Mindbender
From an older version of my brain, to yours.
It came to mind when I thought about the past few weeks, in my life and in the world at large
Ups
August was an utter mishmash of emotions, sometimes all at the same time. But we managed to get our youngest (aka “18”) settled in Vancouver, while also fitting in some truly spectacular nature walks* while we drove across the Canadian Rockies. (*We don’t call them hikes because our eldest [aka “22”] hates hiking, but she does enjoy a lovely walk now and then.) I’m immeasurably proud of 18 for striking out on their own in a very large, cosmopolitan city, simply because they want to experience life on their own terms; one of which is to attend the top art school in the country.
I warned them beforehand that I would absolutely have zero chill about them moving out. But, to my credit, I only text them every second day.
Downs
A large part of why 18 wanted to move out of Alberta is the anti-trans, anti-progressive provincial government. Recent news was filled with the soft-pedalled provincial book ban; Edmonton Public School Board’s list of subsequent books to be removed from school libraries; a wave of public pushback, a PR nightmare for the premier; a very public satirical reply to having Handmaid’s Tale on that list; the premier’s accusation of “vicious compliance” levied against EPSB; and the government’s backpedaling on the ban. I’m sure there’s more to come.
Ups
Vicious Compliance will be the name of my all-menopausal women’s punk band.
Downs
Any conversation about the rights of trans people is a conversation about bodily autonomy. Any person, at every age, has the human right to choose what to do and what not to do with their own body. Whether it’s hormone therapy (for gender dysphoria or menopause or male-pattern baldness); abortion; meds for erectile dysfunction or birth control; cannabis for pain or mental health; extreme or light cosmetic surgery; shaving one’s head or adding extensions; and on and on and on—an individual has the right to say Yes or No about their own body.
If an individual is a young child, it’s even more imperative that parents, guardians, and adults in charge of their welfare spend the extra fucking time and energy to help them understand the choices before them, and the consequences that follow. Ask. me. how. I. know.
The Alberta government’s policy of forcing already-vulnerable people to be subjected to genital examination (!!!) in order to play sports on a “girls” team is a direct attack on the human right of bodily autonomy. I am beyond enraged.
Ups
The only way to sustain that level of rage is to feed it. Actively. Regularly. Eventually, though, it becomes cancerous, devouring every potential moment of joy until joy simply never even sparks.
I make a mindful effort every single day to find or to create joy in my life. If you’ve been a follower for a while, that is 100% not a surprise LOL.
When my kids were younger teens, it felt like all I ever heard about were the shitty parts of their days. So, one night at the dinner table, I asked everyone to share 3 good things/1 bad thing. There was no metric for “importance.” Anything good, however seemingly small or brief, counted. The same went for the bad stuff.
NGL it sometimes felt like a struggle to come up with anything good, as opposed to the seeming ocean of bad things I could recite while barely dipping a toe in, so to speak. But the more I practised, the easier it got to be on the lookout for positive interactions, news stories, or happenings during my day. Plus, it honed my ability to find joy in even the tiniest good things/experiences, and to cherish it.
(If this small tactic sparks joy for you, please give it a try, and let me know how it goes.)
Wait. Is this ride an infinity loop? Why am I going around agaiiiiiiiinnnnnnn
So, if I’m talking honestly about rollercoasters, I have to mention this monthly, bumpy ride of emotions. To wit—every time I think about what to write for these Musings, I ask the same damn question: What’s the point of doing this?
To be painfully honest, friends, I’m not sure. There’s popular advice that authors need to keep their newsletters going, because this is the only bit of reader outreach that we actually control. I agree, I do.
But the key to that making a difference is a robust subscriber list. Which I no longer have. In fact, in the past six months or so, I’ve lost almost 20% of my subscribers. Not to spam filters or glitchy service, but, I suspect, because I’m outspoken on a variety of topics many privileged people see as ‘not their concern.’
Maybe it’s also because I don't have a weekly newsletter. I’ve heard that’s better for maintaining interest. But gah I can’t keep up that schedule, I wish I could.
Then again, it could just be these Musings aren’t all that interesting. Which is fair. I don’t aspire to be all things to all people, and I know I can’t be everybody’s cuppa.
** I do deeply appreciate the notes I regularly get from a handful or so diehard subscribers, please know that. It never gets old to hear that my Musings have inspired further thoughts or questions or just plain sharing of parts of your lives. Thank you, I don’t take you for granted. You keep me going with this, for real. ❤️ **
I don’t really know what to do with this “down,” I really just felt like I was being dishonest behind-the-scenes, if that makes sense. Like I was pretending everything was great, when I was actually feeling sorta bad. I hate feeling like I’m lying, even inadvertently.
Anyway, I’m still here, still doing my best to be fully myself, and hoping others find that enough of a draw to share a bit of community with me, at least once a month.
Joyful Things
If you’re on Bluesky, check out the #SmallJoys posts for a wee smile. There are a lot of #bloomscrolling posts there, too, if you love beautiful photos of gorgeous flowers.
I’m currently reading Sangu Mandanna’s A Witch’s Guide to Magical Innkeeping. I adored her debut adult romance, The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches, and this follow-up is a delight, as expected. I will warn you, though, that I cried hard at around p.191-93 (trade paperback edition), so you might too.
HUGS ohmigod yes.
I started watching Leverage (2008), and Leverage: Redemption (2021). I’m not sure I’ll finish all 7? seasons of the former; the oollllllld tech is kinda hard to watch, and the acting is…uneven. But both shows have heart and often, just the right amount of silliness to make me smile.
Upcoming Events…
Thursday Sept. 25th @ 7pm MT: “Writing Mysteries” panel
Hosted by Edmonton Public Library Writer-in-Residence Rhonda Parrish.
Featuring E.C. Bell, Candas Jane Dorsey, et moi. I can’t predict the future, per se, but I am willing to bet we’ll have plenty of craft talk for writers of all genres.Saturday Sept. 27th @ 12pm MT: SinC Reading Like A Writer Book Club: Rosemary’s Baby. If all goes well, a copy should be arriving for me at legendary Edmonton shop Audreys Books early next week, and I’ll have puh-lenty of time to read this book for the first time…right? 😅
Friday Oct. 3 @ 6pm MT: My first co-host podcast gig with The Skiffy and Fanty Show. We’re talking Geeky Collectibles with Jennifer Brozek. I believe we’ll be live on Twitch (Alphabet Streams) so mark your calendars and join us in a few weeks?
Oh, there’s just one more thing...
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