As I have become more conscious of conversational/linguistic tactics of oppression, I recognize them everywhere.

From the misuse of terminology meant to explain incredibly serious and complex topics (Counseling and Wellness Center of Pittsburgh, 2025) to deflection from the core issue at hand (Mudambi, 2023), harmful language tools are all around us!

Learning how to stop, reflect, and change our impulses to respond, where harm has been done, is necessary for growth. Doing each of these things, individually, is difficult. Nonetheless, it is worthwhile to examine our own language and mental processes for tools of oppression, to decrease the harm that WE bring into the world.

Have you fallen into the trap of using either of these socially embedded tools of oppression?

• Using ‘Therapy Speak’: Even licensed professionals have a legal and ethical obligation to only utilize therapeutic tools responsibly, and to only utilize therapeutic language (especially that which is diagnostic) as proper educational or clinical tools, and after full assessment has been explained and completed. Never are these words to be casually ascribed to friends, family, or any others, socially.

  Perhaps you’ve caught yourself referring to someone as ‘narcissistic’ when you really meant self-serving. Or even called someone ‘crazy’ when you meant ‘mean’ or ‘violent’. Making changes to our words not only makes our language more accurate, but stops stigmatizing groups, such as the mad or mentally ill, who already face increased discrimination.

• ‘Tone-Policing’: Alongside the rise of therapy speak have come increased barriers to interpersonal conflict resolution. While we have, as a global society, begun to run towards increased education on emotional intelligence and engagement in ‘therapeutic’ forms of healing, we have also increased our own awareness of others’ nuances, in ways that deter connection. Rather than focusing on the core harm that we’ve caused, or the greater systemic issues at play in our interactions, we have collectively learned to defend ourselves first, in the name of ‘boundaries’ or ‘protecting our peace’ and causing detriment to community building, apology, and growth.

  Maybe you don’t have many friends or community members who call you out on your harmful words or actions. Maybe you don’t have any. So when your new work colleague, who you were beginning to consider a friend, abruptly ends your conversation over lunch after you made a ‘joke’ that was harmful in some way, you feel like your explanation of intent should be enough to smooth things over.

  You never meant harm, you didn’t know, and you won’t do it again (at least in front of them)…but did you apologize? Did you recognize, in words, the pain that you caused? Did you take a moment to reflect upon what you actually said, and what it actually means? Or did you rush to explain yourself, and regain access to your friend, without truly hearing, feeling, and healing what pain it is that you caused?

Part of what holds us back from connecting is the rush to rush.

Time zones become irrelevant, sleep cycles non-existent, and routines merely aspirational, more and more each day. The world is unpredictable, yes, but there is also much more at play. Capitalism and its counterparts need us to feel a sense of urgency, of responsibility, and of self-assured doing, to thrive. This leaves little time to pause. We cannot spend an extra moment rupturing or repairing with a friend, because we need to get to sleep to be able to participate at work, tomorrow. So relationship ruptures happen, often with rushed repair or none at all.

Other times, we cannot hear someone else’s point of view, because the shame that overcame us when we were called to reflect and repair, took over. We become embarrassed and unable to hear over the pulsing blood in our inner ears. We rush into panic and defense mode, reassuring our friend (ourselves) that they really just misunderstood, and it shouldn’t have ‘led to this’ at all.

These things are human; I struggle with them, too. As the world changes and society transforms, so will our words. Learning how to criticize and analyze our own language and its origins, is a beginning to a more communal world. When we reject embarrassment and shame, we welcome knowledge and repair.

When has there been a relationship in your life that has been impacted by your reaction of embarrassment or shame?

When has a feeling of needing to ‘rush’ or ‘wrap things up’ gotten in the way of your ability to truly repair a relationship?

If you find yourself ready to explore more questions like these, or to otherwise create a space dedicated to offering values-aligned support, email me to schedule a FREE life and liberation coaching session today: [email protected]!