Show Me Your Fucking Heart
The other day, I wrote this:
We are all often aching in one way or another.
Send the text. Share the photo. Make a gesture.
Love without hesitation or reservation or regret. Care without holding back.
I believe this, 100%.
Showing care is, in my estimation, easy. Give someone a (sincere) compliment. (“I love that color shirt on you!” “You look pretty/handsome!” “I love your brain.”) I have never given an insincere compliment in my life, and I give them all the time. I am unfailingly, sometimes ridiculously, sincere.
Let someone know you’re thinking of them. How? Take two seconds and text them. “Thinking of you — hope your day is good.” Share a silly selfie or a pet photo or a meme! These little things can turn any day around, truly.
Call them. I’m weirdly less good at initiating phone calls, but if you call me and I care, I will pick up the phone. (Have I told you to call me at any point? Congrats, I care.) On tiring drives, I will sit on the phone with a friend, either listening or nattering away. If you need me, I’m there.
Send snail mail! Send a surprise prezzie!
Whenever I get a text from someone I care about, I smile. I know this makes me a dork, but I’m okay with that. I love being thought of. It’s easy to forget, sometimes, that we matter. Or how much. Or to who. These little things are bright constellations, small joys, life rafts.
For me, too, making solid plans is the antidote to a particular heartbreak. When someone is the opposite of reliable, it can make you feel small. There were things in the past that I tolerated and no longer do. But those things left a mark, too. We all have sensitive spots, things that ache when the world shifts a little sideways, like a bad knee in the rain. For me, it’s a solid yes or nothing. I’m exuberant and never go after anything or anyone I don’t fully want. Life’s too short for tepid, and I’ve got better ways to spend my time.
The reverse is also true. Give me a sincere yes and plans. This is the roadmap to my heart. It’s not a difficult path to follow, if you’re paying attention. And chances are, I’ll try to show you, even if I’m shy about it. I appreciate sincerity and certainty. No halfway, no half-measures. Forget the pretty and the polite. Show me your guts, the messy bits, the honest things. And if you say something, mean it—with more than just your mouth.
Little gestures matter. Show up for the people who show up for you. Don’t worry if it’s too much or silly or anything like that. Follow your damn heart, and the rest will sort itself out.
Did you miss my new poem at The Deadlands? You’re in luck. You can read it here: https://thedeadlands.com/issue-35/the-high-priestess/.