Why do I include the ‘relationships’ part of ‘Rope and Relationships’? Perhaps it’s obvious to some, but whenever we engage in a rope practice with someone, even with ourselves, that’s a form of a relationship. A relationship with a lower case r, one could say. (Stay with me here). 

In the vanilla, monogamous world, relationships with a capital R, the romantic relationships, are supposed to be treated as the most important kind. Those are the ones to nurture and foster the most. Whenever we engage in a kink scene, however, we are in a relationship with that person, even if it’s time bound and temporary. Maybe it’s not a partnership, maybe you’re not romantically or even sexually involved with that person. But the interaction between you and the other person you are tying or getting tied by — for the time leading up to, during and after the scene — is an intentional form of intimate connection. This relationship requires care, trust, and good communication, just like any other relationship. 

I think this is why I’m drawn to the concept of relationship anarchy. The idea that all relationships have the ability to be whatever they are between those people, at that time, depending on needs, desires, capacity, etc. Relationships with a lower case r to me are just as important to nurture and foster as relationships with the upper case R. 

Whether I am tying a friend, partner, client, or spicy friend, or when I’m getting tied by a friend, partner, professional, or spicy friend, I’m in a relationship with that person for as long as it makes sense given the context of the connection.

This ties into (pun intended, sorry I couldn’t help it 🫣) how I engage with rope as a practice because when I teach others how to tie or be tied, I’m also going to be talking about how they show up for their rope partners, how to negotiate their desires and discuss their boundaries, how to handle aftercare and, if (when) something goes wrong, how to handle the incident with care, humility, and good communication.

Maybe these are relationships with a lower case r, though truly for me, all relationships are relationships with a capital R. I don’t think one is more important than the other. Regardless of your relationship model, however, I think it’s important for anyone engaging in a rope practice with anyone else, weather you’re romantically or sexually involved or not, to treat the person you’re interacting with with the same level of respect and care you would if you were in a capital R relationship with them.

Rope can both expand and/or expose the strength and quality of your relationships. It highlights your self-awareness, how you communicate, your level of confidence and humility, your insecurities, your dedication and commitment, your ability to watch and pay attention and listen actively to your partner and their wants, desires, emotions and reactions (yes this applies to both tops and bottoms/doms and subs).

With more attention to our relationships in rope and out, we have the opportunity to truly play and explore in a more expansive and fulfilling way. 

Ready to explore and learn more? I’d love to work with you, whether you’re a couple or a couple of friends who want to learn to tie, or you want to experience a rope session for yourself, my books are open.

New to me and my work? Book a free 30 minute virtual chemistry session.

If we already know each other and you’re ready to book your next lesson or session, email me at ariana@ropeandrelationships.com .