Student Mode
Okay firstly: I was VERY excited this week to host Dropout Debuts, a live event where cast and crew saw sneak previews of Dropout content! And it only felt fitting to host via a Powerpoint.
Now to the real thing.
Do you ever get afraid to watch something good because if it’s “too good” you’ll be like, “oh my god am I a failure?”
I am CONSTANTLY battling this. “Oh, X is the best comedy you’ve ever seen? Cool, let me take seven years to watch it because that sounds scary.” And it’s so toxic and bad.
Because when I DO force myself to “be brave” and engage with the thing everyone is obsessed with, yes, I have to shake off my initial feeling of failure, but then I can enter enjoyment mode, or sometimes even the safety of student mode. Student mode is a place I love to be in, where I’m not TRYING to be as good as the thing I’m watching because the thing I’m watching is Teacher, and I am Student, so OBVIOUSLY Student isn’t as advanced as Teacher. Then I can really study the thing for what I like and see how it fits into my own perspective/work/life.
My most recent incidence of this was going to the Indian Independent Film Festival in LA. I loved it last year, so it is insane I didn’t hop on getting a ticket immediately this year, but I think because I’m making my OWN feature, I was a little nervous to see what other South Asian creators were making?
But I’m EXTREMELY glad I went because I saw their opening night feature, Bad Girl, directed by Varsha Bharath.
This movie was so cool and different and funny, and I would be pissed if I let fear stop me from seeing it, and any other movie I could absorb that kind of energy from.
So this is my plea, if you suffer from my same ~*sick illness*~ to shake yourself out of it as best you can. Enter student mode. Don’t worry about YOUR trajectory when enjoying someone else’s work. Get cozy with your OWN relationship with the work, and let it feed you.
And that’s what I got folks! Lots of heady shit!!!!! But maybe it resonates with you? MAYBE?
More soon,
Rekha