An Event Both Liminal and Grounding - Can*Con 2024
There is something so special and liminal about Can*Con, that sometimes I wonder how it can actually exist – and how is it that I’m actually a part of it. A bit like being able to see Hadestown, Six, Frozen, Les Mis, and The Lion King (among others) within the span of a year or so, where I thought I’d never get to see any of them.
I find such events like Can*Con almost a bubble, timeless but also removed from the harsh realities of daily life. This year, however, I found it more on the positive side of that feeling. I can see, and remind myself, of how the environment and the people are real; their advice and words aren’t performative, aren’t lovely ideals that never exist outside of that one anti-bullying talk in high school (though maybe even these had far-reaching impacts I just never saw or paid attention to).
Perhaps it’s because I’m a year wiser, and have seen a bit more of the world; I think it’s also that the themes and advice given this year feel pressing, real, and grounded. Both for the ones giving that advice, and for those of us taking it.
Now I’ve lost my train of thought a touch, yet the point remains. Oh, yes – self-care. The advice and overall impression I had the entire weekend was about rest, self-care (not “spend money self-care,” as Sarah Gailey so concisely put it at their kaffeeklatsch that I was honoured to be a part of), and caring for yourself as a person and artist both. This year, I felt a bit as if I was missing out on a lot of events, though that perhaps stems from the overall lack of control I’ve been feeling in my own life recently – like I’m a reluctant passenger in day-to-day life.
Yet at the same time, it wasn’t wasted time. I rested and skipped panels because I needed to, and found enjoyment in that. I spent a lot of time catching up with friends I’d made last year, as well as ones I was lucky enough to make during the Thursday night Halloween Party.[1] I had a lovely brunch with a friend, wasn’t too late to get my copy of Pluralities signed by the amazing Avi Silver during the actual scheduled event, and… I walked around all weekend with a lovely red and gold “speaker” banner underneath my name tag.
Perhaps the most important part of Can*Con is the surreal feeling of it not feeling out of place at all. Of course you can meet amazing “big time” authors like Fonda Lee, Amal El- Mohtar, and Suyi Davies Okungbowa, the kind that you follow on Book Twitter (back when that was still a thing). Of course you can also discover amazing new-to-you authors who are thriving in their own careers and exude passion for writing and creativity with every word. Of course said authors can earnestly compliment your existing creative endeavours and blithely state that of course you could be a panelist too one day, or a published author!
Naturally, of course, you get to be a panelist and moderator the very next year. I’ve only attended two conventions, actually and this year’s event was my second Can*Con.[2]
It’s also that I can see even more clearly the insecurity and bravery in everyone I meet there. I’ve often said that the beauty of such conventions is actually getting to interact with authors, to converse and to relate with one another even outside of that best-selling or award-winning book.[3]
Even beyond that, however, I noticed. The shyness and anxiety and insecurity, even from people who may appear cool and unruffled upon first viewing. The willingness to be truthful and vulnerable, to uplift others even though they were strangers five minutes ago, to do the thing even if it’s new and scary, the ability to be honest with one’s fears and desires – that, I noticed too.
Next year, especially with the new venue, I plan to immerse myself in as many events as I can. This year, however tired I may have felt, was one of reconnection and of growth. Of realizing for the upteenth time that sometimes, to have something happen, all it takes is for you to actually do it.
One of my fondest memories of my Can*Con experience so far is the Fullmetal Alchemist panel at Can*Con 2023,[4] wherein I got a bit too engaged in the discussion – more so than an audience member ought to, perhaps – and was rewarded by getting to gush over FMA with Avi Silver, Sienna Tristen, Vivian Li and THE Fonda Lee. The running theme that afternoon is that we weren’t done talking about Fullmetal Alchemist, and that there should be an FMA panel next year.
I’m calling it now. This will become a Can*Con institution. I know it, because I will make it happen. Because on Saturday, November 2, 2024, at 7PM on the second floor of the Sheraton Hotel in Ottawa, I was a panelist on “We’re Still Not Done Talking About Fullmetal Alchemist.” I was joined by Sienna Tristan and Diana M. Pho, with Avi Silver as the moderator. A true, surreal, full-circle moment. I’ll also never be tired of people whom I admire complimenting me on my knowledge and input and FMA hot takes (Scar did nothing wrong![5]).
Of course, to top it all off, I got to moderate a convention panel for the first time ever to a jam-packed room, at the same table as Kate Heartfield, dave ring, and YM Pang. With Suyi Davies Okungbowa, Avi Silver, Sienna Tristen, and all sorts of other amazing people (as well as my amazing friends — shout out to Louise Koren, Douglas King, Richard Harrison, and Mickela Sonola!) in attendance. It was a blast. The conversations and answers were awesome, and the audience was so invested and quite respectful.
My biggest concerns? That I hadn’t left enough time for questions, and that the entire room started becoming concerned that we might need to create a cardboard cutout of dave ring (thankfully he made it just on time!).[6]
The most full-circle moment of all? Remembering that the only reason I found out about Can*Con to begin with, despite living in Ottawa for so many years, was because I randomly saw a tweet from Fonda Lee telling her fans she’d be attending Can*Con 2023.
I think I’ll leave it there for now. Special and liminal indeed - in the way that life so often is.
[1] Inspired by one of my panels, I dressed up as Edward Elric for my first proper Halloween celebration in years. Having my costume be recognized by a few of the attendees (and getting to gush about FMA, naturally) was a highlight of this year’s Can*Con.
[2] By the way. For the record.
[3] I do recognize that is perhaps not new information for many people, but it was definitely one of my revelations of 2023.
[4] The title of the panel was “Fullmetal Alchemist: Alchemy, Anticolonialism and Equivalent Exchange.” And yes, the panel was as amazing as it sounds.
[5] Obligatory disclaimer that this is a piece of fiction, these are fictional characters, and I don’t condone murder in real life. Etc. etc.
[6] The main takeaways of the panel was Hot Evil Queens, Evil Warlords, and aesthetics and agency.