Happy New Year my fellow Shibari lovers! And, wow — thank you for signing up for my newsletter! I am thrilled that you’re here for a little R&R. Of course my kind of R&R means rope (bondage) and relationships, rather than rest and relaxation, though I hope you get some of that too.

My hope for this space is simple: a place where you get to know me — how I think, what I offer, where to find me and my classes — and a place to learn. We’ll talk sex, sexuality, kink and BDSM, this wild and tender thing of relating to other humans, and whatever else feels juicy and relevant. This is new for me, so we’ll discover the shape of it together.

A little about me: I’m Ariana, also known as Urban Cowgirl in the rope scene. I’m a Shibari artist and educator — likely why you’re here — and also way more than that (yes babeee, we contain multitudes).

I have a Master of Public Health in health behavior and my primary work (for now at least) is as a public health consultant specializing in qualitative research, sexual and reproductive health, stigma reduction, and LGBTQ+ well-being, with a deep passion for interventions focused on reducing racial and social inequalities. I have a BA in psychology and minor in theater, and I am trained in Pilates (been brainstorming a rope and Pilates class for a while…maybe 2026 is the year for that). I am active in non-monogamy and play party communities in Los Angeles, and I love traveling and meeting rope lovers around the world.

An aside…I started writing this newsletter a while back, and since then, attacks on immigrants and U.S. citizens, including transgender people, native people, and anyone who doesn’t fit a very narrow set of identities have escalated. Though frankly, this country was founded on the enslavement of Black people, so it’s not like we were starting from a great place to begin with. I say this because while this newsletter, and my business, will be focusing on the kink and BDSM world, I refuse to live in a bubble pretending everything around us is OK. Kink and freedom of expression and sexuality is political. Shibari may be becoming more popular and inching its way toward the mainstream (see recent Sza and Shakira music videos as some evidence), but it is still an underground, alternative practice for now. The uptick in attacks on immigrants and transgender people is just the beginning of this current push toward taking away all our freedoms. I urge you to find some way to get involved and fight back against this regime. And while I may not always focus on politics here, it’s important for me for you all to know me fully, and that means knowing where I stand on relevant issues.

Still with me? Excellent, let’s roll.

My rope journey started over ten years ago, when I matched with someone at a kinky poly speed-dating event in San Francisco (I did not identify as kinky or poly at the time — oh, how times change). One date, one rope scene (click if you want to read a spicy retelling of that experience), and my rope/BDSM frenzy began.

A few years later, after moving to LA, I got involved in the local rope community and met one of my now long-term partners at a Devil Mask Society (DMS) jam. We bonded hard — yay for someone to share in the frenzy! — and also started noticing a trend: so many rope bottoms had stories of boundary violations and unsafe dynamics. We did too.

My partner began learning to tie and teach, and eventually convinced me to learn alongside her.

At the time, I did not really want to become a rope top (cue the myth that once you start tying, no one wants to tie you — which isn't true, by the way). However, I did want to help create safer* spaces for people to experience something I loved, especially women and queer/trans rope bottoms. I have also always loved teaching and training others on a variety of topics, and was excited about the idea of being able to teach others about rope in the future. In 2022, I applied to the DMS cell cohort, got in, and started seriously studying to learn to tie. I joke now that I became a reluctant rigger who fell in love with tying. I graduated from DMS’s 11th cell in 2024, and today I am an enthusiastic rope switch.

I became a reluctant rigger who fell in love with tying.

When I first saw photos of myself tied and suspended, I had this beautiful awakening. I felt like an art piece. The rope held me in place, my body making shapes that accentuated my figure. The lines of the rope dimpling my skin firmly yet delicately. Seeing the peaceful or painful processing expressions on my face allowed me to experience it again, this time as a voyeur. I was the art and it was alive, real, honest.

When I started to learn how to tie, I didn’t think about all of this. I didn’t know that I could fall in love with rope in a whole new way. This time as the creator of the art. As my skill increased, I got to play with the shapes and movements of the people who trusted me to tie them. It was the first time in my life that I felt creative in a way that wasn’t through writing. (Even while doing theater, I never particularly thought of myself as creative. My sister is the artist, I was the academic one, the research nerd). I realized that while rope bottoms are living art, tying lets me be the artist.

I realized that while rope bottoms are living art, tying lets me be the artist.

My rope practice is a culmination of everything I am — psychology, public health, theater, Pilates, qualitative research, and a very deep love of people. Rope isn’t just about tying bodies; it’s about exploring ourselves and our relationships.

If you’re ready to connect more deeply with yourself and the people you play with, I’d love to show you how. Come play.

Upcoming events, performances and classes:

• Jan 24th: Shibari and impact performance (bottoming) at Omeni in the Bay Area, private play party (IYKYK)

• Feb 14th: Shibari performance (topping) DTLA (details forthcoming)

• Other workshops and offerings in the works, stay tuned!

If you want to learn more or schedule a private lesson or session, you can fill out an interest form or schedule a free 30-minute chemistry call. You can also always email me directly at ariana@ropeandrelationships.com .

^{*I say safer, not safe. Rope and kink carry physical and psychological risk. I can’t promise safety — no one can — but I can commit to communication, negotiation, boundaries, respect, and accountability when (not if) things go off script.}