The Conquistabores Dirt Sheet #005
Intro
Woah! Woah! It’s WrestleMania! Fighting to survive!
Yep, it’s the best time of the year (other than the G1 Climax, Christmas or the Royal Rumble) as it’s WrestleMania week! It’s the showcase of the immortals, the grandest stage of them all and all that. And it’s seven hours long.
But hey! Wrestling, amirite? So there’s clearly no better use of the newsletter this week than to run through the card and get the predictions from the ConquistaBoys!
Let’s go!
-The Conquistabores
WrestleMania 34 Preview
Seven hours long! Seven! But anyway, most of this will probably be overshadowed by at least one match from the NXT show the day before but never mind. Let’s see what we’ve got to look forward to this year:
Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns (Universal championship)
As Agent Smith once said, that’s the sound of inevitability. It seems crazy to be in a world where Roman Reigns has headlined three Manias in a row and still isn’t properly over with the fans. Will this be the one to finally do it? Probably not, as it all depends on the attitude Lesnar brings to the match. REIGNS TO WIN (Phil)
Good God I’m bored of Brock now. It’s obvious he’s here for the money alone and I’d actually forgotten he was still champ before all this kicked off. Having Roman walk out as champion will go down with the live crowd about as well as Kid Rock performing live so can we just have both of them somehow lose? (Cam)
No one is going to win in this match. We either have the continuation of the Part Time Champion or Roman Reigns…I can’t bring myself to pick one. Winner - No one (Euan)
AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (WWE championship)
AW YEAH. This is the one that everyone (at least in the ConquistaTowers) is super excited for. Their last meeting, at Wrestle Kingdom for NJPW, was a proper in bold type five-star match. This time? The only black cloud on the horizon is that niggling injury AJ has supposed to have been carrying. Still though, should be a card stealer this one. NAKAMURA TO WIN (Phil)
This is the reason I’ll be watching this show but I still get the feeling that WWE will find some way to screw it up. I’m sensing a Sheamus/Daniel Bryan 18 second style shenanigans. Nakamura to win though…please. (Cam)
One of the two matches i actually care about seeing, this should be a showstealer with the return of one of best feuds in New Japan. This is the time for Nakamura to shine and show the WWE fans (I won’t call it the ‘Universe’, f*ck you Vince) that he is the King of Strong Style. Tear the house down boys. Nakamura to win (Euan)
Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs. Stephanie McMahon & Triple H
As a way to bring Rousey in, sticking her in with a couple of safe hands like Angle and Trips is a good idea. Still, this should have been last year with the Rock but no matter. ROUSEY AND ANGLE TO WIN (Phil)
Not sure who’s going to win this but I’ll guarantee one thing. At some point in this match Stephanie McMahon will be booked to look competitive against Ronda Rousey. It’ll also be awful. (Cam)
Solid way to introduce Rousey to the non UFC fan base, match itself is blah at best. Angle and Rousey to win (Euan)
Daniel Bryan & Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
If there’s one match where I would want to be in the crowd then it’s this one. Can you imagine the pop when Bryan’s music hits? Good Lord. BRYAN TO WIN or the crowd riots (Phil)
Please let Daniel gets through this match okay and please, for all that is holy, let him win. (Cam)
The pop for Daniel Bryan’s entrance will be heard around the world, I just hope he and McMahon don’t somehow explode when taking bumps with all the combined injuries on that team. Owens and Zayn are simply incredible as a duo, should be a good one. Team Here Comes The YES YES YES to win (Euan)
Charlotte vs. Asuka (SmackDown women’s championship)
Ooooh, this should be a good one. Asuka has been on a march ever since joining NXT, whilst Charlotte has been long positioned as the top female wrestle in the company. Streak versus title makes for a great match and one that’s tough to call. Either would get a good rub from a win, either Asuka as champ or Charlotte as the streak conqueror. I know where I want them to go. ASUKA TO WIN (Phil)
This has got to be Asuka right? This has sleeper hit of the night written on it for me. (Cam)
THIS. WILL. BE. AMAZING. That’s all you need to know, the new Queen of Raw will be crowned. Asuka to win (Euan)
Alexa Bliss vs. Nia Jax (Raw women’s championship)
