On Social Anxiety (SF Convention Version)
A couple of weeks ago, having a made a somewhat fleeting one-day visit to Levitation, the 2024 Eastercon at Telford, I made the following observation:
Or to put it in a meme form that only people alive in the UK during the 1980s and who saw this advert will understand:
Having said that, in this case I was only coming for the day, and since it was a two plus hour drive each way I wasn't ever going to do much than have the chat with my agent, John Jarrold, that was my prime motivation for going. Although I did also take in one panel, buy one item from the art show, and of course, get to see the Telford International Centre.
(As an aside, for those who don't know, Telford is one of the wave of "new towns" that were built in the UK after the Second World War as entirely new communities, which means that now, fifty years later, there's a sort of air of yesterday's tomorrow, today, about it).
But in general, the observation is true. I know, to talk to, plenty of people at Eastercons. Hell, I met and talked to four of them in the few hours I was at Levitation. But I know them all individually; I don't know their friends. So when I'm wondering around an Eastercon's bar of an evening and see one of them at a table with a whole load of other people, all chatting away, I feel awkward about wandering over and asking if I can join them.
Because while they know me, none of the others do, and even if they're happy to invite me to join them, do they have the right to invite me on behalf of others who don't know me? What if they get on with me, but don't know if I'll get on with their friends? What if their friends turn out to not get on with me? What if, what if, what if.
I know what you're saying right now: I'm overthinking this. And you're right, I am. I sometimes think I'm cursed to be a nervous and neurotic Border Collie in a world where tail-thumping, happy-go-lucky Labradors have much more fun. But alas, I am what I am, and not necessarily in a tub-thumping, triumphant, show-tune kind of way.
After I posted that skeet (Bluesky-speak for tweet), Adrian Tchaikovsky (an SF author who I sort of know online but not offline, and who I should stress is a great bloke), posted a lovely reply:
...to which I replied:
And that's what happened. I was heading out of the convention centre to get something to eat before heading home, and realised that Adrian (at least I think it was Adrian) was in a group just ahead of me, also heading into town. I followed them for about five minutes until they turned in a Wagamamas. And then I continued on to a Loungers, where I ate alone. (In a parallel universe where someone else other than me was playing me, I caught up with them, said hi to Adrian, and ended up eating in Wagamamas with them).
So why am I saying this, and what to do?
Well there isn't really a why except that I thought it might make an interesting newsletter post. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who isn't as confident socially as they'd like to be, and I'm thinking that perhaps it helps us all if we share these things, rather than being ashamed of them.
As to what to do? Well I do need to try and be more confident. I will say hi to Adrian next time I see him. But having thought about it I did post this:
I am actually going to modify that slightly. It will probably be more YouTube led with this newsletter taking a secondary role (sorry!) due to the fact that there's much more discoverability with YouTube. (I've just done a YouTube video about the Liverpool Merseyrail that currently has 4.2k views after three days).
But yes, I will do a Glasgow Worldcon series, leading up to the event, and then during the event, which will hopefully give me something to do other than wander around, not talking to people. And rest assured that there will also be newsletter posts.
And if you're like me, wandering around on your own, scared to talk to people, rest assured you're not alone. Well you are, but you know what I mean. :)
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