yesterday i closed my eyes, in the sun i could still see the fine net of blood vessels in my eyelids. i could hear the sound of distant screams, maybe of delight, probably of delight, and the cries of gulls. i remembered then my parents saying when it happens (no if, just when) we are going to drive towards it, there’s no point in even trying to live through it, why would you? we’ll pack up the car and we’ll drive, and sometimes they guessed it would be minneapolis or even duluth but always chicago. but can we go and see baba first i asked and the conversation stopped and the air was full of that nothing.

yesterday we ate ice cream and i thought how nice it is, how convenient that we don’t, we won’t have to drive anywhere, we can sit on this bench and eat ice cream and listen to the screams of delight and it will come to us, when it comes.