Being a true heel in the current company is tough but Alexa Bliss has certainly managed it. Having her as a cowardly heel up against the dominant Nia? That should be good, and probably the time to put Nia over and finally put a belt on her. NIA TO WIN (Phil)
Keep that belt on Alexa. Beautiful, gorgeous, lovely Alexa. (Cam)
What Cameron said (Euan)
The Miz vs. Finn Balor vs. Seth Rollins (Intercontinental championship)
Speaking of true heels, isn’t the Miz a piece of shit? A triple threat isn’t ideal but the way the feud has been built has been great with simmering tension all around. Hopefully, we’ll see a Balor heel turn and see a bit more of that Real Rock ‘n Rolla attitude he had back when the Bullet Club started. BALOR TO WIN (Phil)
Kind of feel Finn is wasted here but anything that involves him getting gold is fine by me. Balor Club for the win. (Cam)
A complete waste of Balor and his many many talents, just let him and Nakamura wrestle already so I can explode from the happiness. Balor to win (Euan)
Randy Orton vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev (U.S. championship)
As bad as it sounds, this is as close as possible as it gets on this card to the toilet break match. Well, apart from Rusev of course. Clearly the most over person in the match but guessing still not enough to get them off the Pre-Show. RUSEV TO WIN (Phil)
This will be the opener yeah? Let’s have Rusev celebrate Rusev Day right. (Cam)
RUSEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! (Euan)
The Usos vs. New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers (SmackDown tag team championship)
Hammers! Seriously, Harper and Rowan have been seriously under-utilised since being split from the Wyatt Family so seeing them coming back and being thrown into the tag team mix like this is ace. Still, is it too soon for them to get the belts? Do the New Day need them again? Tricky. USOS TO WIN (Phil)
Sterling work from two of the teams here lately, I’m actually looking forward to this. Still think the Usos should retain though. (Cam)
If there is a God, the Bludgeon Brothers will win and bring with them a reign of pain and destruction to Smackdown. But because that would be fun, Usos to win (Euan)
Cesaro & Sheamus vs. Braun Strowman & Mystery Partner
More tag team fun! The Bar have become a brilliant team, however they haven’t got a really strong face team to work with on Raw. There was Rollins/Ambrose but then that stopped thanks to injury, same with The Hardyz. Titus Worldwide? Nah. So this, as thrown together as it seems, isn’t the worst idea but depends on who they pick as Strowman’s partner. Still, love me some Braun. STROWMAN AND MYSTERY PARTNER TO WIN (Phil)
Braun to win, his tag partner is God coming back after that match in 2005. (Cam)
Alan Milburn will make his WWE debut at Wrestlemania and go toe to toe with The Bar…no really, trust me. The Bar to retain (Euan)
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali (Cruiserweight Championship Tournament Final)
207 Live has dropped off my radar but by all accounts, since your man Drake Maverick (such a great name) came in the quality has increased. So, this should be a good match with a build that so far has flown under the radar. Still, it’ll be on the pre-show. ALI TO WIN (Phil)
Ali is getting all the hype before this so it’s got to be him right? (Cam)
205 Live is something I should watch simply for all the talent that is being wasted there but I can’t seem to get round to it. I hope these two tear the house down. Ali to win (Euan)
Mae Young WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal
How the hell are you supposed to call this one? Seems a waste having Sasha and Bayley involved with this, hopefully the Boss will cement a heel turn by throwing out Bayley or something. BAYLEY TO WIN (Phil)
Probably a returning James Ellsworth. (Cam)
Who the f*ck cares? (Euan)
Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Remember when Cesaro won this and it seemed like a really big deal? Yeah, me to. Last year fucking Mono Rawley won so Christ l ones where they’re going with it this year. WOKEN MATT HARDY BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT, RIGHT? (Phil)
This will probably be some midcarder who they won’t give a toss about for the rest of the year. Probably whoever or whatever Bray Wyatt comes back as. (Cam)
Same as women’s rumble (Euan)
Outro
So there we have it. Sure on the next edition of this we’ll have some chat about our thoughts on the show itself, the NXT show and whatever else interesting happens this weekend. Isn’t there a Cody Rhodes versus Kenny Omega match as well happening this weekend?
So much wrestling!
Bye!
-The Conquistabores