The Interview with The Bhattacharyas
Latterly when Devika ‘gutter-slut’ Bhattacharya was out whoring with the aid and assistance of her loyal and faithful panderer Asifur ‘good boy’ Rahman, we sealed an opportunity to interview her family members which included her father – Mr. Govinda Kripa Bhattacharya (GKB) who is a retired Principal Scientist (formerly employed by ICAR, Govt.of India, Ministry of Agriculture), her mother – Mrs. Sukla Bhattacharya (SB1) who is the woman of the house, her brother – Mr. Rajendra Bhattacharya (RB) , alias Raju who doubles up as a freelancer as well as a government servant in Maldah, West Bengal, her sister-in-law – Mrs. Sayanti Bhattacharya (SB2) who is a housewife, and her nephew – Master Bimbo (BB) who is the little one here. The interview focused on the life and times of Devika ‘ho’ Bhattacharya from her birth till the present moment. We had sent out one of our esteemed correspondents – Michael Myers a.k.a. The Shape (TS) to interview her coterie and we are proud to present a blurb below.
TS – Gratitudes on behalf of the team for agreeing to be interviewed. How did Devika ‘prostitute’ Bhattacharya come to life?
SB1 – Phulan was an unplanned (read: unwanted) child. GKB and I weren’t really planning to have a second child after RB, withal, one night when GKB and I were all alone, we got carried away and 40 weeks later we gave birth to a worthless piece of trash who remains a burden to the entire family. We had thought of abandoning her or giving her up for donation to an orphanage, nevertheless, our efforts were thwarted since no body was willing to accept a burden in any form.
TS – Describe Devika ‘trull’ Bhattacharya’s childhood.
GKB – Overall she was the proverbial problem-child – naughty and nasty to the core since the beginning, very disorderly and disobedient. My wife and I tried to raise her with the values which define the Bhattacharya clan, be that as it may, Tuli invariably ended up being cursed by all and sundry and came to be known for her ill-famed ways even as a child. We tried to discipline her and mend her ways. But alas, our efforts went to complete waste! Even as a child, she was notorious for her mischief – be it grabbing boys of her age by the penis or shaming her family by other means, and this is something which her mother was in her prime.
TS – Furnish an account of how Devika ‘cyprian’ Bhattacharya’s transmogrified to a woman.
RB – Tuli metamorphosed from a teenager to an adult as a hyper-sexual creature. She was always down on her knees pleasuring men, both young and old, and continuously figured out ways to satisfy her supine lust for men and came to be known by the people of Khardaha as someone with an excessive sexual desire, a raging nymphomaniac if you will. It was during her formative years that she contracted gonorrhea and syph by sleeping with random men from the streets in exchange for some moments of pleasure. Hence, she rightfully earned the soubriquet – woman of the street.
TS – Was Devika ‘wench’ Bhattacharya ever cured of her venereal diseases?
RB – It is a shame to admit this, but Phulan has never been fully cured. She remains infected and has passed on her Cupid’s itch to whoso she slept with.
TS – There are unconfirmed reports that Devika ‘jade’ Bhattacharya is into the flesh trade.
GKB – It pains me as a father to admit this, but Phulan has brought shame and dishonor to her family by adopting whoring as a means of employment. Working in reputed companies be it in Bombay or Calcutta is just a cover-up as well as an avenue to connect with people who she can dupe and con to to keep up her evil empire.
TS – What do you mean? Would you care to explain this further?
GKB – Tuli has been running an evil syndicate with the help of her partner-in-crime Md Asifur Rahman for the past decade. It is very difficult to evade the law and work as a high class prostitute at the same time and so she indulges in deception games and other vignettes of deceit and villainy. She has mugged several people across the length of width of the country and is wanted by law enforcement. She goes underground at fixed spells only to resurface later and continue with her renegade acts.
TS – How has Devika ‘strumpet’ Bhattacharya’s employment history been so far?
SB1 – Wherever she has worked so far, she has infallibly corrupted the environment. This has resulted in her being fired by decent organizations like Wipro BPO in the past. She has also absconded from SAB TV in Bombay and Dr. Batra’s Positive Health Clinic Pvt. Ltd. in Calcutta. No wonder she does not put these in her résumé.
TS – Describe Devika ‘hussy’ Bhattacharya’s relationship with Asifur ‘innocent’ Rahman.
SB2 – What goes on between Asif and Tuli between the sheets is their private matter. Outwardly they pretend to be associates working in the same organization. But, on the side Asif acts as Tuli’s pimp. He procures customers for her and thereafter the spoils are shared equally. Asif is sterile (read: impotent) and faced difficulties having a child of his own. This situation was exacerbated when Tuli infected him with Venus’s curse.
TS – What does Bimbo, the next karate-kid have to say about his amative aunt?
BB – Many times I have seen Asif uncle and Phulan aunty get inside her room upstairs, take their clothes off and then get on top of each other in bed which produces a squeaky sound which reverberates well in the house.
TS – It is apparent that the child is unable to comprehend their adulterous actions given his age. Why is this even allowed to happen at your home?
SB2 – I have been blissfully married to RB for a decade and have been blessed with BB. I live with my husband and in-laws in their ancestral home in Khardaha. Tuli was married off to a great man and her rightful place was at her in-laws’ place, still her evil ways led to her divorce and since then she has been occupying this house. We have put up with her shit for far too long now, but if we throw her into the street, it will bring further infamy to the Bhattacharya clan. Consequently, it is only out of pity that we have allowed her to stay with us in this house. We reserve the right to kick her out at any given time though.
TS – That would be enough for the day. It was nice meeting you all. Good-bye.