Plans, Quirks, and Self-Work
I’m a person who loves plans, for a lot of reasons. For one things, it’s a security thing—I like to look at where I’m going, how I’ll get there, when I should leave, etc. I’m a planner. It’s how I’m built.
But I also love plans, because they make me feel important. I know how cheesy that sounds. But knowing someone has taken time out of their day to schedule something makes me feel loved. And let’s be real: follow-through is hot.
I don’t ask someone to do something if I don’t wholeheartedly want to. Why? Because I’m happy with my own company and lazy clothes and my cat overlord.
But I like people. My people, yes. Not people in the larger sense, often enough. And I want to spend time with them. I am a dork when it comes to this.
While I often think the best of those in my life, the same cannot always be said of myself. Let me explain. When I am emotionally drained and/or physically tired, I’m less myself than usual. I’m less secure. I’m more prone to old anxieties. If someone is quiet, I will assume it’s me, something that I did or said, etc. I will assume I’ve been annoying or weird or asked something completely stupid.
Why? If you guessed trauma from my past, good job. You get a cookie. (Not really. Sorry, I ate them.) The details don’t really matter, but remember Lucy with the football on Charlie Brown? That. Over and over again, way longer than I should've tolerated—a million years ago.
I’ve worked very hard to fix that part of myself. But every now and again, it comes roaring back like the most asshole lion—and I slip. Because I’m human, and healing is never linear. Progress is never linear. We are all works in progress. And anyone who says otherwise is terrifying, and you should run away from them. Red flag city, population NOPE.
So, maybe consider this your friendly reminder to give yourself a little grace. And give it to others, too, because while it is our job to manage our feelings and not expect others to do it for it, we all get messy sometimes. Given the world in which we are living, and how it feels crazier by the day, kindness and love matters now more than ever.
Don’t forget to turn that inward, okay?
Go buy cool jewelry from my friend’s shop:
It is I, but a humble queermosexual, asking that you peruse my goods perchance because I'm short on bills this month. Someone had 1k in vet bills, Matilda, and a $630 dollar electric bill. Halp? https://www.peculiarityshop.com/hillary-s-corner
— Hillary Monahan (@hillarymonahan.bsky.social) 2025-08-22T15:08:00.209Z