April, Come She Will

April has been a strange month. I had a whole other essay nearly ready to send, but as I was putting my final edits on it I realized it was boring and not actually representative of where my head’s been this month. It felt disingenuous to send it, even though some months - like this one - I am sometimes struggling to meet my self-imposed deadline.

April is bookended by my birthday at the start of the month and my boyfriend’s birthday at the end of the month, with our anniversary in between. It is a month where we go out to dinner more than usual and have a lot to celebrate. This year was no different. I’m not a big birthday person. I like being remembered on it, and I like marking the occasion in some way with a little treat for myself like getting a haircut or buying fancy cheese. Throwing myself a party or celebrating my “birthday month” is not really my thing. This year, though, I turned 40 so it felt a bit more significant. The occasion was marked with a trip to Paris, so… a step up from a haircut, and still involved fancy cheese.

That was the first week in April. The second week was also busy in a good way until it wasn’t. After a week or so of “getting back to normal,” my boyfriend called me while he was at work to tell me our friend - his first literary agent, our unofficial mentor, and the matriarch of a motley crew of publishing friends we had early in our relationship - passed away. We hadn’t seen or spoken to her in a while, but assumed we’d have at least one more night at the bar with her at some point. Over the last week or so, we’ve found ourselves remembering old places and old friends, reconnecting with them. The phrase “end of the era” can be so trite, but it’s been hovering in the air quite a bit.

It already feels like we heard that news months ago, and I’m not sure why. It’s been about ten days. Now I’m here at the end of the month, another birthday celebrated, summer plans starting to get discussed, sunny days with manageable heat finally brightening up New York. April, as usual, has wavered between hot and cold while packing a year’s worth of activity and emotion into thirty days. Today, I got to leave my jacket at home. May flowers, as they say, always follow.

FUN STUFF: 

What I'm Reading: Flyaway by Kathleen Jennings

What I'm Watching: Ripley (Netflix)

What I'm Listening To: Don’t Forget Me (album) by Maggie Rogers

What I'm Eating: Chocolate

Sarah Writes Too is a free monthly newsletter featuring short personal essays by me (Sarah LaPolla). The best way to show support is to subscribe, share posts you liked, or leave me a tip. You can also find me on Bluesky at @sarahlapolla.Thanks for reading!