In Search of Metal pt 1: Old-school
You are summoned forthwith to pay homage to the one true king
Listen: I get it. In the year 2000 you were reading the magazines and the websites and the tastemakers and none of it mentioned this heavy metal bullshit apart from maybe Deftones so WHY should you go out of your way now? Especially when there's so much of the stuff it essentially constitutes a parallel musical economy. How on earth is the uninitiated meant to wade through all this to find the gold? That's where I, The One True Poster, one-time prediction bracket champion, come in, because I have both impeccable taste and questionable ways of applying it. First off we will start with the most basic form of heavy metal: heavy metal (or traditional metal, or true metal, or what have you). Original recipe heavy metal is the kind that owes its existence primarily to Judas Priest, it's what your grandma pictures when she hears "heavy metal", and in the year 2000 you might think it was as dead as the dodo. Not true! In fact, in metal, no matter how dead something seems, you'll find swathes of records in its mold any given year. 2000 is not a banner year for True Metal, but it has a decent heap of records to recommend, and I will go through the most notable ones, from, by my accounting, worst to best.
Brave New World by Iron Maiden: After nearly a decade of solo excursions and misconceived replacement singers, Iron Maiden reunited for their first album with Bruce Dickinson since Fear of the Dark. Of all the old-school metal albums I will discuss, this is probably the one most likely to qualify, and also the one I like the least. The thing feels like one really long song, like 70 minutes of "Rime of the Ancient Mariner". It's very cleanly-produced, features none-too-memorable songwriting, and is generally just too damn long. It's fine, it's good, I'm nominating it, but I think the only reason it's gone down as a canonical metal classic is metalheads were happy to be rid of Blaze Bayley.
My score: ☆☆☆½ (out of 5)
Resurrection by Halford: Rob Halford, the Metal God himself, spent the 90s following his muse towards newer, groovier forms of metal, to the consternation of purists. By 2000 he'd formed a new band to get back to the classic Judas Priest style. Unfortunately, as you can imagine, the gaggle of bozos featured here are no match for Priest proper backing him. Still, if you enjoyed Painkiller in the 1990 tournament, chances are you will enjoy this, the songwriting is strong even if the sound is a tad boilerplate (even for this most boilerplate of metal varieties).
My score: ☆☆☆½
Down Among the Dead Men by The Lord Weird Slough Feg: The brainchild of philosophy professor Mike Scalzi, Slough Feg play what some refer to as "US power metal", which essentially means it has the heft and battle-readiness of Manowar but is neither fast nor melodic enough to be considered power metal proper. Their sound is robust, and their lyrics utilize a lot of out-there fantasy imagery. I don't pay very much attention to lyrics but what snippets I did internalize seemed pretty fun. They sound like a less progressive Manilla Road or a less problematic Iced Earth, if either of those names mean anything to you, which they probably don't
My score: ☆☆☆☆
We Are Motörhead by Motörhead: Motörhead are doomed by consistency, I think. Album after album after album of quality material, and outside the humdingers from the 70s and 80s, none have entered the "canon". There's nothing interesting to say about a Motörhead album because they're almost all good in almost exactly the same way, without even the massive sales and resulting familiarity that makes an AC/DC album feel like an event. Did a single Motörhead album qualify in the 90s tournaments? If you have ever heard a Motörhead song you already know whether you will like this album.
My score: ☆☆☆☆
Magica by Dio: Metal's dork king Ronnie James Dio was on the outs with the true metalheads after the vaguely-alt-metal-y Angry Machines, so he rehired most of his Dream Evil lineup and returned to the basics with Magica, a concept album featuring a fantasy story that you can hear in the form of a lengthy audiobook post-script narrated by Dio himself, should you so desire. And concept aside I do mean the basics: this borders upon being a doom metal album, so slow and weighty is its pace. The deliberateness is a positive, though. The riffs and the hooks are punchy and memorable, and Dio's voice is in strong form. Before he died Dio had been planning to record followup albums continuing the Magica concept, so this is something of a fan favorite, a reminder of what might have been.
My score: ☆☆☆☆
House of God by King Diamond: Next to Motörhead King Diamond was the most reliable force in metal for a long time, releasing a new horror/Satan-themed concept album every year or two with either his titular band or Mercyful Fate. And his quality control was very consistent. King Diamond's compositions could be described as dense but to-the-point, progressive without being proggy, campy without being kitschy. House of God tells a story of loneliness and damnation based on a notorious French estate. Current biggest name in rock Ghost's sound is famously a toned-down take on King Diamond, so if you like Ghost but wish they were harder, this is the place to turn.
But if you only listen to one.....
Thane to the Throne by Jag Panzer: Jag Panzer burst upon the scene with their classic debut album Ample Destruction in 1984 and then disappeared for a decade. As far as even most metal fans are concerned the story ends there, but Jag Panzer have been plugging away ever since, serving up hefty US-style power metal. This particular album comes damn close to being regular power metal, but it's probably not fast enough for that. Thane to the Throne is a concept album about Macbeth, and seems to follow the plot pretty closely, though I'm not terribly familiar with the story. It's got symphonic elements, solos that border on neoclassical, and many, many riffs. Over an hour long but speeds by. A should-be classic.
My score: ☆☆☆☆½
Dismissed