The Big E
Hey 10MVSauce, Eamon here!
I'm pleased to present to you all with my first foray into the world of the blast. I'm just putting the finishing touches on it in the Nanaimo airport while waiting for my bus. As many of you know, I'm on my way to Bamfield on Van Island for three-weeks to study marine crustaceans (hope i don't get crabs lol haha). I wanted to give all you beautiful memers and memesses something to wistfully read, sitting by by a rain-streaked window while listening to some lofi hip hop radio - beats to relax/study to, intermittently gazing out at the downpour and wondering when your boi will come home from sea. Put your feet up and grab a tanquerade or hot Dr. Pepper, because this is gonna be a long one.
10MVNews Extra long because of last week's disaster of a blast
Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who made it out for 10MVC Canada Day BBQ 2018. My bois never looked more beautiful than under a haze of sangria and Lil' Uzi.
Secondly, a Gooplex update! With every day, this worn-down, janky, stinky piece of house becomes more like the worn-down, janky, stinky piece of home that we've all dreamt of. There's still a lot of work to be done, but I know with our crew we can create a paradise for 10MVC. Next on the list: converting the spare room into a podcast studio! Podcasts are a very undersaturated and unexplored medium, and we really think they're about to become very popular!
One such addition to the Gooplex is the 10 Memer Vlog Garden. Let me tell all you dedicated readers, it's a mf vibe. I want to publicly thank all the bois who lent a hand, a pick'em-up truck, or supportive words during box construction. I'm so proud of us for coming together to create this verdant vegetarium. (That said, a skunk or some shit dug up a tomato and I'm gonna fucking ice it with a sling-shot.)
In bodily function news, two weeks ago the Gooplex had it's first chunder! Let's all give a wet slappy round of applause to Awi, the reigning 5MVD Chunder Champ. Noice!
Speaking of champions, I'd like to use this blast to officially announce the end of the 5MVD Nut-Off. Cumming in first(last?) is our very own Ben Raine! He is given the distinct honour of being named Slime Minister of 5MVD. Cumgratulations, Ben! Sexond place goes to Terneton, runner-up by only a handful of squirts. Kaden and Alex tied for third, which seems a little suspicious to me. (Who really knows what goes on in the upstairs when The Basement Brotherhood has gone to bed?) Anyway, I was last, so yes I would call that bad game design. It was a hard race with stiff competition, but despite that, the bois really demonstrated their good spurtsmenship and had a load of fun.
10MVBeef
Though I hate to perpetuate drama, I feel I should make an official comment on the author of Zach's Ultra Blast's recent petty attack on my character. Though the author had the courtesy to refer to me only as "someone", I want to be clear. That kind of negativity is not welcome in this community.
For context, in the week leading up to the publication, the author insisted that they were to write that week's blast, and that nobody would be taking that slot from them.
When the time came for it to be sent out, they asked me to fill in because they were just not ready (nice hair though). I refused to diminish my grand entrance to the 10MVBlast because some bozo can't keep their word or their schedule. As a result, we got last week's blast. If you haven't yet read it, you're one of the lucky ones. Smort.
Our word is our bond (along with Jake and Marsh hehe xP) here at 10MVC. When we commit to something, we do it because we love this community. We have to be held to our word. For my part, when help is needed, it's up to us to collaborate with those around us to create something new, and game changing. It serves nobody to get confrontational and upset. I think we can all do better. #bebest
Because other memers have distinguished themselves with segments pertaining to their interests (Ksden-dono's anime tots, Terneton's music, Zack's fuckbad memes), I've decided to do the same.
Introducing.. Eamon's Ebin Aminals™
These spooky heckin' feathered fellers are Lammergeiers (or Bearded Vultures if you're scared of foreigner words). In bird high-school they were voted "most likely to be mistaken for a fucking monster". They're bigger, heavier, and fuzzy-wuzzier than bald eagles, so eat that, Americucks.
Now you're probably like "Oh it's a vulture it probably eats nice tasty meaty chunks off of rotting carcasses like my step-dad".
Well you're a smelly idiot because Lammergeiers almost exclusively eat bones. Apparently anything the size of (or smaller than) a lamb femur is fair game for a one-bite. Anything bigger they'll either break with their beak (SSJ2 pecking power) or fly up high and drop it on some rocks to smash it. They need very spicy stomach acid to digest bones, and they are the true originators of bone-hurting juice. Bing-pot!
Now you're probably like "Jeez well these are the metal-est birds I've ever seen. Have they ever killed a friggin dude to access the delicious crunchy bones within?" and the answer is kind of but stop getting ahead of me, you saggy clod. A Greek playwright was iced by a Lammergeier that dropped a tortoise on his bald head, probably thinking it was a good rock to smash the tortoise on. This behaviour has led to an extremely high mortality rate among chem majors in the nations where Lammergeiers live.
Also they'll fuck up crows
I hope you all enjoyed the first installation of Eamon's Ebin Aminals™. It was pretty cringey so I probably won't do it ever again. Here's some anime boob for those that don't vibe with birds.
I'd like to close the blast with a fond "à la prochaine" to my bois. Three weeks is a long time to go without the strong, firm grip of a man, but I know my cute friends will be waiting for me with sweaty hands and open Gatorade. Please group-listen to Ocean Man while I'm gone in my honour.
Incidentally, I'm horribly underqualified to drive the research boat. I might capsize and drown in the Pacific. Just a heads up.
For the rest of you memers, I look forward to returning to 10MVHQ and continuing to help bring you the hehas you crave. I'm off to abuse animals in the name of education.
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.
Love, your friend, Eamon xoxo
Namaste