This is the lowest I’ve felt maybe since everything started, I look at everything that lies ahead this year with real dread, and concern that I’m not going to be up to it. I am more resourceful than most, I like this better than resilient which I’ve also had applied to me but which has always sounded like I know how to take a punch. For the record, I do. I take my punches the real and the metaphorical ones, like a man (the real and the metaphorical ones). The other day someone told me that’s how Houdini died; I had sort of assumed it was some death defying stunt gone awry, but it was a sucker punch apparently, the kind you don’t see coming until you feel it in your kidneys. Something burst inside him, maybe his appendix and then it was game over, it didn’t matter anymore how many keys he swallowed or his knowledge of lock picking or ability to hold his breath for incredible durations. What a shock that must have been. History as usual does not record what went through his mind when he realized that this was how it was going to end after all.