Hi there, Although it was a great adventure, due to unforeseen circumstances, Sameach Jokes will be culminating. But don’t worry — the over 500 jokes Sameach has sent out are available online and you can read them at your leisure anytime by clicking here. As a goodbye gift, enjoy your last joke: UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week!
THE MANAGEMENT |
Please Daven for the unconditional release of: Yosef Chaim Ohana, 26 Yosef Chaim ben Miriam לְדָוִ֨ד | יי | אוֹרִ֣י וְ֖יִשְׁעִי מִמִּ֣י אִירָ֑א יי מָע֥וֹז חַ֜יַּ֗י מִמִּ֥י אֶפְחָֽד בִּקְרֹ֥ב עָלַ֨י | מְרֵעִים֘ לֶֽאֱכֹ֪ל אֶת־בְּשָׂ֫רִ֥י צָרַ֣י וְאֹֽיְבַ֣י לִ֑י הֵ֜֗מָּה כָּֽשְׁל֥וּ וְנָפָֽלוּ אִם־תַּֽחֲנֶ֬ה עָלַ֨י | מַֽחֲנֶה֘ לֹֽא־יִירָ֪א לִ֫בִּ֥י אִם־תָּק֣וּם עָ֖לַי מִלְחָמָ֑ה בְּ֜זֹ֗את אֲנִ֣י בוֹטֵֽחַ אַחַ֚ת | שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת־יי אוֹתָ֪הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵֽית־יי כָּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י לַֽחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹֽעַם־יי וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵיכָלֽוֹ כִּ֚י יִצְפְּנֵ֨נִי | בְּסֻכּוֹ֘ בְּי֪וֹם רָ֫עָ֥ה יַ֖סְתִּירֵֽנִי בְּסֵ֣תֶר אָֽהֳל֑וֹ בְּ֜צ֗וּר יְרֽוֹמְמֵֽנִי וְעַתָּ֨ה יָר֪וּם רֹאשִׁ֡י עַל־אֹֽיְבַ֬י סְֽבִֽיבוֹתַ֗י וְאֶזְבְּחָ֣ה בְ֖אָֽהֳלוֹ זִבְחֵ֣י תְרוּעָ֑ה אָשִׁ֥ירָה וַֽ֜אֲזַמְּרָ֗ה לַֽיי שְׁמַע־יי קוֹלִ֥י אֶ֜קְרָ֗א וְחָנֵּ֥נִי וַֽעֲנֵֽנִי לְךָ֚ | אָמַ֣ר לִ֖בִּי בַּקְּשׁ֣וּ פָנָ֑י אֶת־פָּנֶ֖יךָ יי אֲבַקֵּֽשׁ אַל־תַּסְתֵּ֬ר פָּנֶ֨יךָ | מִמֶּנִּי֘ אַל־תַּט בְּאַ֗ף עַ֫בְדֶּ֥ךָ עֶזְרָתִ֥י הָיִ֑יתָ אַל־תִּטְּשֵׁ֥נִי וְאַל־תַּֽ֜עַזְבֵ֗נִי אֱלֹהֵ֥י יִשְׁעִֽי כִּֽי־אָבִ֣י וְאִמִּ֣י עֲזָב֑וּנִי וַ֜יי יַֽאַסְפֵֽנִי ה֚וֹרֵ֥נִי יי דַּ֫רְכֶּ֥ךָ וּ֖נְחֵנִי בְּאֹ֣רַח מִישׁ֑וֹר לְ֜מַ֗עַן שֽׁוֹרְרָֽי אַל־תִּ֖תְּנֵנִי בְּנֶ֣פֶשׁ צָרָ֑י כִּ֥י קָֽמוּ־בִ֥י עֵֽדֵי־שֶׁ֜֗קֶר וִיפֵ֥חַ חָמָֽס ל֗וּ֗לֵ֣֗א֗ הֶֽ֖אֱמַנְתִּי לִרְא֥וֹת בְּטֽוּב־יי בְּאֶ֣רֶץ חַיִּֽים קַוֵּ֗ה אֶל־יי חֲ֖זַק וְיַֽאֲמֵ֣ץ לִבֶּ֑ךָ וְ֜קַוֵּ֗ה אֶל־יי |
