Not just semantics
From an older version of my brain, to yours.
Feeling Envy ≠ Being Jealous
Like Christmas decorations, some best-of, year-end, and even most-anticipated book lists adorned websites and social media feeds in November. But for the most part, December is the month book-related sites and organizations boost the past year’s favourite books and/or the next year’s exciting releases.
As with book awards, these are subjective lists, based on a small subset of readers’ opinions and experiences of the books they’ve read. Not every excellent book will come across these list makers’ TBRs. Not every book they read will get the exact same consideration.
Because any time a person reads a book, their experience of it will depend on a lot of factors, including (but not limited to) their mood, the state of their work inbox, if they’re hungry or sleep-deprived or antsy, maybe even on whether or not their feet are cold or comfy. That’s the meaning of subjective: there is no universal experience of reading. It can shift so much for every individual, depending on when they read, let alone among different people.
This is why I say these lists are subjective.
Having said that—I’m always happy to see friends’ books on these lists. I’m thrilled when good people I know are celebrated for their talent. I love it when readers learn about excellent books written by the many excellent authors I get to call friends. (Heck, I’m even happy for the authors I don’t know!)
I can feel joy for them, and I can feel envy.
I can be delighted for other authors and I can wish I had a book out last year, or a book coming out next year. I can daydream about reviewers at the NYT and the Globe and Mail and the Washington Post etc. enjoying my book so much that they still think about it months later.
I can feel envy and not take anything away from anyone else.
That’s what I mean about feeling envy but not being jealous. The latter, in my very humble opinion, leads to self-destructive actions and emotions, to hurting not only oneself but others. I’ve seen some passive-aggressive faux congratulatory posts; they’re not pretty and honestly... they’re not fooling anyone. I think jealousy has more than a soupçon of ‘Oh my god I’m better than that person’ which...
Yuck. That is not how I want to live my life.
Anyway, I always find myself grappling with feelings of envy at this time of year because of those end-of-year best-of lists. I wish I had that publicity, I wish lots of people were talking about my book, I wish I could publish a spectacular book a year, I wish I wish I wish. Frankly, I think the self-centred nature of that thinking borders on jealousy. I get wary as soon as I notice the “I-ness” of those thoughts, if you know what I mean.
I guess, it’s more accurate to say that I acknowledge the envy when it pops up. I acknowledge that I'm feeling it and I just...let it be. I focus instead on my friends’ happiness and joy. Eventually, the envy subsides.
I don’t “console” myself with thoughts like, Oh someday that will be me. Because that’s not the point.
Not that I wouldn’t be utterly over the moon if my books received glowing accolades year after year! But I can’t depend on it for my sense of satisfaction, y’know? That way, as they say, lies madness. And tears. Lots of tears.
And you know me: I’d rather laugh that cry.
The Q&A Corner - a two-fer this month!
1. Abject apologies to Erika E.! I forgot she sent in a fun question a while back. To make up for my oversight, here’s her question + a bonus:
What are your favourite kinds of jam/jelly/preserves and why? And what's your favourite thing to do with them? (I like mixing jam with full-fat coconut milk in my ice cream maker. Two ingredients + time = delicious ice "cream"!)
Me: Oooh it’s like a two-fer two-fer! My favourite jam to make and to eat is golden raspberry jam. Partly because these berries are incredibly delicious and have a unique flavour; they taste like jewelled sunshine. Seriously. But also because our golden raspberry canes were gifted to us many years ago by a kind and generous neighbour, right before she and her family moved away. I still remember her digging up the cuttings from the side of her house, placing them into a white plastic bucket, and us hauling them down to our place half a block away. I like to think she’d be happy to know how often I remember her kindness, and how often I send gratitude into the universe because of her.
And honestly, my favourite way to eat this jam is on perfectly buttered toast, preferably multigrain, still hot from the toaster.
Bonus recipe by Erika
(perfect for holiday entertaining perhaps?)
2 cans (400ml each) full-fat coconut milk
~1 cup any flavour jelly/jam/preserves
1 tsp vanilla (optional)
1. Blend ingredients.
2. Chill.
3. Pour into ice cream maker and follow your machine's instructions.
Yummmm! Thank you, Erika!
2. Here’s one from Lori C. which, yes, did make me :snort:
I have a (half-baked)(snort) cookie question: do you have a favourite cookie recipe that isn’t overly sweet yet remains satisfying without being overly granola? I’m not talking special-event-cookie or hike-a-mountain-cookie: just regular quiet-moment-with-tea-cookie.
Me: My all-time favourite go-to is Oatmeal Cranberry Chocolate Chip. Crispy around the edges and bottoms, with chewy cranberries, dark chocolate chips, and that great texture from the oats.
The recipe is wonderfully simple and 1000% reliable. In fact, I make this dough in batches, freeze it in portions to make a dozen, and gift it for the holidays, with baking instructions so friends can have fresh-baked cookies whenever they want. (When my kids were in elementary school, this meant 25 dozens for all the teachers, staff, and friend-families!)
I always keep a few for the house, too, of course. It freezes for-freaking-ever, and bakes perfectly even after up to a year. I know, cuz I just baked up the last dozen from Dec. 2023 a few weeks ago. lol
Thanks, Lori! (Oh, did you mean, you wanted me to share the recipe..? Sorry! It’s a family secret 😇)
Lovelies, you can send me questions for the Q&A Corner by replying to this newsletter directly or by using the link below.
Ask Me Anything: publishing, writing, baking, cooking, movies, books, TV shows...it's all up for grabs. Even questions that get sparked by one of my answers. What strikes your curiosity? Let me know!
~ In Other News ~
I finished the first draft of the crime fiction WIP! I even had 3 days to spare on my deadline. So now, it sits quietly while I give my brain a wee rest. I jot down revision notes now and then, as revision thoughts pop up, but I won’t touch it again until January. Then, the real fun begins.
I can’t believe it’s January next month. I’m excited to get started as a mentor with the Humber College Creative Writing Graduate Certificate Program.
If, by any chance, you’re considering a novel-length project and want some structured support, OR if you know someone who is, please check out the details. Semester starts Jan. 8th.
As promised: Reporter Cole Brennan of Town & Country This Week posted this story a few weeks ago about the One Book One Community initiative for 2024 in Athabasca, Alberta. I’m always fascinated to discover how my books and my events look from the outside.
I’m taking a break—from work and volunteer duties—December 20th to January 5th. Please cheer my efforts to stay out of my email for the duration. Maybe if enough people believe it, it will happen..!
Oh, there’s just one more thing...
✨Happy Winter Solstice ✨ Happy Festive Holidays✨
I hope you take time to appreciate yourself,
your accomplishments, and your loved ones.
I hope you find what’s been missing in your life,
and let go of the things that no longer work for you.
I hope you continue to create and sustain joy.
(My husband snapped this beauty; the image is unfiltered)
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