A lot of things, lately, have shaken my confidence. Some things are a facet of life. Some are simply a side effect of trying to accomplish things in this mad world. And some are just…people being people. The rest is anxiety/self-doubt that rears its head, from time to time.

I’m not always good at being an adult. I have anxiety around a lot of silly things that people often…don’t get. Because it’s not the norm. Because I internalize. And because it’s sometimes just who I am, as a person. For better or worse, a messy bitch. Or a hot mess. Or both.

It took me a long time not to give myself too much crap for the things about myself I can’t control. It has also taken a lot of practice for me to ask for things, because I am my mother’s daughter. And I will, at my worst moment, cut off my nose to spite my face. I would simply rather eat glass than feel a certain kind of way, ya know? (Dramatic? ME? Perish the thought.)

The past couple of weeks have felt like nothing is going right. And some of that is anxiety and some is just…shit outside of my control. Whether it’s sending out wonky emails, getting rejections (happens!), feeling like an inconvenience, or the endless waiting that would probably make even Godot exclaim, “Well, shit”——things have felt like a lot.

And they are a lot. And I know it’s not just me. Because, whew damn, the world is a dumpster fire full of monsters right now, isn’t it? (Adding to that the fact that Mercury rx is going on, and sweet fancy mother of mercy, why?)

I’ve been trying to shake the feeling that’s been dogging me, but with no success. And I realized that it’s because I actually need to feel the feeling, instead of trying to run away from it. That even the hard bits are part of life. And sometimes, things are gonna suck in a million different directions. Or feel like they suck.

At some point, you have to breathe. At some point, you need to take a beat. At some point, you maybe just need to scream into a pillow.

So, today? Today, I allowed myself to be in a bad mood——without letting it hurt anyone else. Today, I am going to get in some extra floor time later. Cry if I need to. Be frustrated and sad and cranky——and do less where I can. Because sometimes, quiet helps. Sometimes, dance parties in the kitchen help. There are always tools in the toolbox, and reaching for them is good.

If you find yourself in a funky mood, consider this permission to just breathe. To take a beat. You don’t need to do it all today. So, figure out which balls are glass and which are plastic——and drop the plastic ones. Start tomorrow fresh.