HOW WINNING THE STANLEY CUP DEFIES MATH, THE MYSTERY OF HIDDEN VALLEY, AND WHY ‘CASABLANCA’ IS THE BEST MOVIE
Vol. 1, No. 47
In this edition, your reflective correspondent wonders what effects the Stanley Cup’s extended absence from Canada might have for the NHL, muses about when a stolen car isn’t stolen at all, and extolls the virtues of watching movies that are older than you are.
This week: A 7-minute read
THE STATE OF HOCKEY, AND WE DON’T MEAN MINNESOTA
A few days back, I noted on my Facebook page that I had engaged in a personal news blackout with respect to the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs. It was my way of coping, of avoiding the ugly reality that my favourite hockey team had been bested by an outfit based in suburban Fort Lauderdale, Florida. What really hurt? As is always the case in these situations, it was in admitting that the better team won.
Well, I’ve had a few days to process and will say this about that. I am of the firm belief there is something broken when it comes to the National Hockey League and its oft-repeated goal of competitive parity. There are seven Canadian teams in the NHL, out of a total of 32. If parity truly ruled the day, mathematical certainty would dictate at least one of them would play in the Stanley Cup finals every four years or so, and one would actually win the bloody thing at least once every eight years. Ballpark. In other words, about three times in a generation.
That hasn’t happened, at least the winning part. Over the past 32 years, or one-and-a-quarter generations, not once has it happened. That’s also taking into account that sometimes one team or another dominates in defiance of all mathematical calculations. That only makes it worse, something that is evident to fans not just in Edmonton, whose Oilers have been denied three times, but in Vancouver, twice, Calgary, Montreal and Ottawa. All have seen their teams advance to the final, only to fall short.
For me, personally, this is the thing.
There is a frustration Canadians feel nowadays about this 32-year drought, a frustration that I sense the NHL suits have yet to understand or even notice. Maybe that frustration is more evident because we’ve been betrayed by the current U.S. administration. Maybe not. Whatever the cause, we have now passed the point where we find consolation in the fact so many of the players on Stanley Cup winners are Canadian. This 32-year drought has surpassed all mathematical explanations.
Anyone coming to Canada during the playoffs would quickly become aware of a message that was repeated here over and over and over again: it’s time for the Cup to come “home.” That matters to Canadians, in a way it will never matter in the States. I respect the Florida Panthers and how good they are, even if that domination is rooted in grinding their opponents repeatedly into the ice. Yet I cannot get past the fact Stanley Cup victories in Fort Lauderdale, or in Raleigh in 2006 to use another example, are wasted on an indifferent populace. We’re told it’s good for hockey, good for the game, good for its growth, but it’s still only a fringe sport in the U.S.
The American hockey community strives to produce the best hockey players in the world, but have the majority of their countrymen taken notice? The TV ratings in southern Florida during the Stanley Cup finals suggest the answer is no. The ratings in south Florida showed only 3.2 per cent of TV sets were watching the Panthers win. From a population of 6.5 million people, that translates into a viewership of about 207,000 people. The other 96.8 per cent were not watching. Americans can win the World Juniors; the U.S. women’s hockey team can win the world championship. Yet there are hardly any stories about it in the U.S. popular media.
What got me on this was an exchange of text messages I had with Helene Elliott, the great if sadly now retired hockey beat writer for the Los Angeles Times. I suspect she feels I’m being too provincial, that the important thing is growing the game. I don’t think she gets it. If it’s not growing in Canada, and it’s not, then the game is in peril. And as long as Canada continues to be kept at bay in the Stanley Cup finals, that’s the risk. Solutions are not as evident.
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DRAWING THE LINE ON THE ICE
“My dad had this thing. Everyone in Canada wants to play hockey; that’s all they want to do. So when I was a kid, whenever we skated my dad would not let us on the ice without hockey sticks, because of this insane fear we would become figure skaters.”
Norm MacDonald
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MORE ‘DEAR TERRY’ LETTERS
Re ‘Some People’s Kids,’ June 15. Hey Dad, would you believe that whole Builder.ai thing isn’t even that uncommon? “AI-powered” companies that turned out to be just some guys hired out of India are so common now, there’s a joke that “AI” stands for “Absent Indians.” Carson McConnell, North Shields, England
I enjoy reading you, Terry. Hope you had a wonderful Father’s Day. Diane Leclair, Tilbury, Ontario
If you want to drop me a note (and risk me publishing it here), just reply to this email or, if you prefer send it to mysundayreader@gmail.com.
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DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR, PART I
This is so Canadian.
A woman in Nova Scotia returned to her car after a shopping trip, only to find her car wasn’t there, as in it was gone. Not a case of motor vehicle theft, however. It turns out the supposed car thief drives a vehicle identical to hers and inadvertently drove off in the wrong one. Mysteriously, his fob worked on her car, or so we’re told. More plausible is she left the key in her car and he just thought he’d been careless.
Anyway, according to Reader’s Digest, once the man realized the car wasn’t his (surely it was far cleaner and didn’t have any hamburger wrappers on the floor), he tracked her down and returned her car, with a full tank of gas.
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DUDE, WHERE’S MY CAR, PART II
We all have favourite movies. If you ask me which ones over the past 100 years I’d pick, I’d have to say Casablanca (1944), Mister Roberts (1955) and The Paper (1994). There are a lot more favourite movies—The Godfather, anyone?—and lots of reasons why, but those are the ones I go back to time and again. I believe it’s also because really good movies are infinitely “quotable”. Casablanca has more lines you can repeat from memory than any movie I’ve ever seen. Credit the fine writers for that.
So—and maybe this is a reflection of my age and all that—I’m always non-plussed when you ask someone under oh, let’s say 30, about their favourite movies and they pick something that’s been made in the past decade. I’m sure there have been good movies from that time period, but I’d be hard-pressed to name one. It’s not just that, though. It’s like these kids haven’t seen a movie that’s older than they are. That doesn’t make sense. Have they never watched the TCM channel?
When we were kids, old movies were shown in abundance on TV. If you grew up in the shadow of Detroit, TV host Bill Kennedy would broadcast a classic six afternoons a week on Channel 9. It was the best reason to stay home sick from school.
Of course, this was before video games.
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LOOKING FOR AMERICA
“On our way home to California, we drove by the exit for Hidden Valley, Nevada. But I couldn’t find the damn town anywhere.”
A post of mine on Facebook from one of our many trips back and forth between Canada and California.
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THIS WEEK IN THE BOOK CLUB
In this week’s Episode 11, titled ‘I’m Looking for my Brother,’ Syd comes to the brutal realization that his brother Harry likely perished in a mortar blast on the day of the Vimy Ridge assault. Stanley is treated for the wound he sustained the same day—his second injury in the seven months he has been at the front—then on a scouting mission determines a German counter-offensive is imminent. What Stanley doesn’t see coming is rookie commander ordering him and his mates onto the field of battle where they are exposed to friendly fire.
A subscription to our Book Club is incredibly inexpensive, just $5 a month. Sign up anytime and catch up on what you’ve missed. Any proceeds will help finance my future projects.
Ta till next Sunday. / T.
Please note: Artificial intelligence was not used in the preparation or writing of any part of this newsletter.