What Everyone Misunderstands About The UK Citizenship Test
It's possibly a failing in me, but hypocrisy angers me more than malevolence. If you're going to be evil, at least have the decency to be honest. Don't try to squirm your way out of it.
Thus it is with the UK Citizenship Test, except that it's not actually called that, is it, because when people are obfuscating, they invariably pick a bullshit name, in this case: "The Life in the UK Test".
Now, let's get something out of the way. This was a test introduced to appease people who were either racist or racist-adjacent, and is thus dodgy as hell. But that's not what gets me angry (see the above failing). No, what gets me angry is that everyone, both supporters and detractors, insists on accepting at face value the claim that it's intended to test knowledge of British culture and values.
It's not. It's a bloody comprehension test on the English language. That's it.
A comprehension test is designed to test a child's ability to read and understand texts they read. A typical test will include an extract or the full text for children to read, followed by a set of questions based on the text.
Don't believe me? Well some 22 years ago, when then Home Secretary David Blanket was introducing the new test, he started off on the party line by saying "It has to do with an understanding of the society, of the world that you are coming into." But then he slipped up by adding that migrants fluent in English were 20% more likely to get work and that this would be encouraged by asking applicants for naturalisation to demonstrate certain standards of English.
Here's how it works.
The test asks you questions about the contents of a set text, that text being: Life in the UK: Test Handbook.
Like any comprehension test, you read the text, and then answer questions about the text. An example question might be which percentage of the UK population are Welsh: 2%, 4%, 6% or 8%. Obviously, if you haven't read the book you won't know the answer, but getting the answer right proves three things:
You understand English.
You can read.
You have a certain level of intelligence (enough to retain facts).
Now there's perhaps an argument to make that we don't want illiterate and stupid people who can't speak English to become citizens. (Not one that I'd make, mind). But the point is that no-one's had the guts to make this argument. So they hide behind this bullshit that it's about making sure that newly minted British citizens understand British culture and values.
Which then causes further confusion. I've lost count of how many articles I've read where they get British citizens to take the test without first reading the set text they're being questioned about, and then use the fact that most of them fail to make some sort of point about immigrants understanding British values better than the "indigenous population".
But of course most of them failed it. That's usually what happens when you attempt a comprehension test without reading the text you're being questioned about.
So what would I do?
Well if we feel as a nation that we want to restrict citizenship to only those who can pass an English language comprehension test then we should be honest about it.
I'd pick A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens as the set text, and then ask questions like:
What was Scrooge's first name:
Abraham
Ebenezer
Silas
Oliver
Alternatively, if you insist on it being about British values, then damn well make it so, with questions like:
You are queuing at the post office when someone pushes into the queue in front of you. Do you:
Do nothing.
Tut.
Remonstrate with the queue jumper.
(The answer is, of course, 2. Option 1 is spineless, and option 3 would be something expected of an excitable Southern European.)
Alternatively, just get rid of the bloody thing.
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