in that—there’s a grounding to it, a history of sorts, even if it’s relatively new.
These days, I gravitate to those who are solid, who don’t make me frenetic. That…was not always the case. I often mistook anxiety for butterflies. These days I much prefer wild curiosity. For one thing, it’s far more potent. For another, it’s far more steady and sustainable. I learned that lesson the hard way—through much horror and heartbreak. Through bad choices, which did not seem bad at the time. But looking back, we all have things we might do differently, but that’s always an easy to thing to say from the present vantage point. With all the knowledge of Odin or the Hanged Man, it is far too easy to judge who we were based on who we are. And I find that uncharitable.
I love the quiet that exists sometimes, between two people. The way we can occupy the same space, with a book and cups of tea. How that particular quiet can be such a balm. Don’t get me wrong—I adore good conversation. I crave knowing and understanding. I find the clockwork of a heart completely fascinating, always. Show me what makes you you, and you won’t find a fiercer, more loyal human.
I can send you a photo and say, “Look, isn’t this beautiful!” But what I’m really saying is, I wanted to share this moment with you. I am thinking of you. Sometimes, it’s also I wish you were here. But these little missives in the dark, across the space between us, are really beautiful. There’s something so very affirming about being invited into a moment, about being welcomed into a heart. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of shared joys and connection. It feeds my heart in a way I don’t even fully understand.
I was in a crap mood the other day and got a beautiful photo from someone. Couldn’t stop smiling after that. This doesn’t magically solve the horrors of the world. But it does make the moment easier to manage. Because it’s a reminder: Hey, I’m here. And yes, and so are you. And even at a distance, we are all together. Does that sound cheesy and sappy and very Pollyanna? So be it.
The other week, I remarked to my dad that I’d rather be endlessly amused and delighted than impossible to impress. And that is fundamentally true. I run outside barefoot to greet the neighbor’s cat. I use all the exclamation marks. I grin like an absolute jackass when I’m happy. I still do cartwheels for joy. I dance around while I’m cooking, and I rarely cook without music. I write letters to friends and send random gifts, when I can.
This is all a form of love. And yet, I cannot capture it perfectly. The vibrant delight. The fervent rumbling of desire or curiosity. The tenor of warmth that lights up my bones. I want to call it joy, and that’s it, but not quite it. To quote Plath poorly, it’s the brag of my heart: I am, I am, I am. And yet, more than that.
There is something tremendously magical about the way we meet each other, in this life. How we ask ourselves, Why not? And then extend a hand. How this sometimes can reach back and touch old heartaches and worries, soothingly. Even without a word being spoken.
Like the lights that stretched across the night sky last night, there is beauty everywhere. And when we share it with each other, that closeness makes the world a little less dark.
clears throat A few bits and bobs!
The incredible Sarah Gailey is holding a brilliant Kickstarter. Please support them via this link: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2119397953/love-letters-reasons-to-be-alive
If you haven’t learned about Ida Cook, now is the time: https://bsky.app/profile/garius.bsky.social/post/3l65yrjwfwx2t
Lily Ebert has died, and you should learn about her too (gift link): https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/09/books/lily-ebert-dead.html?unlocked_article_code=1.RU4.hwaP._pN9ZC2nfUa4∣=url-share
Zenni is offering free reading glasses to those impacted by Helene and Milton: https://www.zennioptical.com/hurricane-glasses-donation
Ladies and gentlemen, your moment of Zen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UmVBqRsYJk