Small Gestures, Little Bits of Kindness
One thing I value above a lot of things is consistency.
Knowing someone is in your corner—will cheer you on or cheer you up—is everything. We all lead busy lives, but it’s often the smallest gesture that carries the biggest weight. And often times, just being there is that gesture—in the many forms that can take.
I’ve dealt with a lot of unsteadiness and doubt in my life. People who were question marks. People who were unpredictable—never knowing which version was going to appear. People who kept me guessing far too often and who just didn’t listen. That kind of thing—the changeability—is incredibly bad for my emotional well-being.
There’s something to be said for steadiness. Not someone needing to be there 24/7, but being there when it matters. When maybe I’m hurting or feeling alone. And then, suddenly, hurting less and feeling less alone, because I got a letter in the mail, a kind message or comment, or a text.
I was thinking earlier in the week about how I often shy away from asking people for things. It’s something I am constantly working on, because I know it's important and I know my reasons for being imperfect at it. But if I ask for something (even small, like, hey send me a photo of your cat when you have time) and the person responds happily? It unravels any worries I had. We are all a product of our best and most difficult moments. We all have things we are scared of, worries we drag around like boulders no one else can see. It’s why I try to move through life with kindness.
Kindness is never wrong. Kindness can make someone’s day, ease someone’s aching heart, and lift some of the burden from a difficult thing—even if you don’t know about that difficult thing. So why wouldn’t I do that for those I care about? It’s such a small thing and can take myriad forms. And I think that’s pretty wonderful—there are so many ways to demonstrate care. So many gestures, so many ways to show up for each other.
I was a pretty lonely kid for a fairly large chunk of time. I didn’t really fit the idea of how I was “supposed” to for a lot of reasons. I was bullied more than a little bit. But the world was much smaller back then. And now, it’s wider and full of people I adore who make me feel less alone. I wonder what ten-year-old me would think of that. She wouldn’t say it was impossible, because the impossible was/is something that hasn’t happened yet.
These days, I will take steady warmth over flashy, showy displays. I gravitate toward people who aren’t fickle or flighty or inattentive. Whose attention I don’t have to fight for. (We all need to work at relationships, but it shouldn’t feel panicky or like a chore or like…we’re alone in that effort.) And if I am only important to know when you need something, that is the quickest way to lose me.
Some bits and bobs:
Current joy: Being a new full member of SFWA
Currently reading: The Prisoner's Throne by Holly Black
Previous read: A Grave Robbery by Deanna Raybourn
Current soundtrack: The View Between Villages by Noah Kahan
Current thing I'm looking forward to: Dead Boy Detectives on Netflix, April 15th