Pod Song #1
🥳🎊🎉Greetings Salties! Welcome to our first ever Pod Song! 🥳🎊🎉
Each newsletter is called a “Pod Song” — a weekly blend of fic extras, lore, updates, and pure Meir'ha'dun chaos.
I would like to start by thanking you all for checking out the website and being the pioneers of our pod. We have 26 members already!
We're the size of the Arctic pod! 🧜🧜♀️🧜♂️
This week we're starting nice and gentle with three things:
- 🙀 The Short Ninth Life of the Lawn Terrorist (yes, and no, I have no shame)
- 📖 Things I can't say - Sam's Logbook (important insight for next chapter!)
- 🗓️ All website updates so far and future plans.
Photo by Pelican, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
🙀 The Short Ninth Life of the Lawn Terrorist
A dramatic retelling of one cat’s secret mission to end climate change, save the Meir'ha'dun, and earn Charlie Swan’s grudging respect... before being tragically shot and microwaved by Bella.
The subject in this domain is not human. Surveillance confirms:
— Vehicle tailed to the coastline by Agent Tabby.
— Subject identified as Charles Swan, codename Sea Mammal.
— Intelligence indicates unlimited access to regional fish supplies.
Mission Objective: Secure salmon (or any fish really) rights through traditional diplomacy: strategic fecal offerings.
First “gift” successfully deployed on target’s lawn.
Sea Mammal responded with verbal death threats and launching of slipper.
Translation: Negotiations have officially begun.
We are both apex predators.
He will recognize the language of poop-based diplomacy.
I will not rest until Charlie Swan acknowledges my authority and hands over the salmon rights.
Every week, more intel from the only cat bold enough to poop for peace. 💩
Can tuna diplomacy save the planet? Will the Sea Mammal respond to lawn-based messages?
No. He gets shot. But tuna tune in anyway. 🐟
🗂️ Things I Can’t Say – Sam’s Logbook
From the private records of Sam Uley. Written between Sept 2004 – Feb 2005. Unshared. Unspoken. Until now.
Before the next chapter drops, I wanted to share something different: a glimpse inside Sam’s head. This logbook isn’t a diary (Sam is adamant). It’s the one place he lets go — of fear, anger, and all the things he can’t tell the tribe, Leah, or even himself out loud.
You don’t need to know everything yet.
Unless you want to, before the next chapter drops on Sunday.
But we now know what was going through his head when he met Bella Swan.
This is part of the extended lore.
📖 Preview:
September 3, 2004
Something happened. Blacked out. Woke up naked in the woods.
Don't know how I got there. Don’t know how long I was gone.
Something is wrong with me.
⏱️ Read time: ~5 minutes (link to a Google doc)
🗓️ Updates and plans
On the website, a new page has been added: Quileute Quirks. This page has a photo gallery of La Push and will soon contain sub-pages like Sam's Sanctuary and Billy's Bullshit. 👀
💻 The website will have a new page called Pod Protocols. The different types of communication and roles. Will be updated as story progresses. 😊
🖼️ The images will be given alternative text to allow more accessibility.
🗺️ Map has been updated with new locations!
🗞️ The next newsletters will be released every Friday ~7PM CET, unless you ask for a different day in the comment section of the next chapter.
This first newsletter will be shared with readers next chapter to show them what to expect, but all future ones will be private and you will have access to content others won't. 😏
Next Pod Song:
- 🙀 The Short Ninth Life of the Lawn Terrorist: Find out how the Calico almost neutered Charlie. 🫣- 👠 Ode to Rosalie Hale's Sexy Legs: Bella shares her poem, with Cullen commentary.
- 🧛 Briefly experience Edward's 1st person POV in chapter 14 — what was he thinking as Bella ate his tuna dishes?
Some things may be subject to change depending on planning.
Columnists to appear (randomly) in future Pod Songs:
🧜♂️ The Meir'ha'dad Files – How to be human according to Charlie.
💘 Edward’s Love Bites – Relationship advice from a 100-year-old virgin.
💄 Alice Cullen’s Bite Style – fashion advice with a psychic edge.
🛋️ Jasper Hale’s Therapy Hotline – emotional support you didn’t ask for (and don't need).
🩺 Carlisle’s Clinic – Medical advice from someone who’s been a doctor since before penicillin. Side effects may include immortality and unwarranted adoption.
🏡 Esme’s Eternal Design Digest – Home improvement tips for the undead.
🔧 Rosalie’s “Girls, Grease & Grudge Matches” – Got a dead engine? She’s been bringing Corvettes back to life since the ’30s.
💪 Emmett’s Prank & Bulk – Workout routines, bear wrestling techniques, and pranks that may or may not be legally actionable.
Another big thank you for reading Saltblood, taking the time to check out the website and being pod pioneers. It means so much to me! See you all Sunday! 👋
Thank you for being here — this world wouldn’t exist without you. 🌊
With love,
Your pod leader,
— Masterofall14