November 14, 2024

It's hard to be a good person

From an older version of my brain, to yours.

That time I got called a mean girl

Readers have all sorts of reactions to my books, especially to IN THE DARK WE FORGET. Case in point: at a recent event, an older white woman called me “mean” (with a definite side of unspoken ‘and nasty’) because I stand by the ambiguity in that novel. I mean, I explore that theme at length, so yeah...no, I’m not going to tell you ‘whodunit.’ SorryNotSorry.

She said it with her whole chest, too, as the kids would say. I thought it was funny, to be honest. I also felt a sense of satisfaction. Because it meant I’d done my job as a writer; I’d made someone think about what I’d written, long after they’d finished reading. That’s not a goal for every writer, mind, but it is something I aspire to.

Does that make me a bad person? That I enjoyed her discomfort and her flash of ire? She might’ve thought so, at least in that moment, when I refused to bend to her entitlement. I disagreed with her, and it made her angry. (Don’t worry, I didn’t feel threatened. I thought it was intriguing; would she have felt the same entitlement if I weren’t a woman of colour..?)

Is being a “bad” person—and its flip side—depend on who’s asking?

When it comes to small things, with low stakes, maybe. But there are absolutely things in this life that are non-negotiable. Ethical behaviour. Moral behaviour. Doing what’s right. Doing no harm.

I know it’s complicated, trust me. I write fiction for a living, but I’m acutely aware how fictional depictions bleed into real-world consequences. I’d like to think all marginalized writers are acutely aware of this responsibility. (Though I know some don’t seem to get it.)

I can have the best of intentions and it can still fall flat, or worse, hurt someone. I know I’m not the only person who’s experienced that, either.

That does not mean we shouldn’t try to be and do good.

After the U.S. election results, that feels like such a small, minuscule thing. To say, for example, I will not stand for trans people to be demonized and dehumanized and thrown under the proverbial bus.

After my provincial premier won her internal party leadership review by a whopping 91%—by touring the province to pander to and glad-hand all the far-right conspiracy theorists here—striving to be a good person feels like the tiniest dinghy facing a tidal wave of harmful intentions.

That does not mean we shouldn’t try.

If anything, it means we’ll be forced to try even harder.

But we don’t have to do it alone. Frankly, we can’t. Even if you’re an abled person with the highest numbers of privileges, this is not a fight that can be fought, let alone won, by a single person’s efforts.

We need to support one another, we need to build our communities. We need to ask for support when we need it, and trust that our communities will show up for us. We need to shore one another up when we can, when we have the extra capacity.

It can feel overwhelming, being a good person in the face of bad people with power over our lives, but please remember that you are not the only one. There are concrete things we can each do, whether it’s donating funds or donating time and energy to uplift others, or creating joy for ourselves and for others, or searching for ways to help our local neighbours and/or wider community members.

And those concrete actions don’t have to happen every moment of every day. We have to be mindful of our reserves, too, you know? We have to be good in smart ways.

But lemme say this: I promise to do my best to be a good person for you, for myself, for all of us, and especially for the most vulnerable in our society. Will you promise to do and be the same?

The Q&A Corner

Taking a break this month, since there are no new questions. *sad trombone*

Lovelies, you can send me questions for the Q&A Corner by replying to this newsletter directly or by using the link below.

Ask Me Anything: publishing, writing, baking, cooking, movies, books, TV shows...it's all up for grabs. Even questions that get sparked by one of my answers. What strikes your curiosity? Let me know!

~ In Other News ~

I am at 68.5k words on the WIP! and of course, I’ve hit a snag LOL. So please send positive vibes that I can reconcile what my outline says and what my characters are telling me in my head..! I’m still aiming to finish this first draft by Nov. 30. *prayer hands*

I’m using my light therapy device about every 2-3 days! Let’s call that a win because it’s better than forgetting altogether. *grin* What about you? Are you staying hydrated? Taking time to be outside? You might not live with Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I think we all feel the time change and light change a little heavily at this time of year.

Stay tuned for an interview re: the One Book, One Community events for IN THE DARK WE FORGET! Link to come. For now, though, I posted some gratitude and photos to my Insta.

Oh, there’s just one more thing...

I don’t think my first romance novel will find its home quite yet. It’s been months since I sent in my revision plan and sample chapters, months since the editor said they’d take it to their acquisitions board. At this point, I don’t think it’s happening.

I’m pretty sanguine about it, to be honest. It’s the nature of the business. It might take years between selling a book and it being published, but behind the scenes, within publishing houses or imprints, things can change quickly. Corporate mandates can narrow; editors can leave; the focus for acquisitions can shift. And those changes have definite ripple effects for those of us mid-submission.

A bright spot for me is I get to start working on a second romance novel, once I complete this psychological thriller first draft. I cannot wait to get started! I love these characters so much.

Til next month, let me leave you with this beautiful poem I keep on my desktop.

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