small gods of happenstance
It’s a chilly day today, so I am curled up with a favorite cup of tea in a favorite mug. I am currently trying and failing to unbork my back, while the cat fights to sit in my lap. He is a good menace, and I love him.
Anyway, onward!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about fate. Not in the “everything is predestined way,” but more like the small gods of happenstance. How a million little things have to happen and line up, a million choices have to occur for someone’s path to cross ours. And that crossing can absolutely alter the course of a life. When we go left instead of right, when we say yes when we normally wouldn’t. Leave a party early. Go to that party at all. Flirt. Laugh. Smile at someone from across the room. Argue passionately. Swap recipes. Buy a train ticket. Make a wish on a star.
I know for a fact that everything in my life has led me right here. This moment. This space rich with so much possibility. So much love. Everything that I lived through, whether joyously or not, has informed my heart. And that heart dictates my decisions. For some people, it’s their mind that does that. But I’ve never been very good being wholly logical. Can I do that? Yes. But.
Life could be described as a series of accidents. Or a series of obstacles keeping me from reading my book. (haha) But I think it’s a combination of luck and heart. Of choices. Or choosing in a direction.
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is stay. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is leave. Sometimes, there is no middle ground. Always, every big decision is a leap of faith, whether it’s changing jobs, sending that text, or deciding you want something different.
The simple, difficult truth is that vulnerability is really what matters. Finding people to be vulnerable with. Finding the courage to do that. The heart is a thousand closed doors, but there are no keys. The doors open when its right. Trust me.
The other day, I was dragging my feet over a small, meaningful decision. And I reminded myself that I never want to be what holds me back. That offering my heart is the right thing, because hearts are not meant to be kept safe. They’re meant to be shared. Given.
So I sent a silly text with an acknowledgement and was met with joy and warmth in return. And it’s easy to forget, in this often-garbage world, that good things happen. But good things do happen. You make a gesture, and someone makes one in return. You share, and someone shares back.
It’s easy to get lost/mired in all the bad. And don’t get me wrong—the bad is there. But there are people who give a damn and people worth risking everything for.
What if every damn thing has prepared you for this? What if there is no rulebook, except the one you make? What if all it takes to change your life is a deep breath and a shaking voice? Earnestness and vulnerability and, and, and—
what if? That’s the question, right?
Good. Now go find your answer.
XOXO
Today’s tarot card pull: The Hermit, Six of Swords, Ten of Pentacles. Good and fulfillment are coming, after a period of solitude, things are changing for the better.