It's a clapback at Pitchfork
So Pitchfork gave Kylie Minogue’s Disco a 5.6, and I have something to say about it…
I don’t give validity to any ranking system. As a reviewer myself, I don’t like to assign a number value to anything I do, I try and describe the experience through what I feel would be the ideal audience. I’ve panned some things, but I usually have a pretty dang good excuse for it.
Giving Disco such a low score isn’t just wrong, it’s homophobic! This album is meant for gays like me to shake their little butts to as we softly lament the days when those butt shakes would be ogled at by old queens. Now I just have my boyfriend fully laugh at how ridiculous I look, and that’s not fun. This album is so fun, and a great contextualization of a modern disco album. Pitchfork, with this, you’ve hurt my heart. Because I know some group chat f*ggot is just reveling in the smug satisfaction of their lukewarm take that this album isn’t that good. But this isn’t the first time Pitchforks attacked the LGBTQIA+ community with it’s arbitrary rating system. So here are a few reviews that I don’t agree with.
And because they don’t actually take the time to even LISTEN to the albums they review, these reactions are purely based off the number (sorry, I DON’T LIKE TO READ!!)
You’re telling me Vroom Vroom didn’t even pass? SOPHIE and AG Cook gave Charlie XCX the sound she currently uses. You gave her quarantine album a 7.4, and you’re going to spit on the origins of her sound?! This over produced pop is not only a comment on the over production of generic music, but it’s dark soundscapes combined with bursting synthetic back beats give the crop top k-hole boys prostate orgasms. What? Did that silver fox at the circuit party not fist your prudish little hole? You’re trash PITCHFORK!
MISSY ELLIOTT IS THE ABSOLUTE QUEEN! Before Meg, before Cardi, before Niki, before LITTLE MAMA HERSELF; this absolute icon was changing the game before whatever diaper wearing rave queer was wearing them unironically.
Iconology is a push forward into Missy’s newly establish sound in WTF (Where They From) and I’m Better. I’m sorry your widdle baby eardrums couldn’t handle this artress gracing us with something to tickle our dicks too. These Pitchfork cowards are too afraid of the POWER she holds with this!
You don’t deserve BLACKPINK in your area! This group transcends K-POP like no other group has, and you’re gonna do them rotten like this? This EP has RANGE! From bops to slow grinds, and the definitive DDU-DU DDU-DU Remix!
Pitch to the fork I’m a skewer your whole staff for this.
This is LITERAL homophobia! Sam Smith is the queer dance Adele and I don’t care if that’s a baseless shallow assumption! You’ve been soooo happy with quarantine, you decide we don’t need sad music anymore?! Please… This is such a vulnerable album for Sam, you could’ve at least thrown him a 7.5 MINIMUM! They need it, they’ve clearly been going through something (or did you not listen to this SAD SAD ALBUM IT’S BEAUTIFUL!)
Pitchfork has not soul…
Selena Gomez has been the one since she was a little wizard at Waverly Place! Rare showcases her growth as a musical artist, and has us bumpin on our couches till the clubs reopen. You Justin Beiber lovin’, at least you gave Purpose the lower rating it deserves! What, you hate that Selena sold a cooking show to HBO Max and all she does is learn from some of the best chef’s in LA and cooks fun things with her friends and family in her big ass house? We all do! Encourage her to keep making music, swine!
You’ve already lost me and I don’t love you, Pitchfork… Watch me go-
This should be a 10… You’re giving Kanye 9’s for his ramblings and you’re gonna spit on Carly like this?!