4 unmissable NEW horror films you'll gag over
Hey, horror hotties.
I’m fresh back from FrightFest horror film festival and loaded with intel on upcoming releases.
I saw 20 films over four days to deliver the juicy goss, still steaming, to your inbox. So, without further ado, here are my top new horror picks for the girls, gays, and theys.
1. Hauntology
Parker Brennon’s Hauntology is a cosy, spooky collection of tales from the queer perspective. Jazmin (Samantha Russell) catches up to her younger sister Venus (Jaidyn Triplett) as she attempts to run away from home and offers her a deal: come on a road trip around town and listen to the ghost stories tied to each location. If Venus still wants to leave home after hearing all the stories, Jazmin will let her go.
Each ghost story is about a person living outside the norm, from a trans witch who uses magic to switch to her true body to a ghostly romance that blossoms out of a troubled marriage.
The wraparound narrative is a heartwarming take on sisterhood, womanhood, and how our family ties can make us stronger, with each short story slotting neatly back into it at the end. This perfect, spooky Sunday night watch delivers ghosts, witchcraft, and gore without feeling too much. Better yet, its queerness is baked into the story, never once feeling like a gimmick. And that’s a rare find in horror.
2. Saint Clare
Lovers of female revenge horror will worship at the altar of Saint Clare. Based on the book Clare at Sixteen by Don Roff, the story follows Clare (Bella Thorne), a Catholic schoolgirl with a huge sin to confess. Using herself as bait, Clare takes deadly revenge on the men who kill women, believing it to be her holy destiny. That is, until she uncovers a secret that could undo her for good.
Director Mitzi Peirone seduces the watcher at every turn with lush visuals taken straight from the Renaissance painters’ playbook. But don't be fooled by its beauty; much like Clare herself, the film has teeth!
Thorne brings a dose of dark humour and sass to the role, making Clare a character you’ll root for (especially when she’s kicking ass). Peirone says she always wanted Bella for the role. Watch this, and you’ll see why. It’s Hard Candy meets Jennifer’s Body and I couldn’t get enough of it.
3. The Dead Thing
What if your Tinder date was hiding a dark secret? And what if your desperation for human connection pushed you to overlook that secret? Elric Kane and his writing partners wanted to make an urban legend based on a dating app, and The Dead Thing is just that.
Alex (Blu Hunt) is trapped in a repeating cycle of sleep, work, and meaningless one-night stands until she matches with Kyle (Ben Smith-Petersen), whose charming and sensitive nature has her falling fast. That is until she uncovers something about him that sends her down a dark path as she struggles to reconcile her feelings with her fears.
Kane set out to make something firmly rooted in the modern age, and dating app hook-up culture gives him the perfect way in. The choice to shoot in LA at night with limited locations and a capsule cast adds to that sense of isolation, captivity, and endless cycles.
The Dead Thing has a paranormal noir quality, and its out-of-time carnality had me submitting to the allure of its central toxic relationship. It’ll seduce you as it wraps its fingers around your throat. You’ll know it’s wrong…but you won’t care.
4. The Substance
This film will make you gag…in every sense of the word. The Substance delivers Cronenberg-style body horror with a dash of Raimi-esque gross-out humour wrapped in the angst of the female experience. It’s beautiful, disgusting, and utterly insane.
Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore) is an ageing actress who turns to a mystery ‘substance’ to revitalise her career. The Substance works with your DNA to create a second ‘you’ — younger, prettier, and better — but ultimately still you. Each version gets seven days while the other hibernates. But Elisabeth’s other version, Sue (Margaret Qualley), starts to steal time…with dire consequences.
Director/writer Coralie Fargeat has delivered a wickedly funny twist on a theme that’s painfully prevalent in today’s society. She leans heavily into the ‘if-you-don’t-laugh-you’ll-cry’ hypocrisy women experience at the hands of the patriarchy and the horrors we put ourselves through to conform to society’s expectations. Its relatability is hilarious and horrifying in equal measure.
The Substance doesn’t just deliver painfully on-point social commentary; it’s also a beautiful watch, with some of the framing and colourful sets giving major Wes Anderson vibes. Moore’s performance is ruthless — you can tell she’s throwing everything she’s got at the role, which speaks volumes to how much she trusts Fargeat’s vision.
And the ending? Hunny, it’ll go down in horror history. Mark my words.
See ya in the next one,
Cowners